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Old 11-30-2017, 07:54 PM   #1
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I feel like I'm failing. :/

One of our kiddos have had developmental concerns for a long time. He struggles the most with communication, both receptive and expressive, and fine motor. He is in EI and has been for a long time. We expect some delays to be long term/life long. He has recently been refereed to a neurodevelopmental disorder center and I am looking forward to having some answers but the wait time is very long.

None of that phases me. He is our child and we love him. We want to help him reach *his* fullest potential but we don't care a bit if it is not 'on par' with average or whatever. That said--

I feel like a pretty experienced parent. We have several kiddos and I have cared for way more than ours. But I am struggling with frustration and how to best help him quite a bit. He will pick up a skill, like saying the 'd' sound. Use it appropriately for like 3 weeks. Then completely drop it. He does the same thing in other areas--potty training, following directions, even motor skills. We work really hard for the next 3 weeks or so to get him back up to where he was. He gets it. We rejoice! He keeps it for a while. Start over. I don't get it! Once a child masters a skill you raise your expectations to include that skill. Going back over and over again is SO hard. When he understood yesterday (and the past three months) when I said 'go get your shoes' and today suddenly has no idea.... I don't know how to do this.

I feel really bad for him because he is the sweetest little guy and I know that he is trying. But I still get frustrated. I don't know how not to. I don't know how to have such fluid expectations.

Any advice, thoughts, relateable stories or whatever are welcome. I don't know what to do/try/say to change the circumstances or my feelings about them but I want so badly to do better moving forward. He deserves the very best I can give him.

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Old 11-30-2017, 09:05 PM   #2
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Re: I feel like I'm failing. :/

Check out the Anat Baniel Method. I don't believe it is covered by insurance, but it can make a HUGE difference in a child's life!

There are a lot of things on youtube for it as well. Some pretty impressive testimonials/video clips of a child's progress. There are a lot for children with cerebral palsy, but it helps children with a bunch of other stuff too.

On the site there is a place to locate a practitioner. I have no idea if there is one by you or not.

http://www.anatbanielmethod.com/
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Old 11-30-2017, 09:16 PM   #3
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Re: I feel like I'm failing. :/

I'm so sorry. I understand the frustration you're expressing. It is hard. You're aware and you're compassionate. You are helping him. And you are learning too. Be gentle with yourself. As more time passes, you'll grow too, and become used to responding in the way that's best for his continued growth.
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Old 11-30-2017, 09:38 PM   #4
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Re: I feel like I'm failing. :/

You are not failing, Jen, you're just in a very difficult situation. And I'm sure it doesn't help that you've been super sick for days. Situations like this, where ideally the child would have picked something up already but has not, or has picked it up and then dropped it...it starts feeling like the issue is going to go on forever. And sometimes, the reality is that it does. And you have to learn how to deal with that. But even if it doesn't go on forever, there is still very much a learning curve involved in figuring out how to handle it. Give yourself some grace, and realize that you are a very good mother! You just don't know everything yet, and you haven't mastered everything yet, and that is okay. I feel like a lot of the reason we get the children we do is for US to learn...and this is the chance to practice. Just the fact that we want to do better and we are trying...God gives a lot of grace to mothers. Your little guy will be just fine even if you muddle through sometimes. He is blessed to have you. And it will work out. Hopefully the neurodevelopmental disorder center will have some answers for you. Until then, just take one day at a time, do the best you can, and it will be good enough, I promise.
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Old 12-01-2017, 06:23 AM   #5
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Re: I feel like I'm failing. :/

You are not failing, the fact that you are worried you are proves you are not. You are doing everything you can to help him and that is what a great mother does.

Long term memory problems are hard, just keep supporting him the way you are until you see the doctor and have a bigger picture. You are doing great.


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Old 12-01-2017, 09:10 AM   #6
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Re: I feel like I'm failing. :/

We all feel as if we are failing sometimes-or a lot of the time.

I can assure you, you are not. You are a wonderful mother. An absolute wonder to me, actually!

The fact that you and your DH love this child and want the best for him is enough. He will most likely keep progressing even if it's a slow process. And even if he doesn't, the fact that you are pouring out God's love to him is enough.

I'm guessing the neurodevelopmental center may be able to give you some more concrete answers and you can proceed from there for how to best help him.

Until then, the old adage " Love covers a multitude of sins" rings true.

Hang in there, Mama. You are stressed physically and that makes everything much harder.
:big hugs:

Things will look brighter soon.
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Old 12-01-2017, 05:01 PM   #7
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Re: I feel like I'm failing. :/

Thanks ladies.

I am hoping the neuro center is able to help us along and honestly, if nothing else, at least a name for what we are dealing with would be nice. Knowledge is power, and I don't feel like I have enough.

I totally agree with MamaLama about our kids be given to us with a particular purpose, and I can even lay out what my first few have taught me. The others I am still learning what they have in store for me....maybe I should start a spin off!
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Old 12-01-2017, 09:38 PM   #8
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Re: I feel like I'm failing. :/

Quote:
Originally Posted by jen_batten View Post
Thanks ladies.

I am hoping the neuro center is able to help us along and honestly, if nothing else, at least a name for what we are dealing with would be nice. Knowledge is power, and I don't feel like I have enough.

I totally agree with MamaLama about our kids be given to us with a particular purpose, and I can even lay out what my first few have taught me. The others I am still learning what they have in store for me....maybe I should start a spin off!


Spin off spin off!!!! :happy clap:
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Old 12-05-2017, 09:16 PM   #9
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Re: I feel like I'm failing. :/

I also agree that we are given specific children for a reason. A close friend recently posted on instagram what it's like to have a child wish special needs (her daughter has Down's Syndrome). Not sure if it would be helpful, but I thought I'd share what she said.

"Snapped this picture while playing Uno tonight with C. I love it. You know it has always been hard for me to articulate what it is like to have a child with a disability. When she was younger she would make messes or run away and when telling others about it it always felt like, "yea, but every kid does that. It's just how kids are." Yet it always seemed ten times harder, a heavier weight to carry. How do you explain the difference? I am still trying to figure it out, but a few years ago I latched onto a thought that I hope has given others an idea of how it feels to have a child with a disability.
It's not when, it's if. It wasn't a given that C would walk. How many of you even thought, what am I going to do if my child doesn't walk? With [my other kids] that thought never crossed my mind. Walking was always the next stage they would master and move on. With C running away or wandering off it was never, when she grows out of this, but what if she never does?
When thinking about M's future, it's always been when. When M gets a job, etc... With C it's always been if. If she can say a full sentence, maybe she will be able to get a job. If she can articulate her thoughts and follow a conversation, maybe she will become a contributing member of society, doing something she loves. But what if she never gets to that point and lives the rest of her life having the intellect of a 3rd grader?
This changes you. When looking at life in the if not when, how can it not. You are almost forced to look at who you are at your core and make the hard decisions to let go and change. To step up to the plate and give it your all and not allow the what if to stop you from the right now."

Anyway, seeing them from outside of their family, I know they are the right family for her, even though it was often so frustrating for her parents. It's obvious that you're doing your best, it's ok to feel burnt out sometimes.
Maybe it would be helpful to seek out other moms in your area in a similar situation? Or online groups?
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Old 12-05-2017, 09:50 PM   #10
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Re: I feel like I'm failing. :/

^^ Thank you.
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