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Old 10-20-2011, 12:26 PM   #21
Joyful Tie Dyes
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Re: non-gender programming

Well we are not typical as far as gender rolls here anyway lol
DH does most of the sewing and picking out of clothes
I do most of the work on the car and house
DH is a great cook and we only go to football games b/c of me

So DS has all kinds of toys, he;s getting a kitchen for his Bday next week and a vacuum and piano for Christmas. He has two dolls which he adores. He also loves cars and balls. Mostly he likes music and letter right now.

I do have LOTS of his clothes made b/c I HATE that for boys your choices are trucks, sports and dogs.


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Old 10-20-2011, 08:45 PM   #22
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Re: non-gender programming

We don't do "non-gender programming" because to me, you are just going to the opposite extreme. I like the middle road. I have all boys, so we have all the typical boy stuff, but we have girl stuff, too. When oldest DS was around 2, he wanted a baby doll. I bought him one and my heart fluttered. LOL DH was like "ook" but never objected to anything. DS loved/loves that doll and the others that he babies. He even would nurse the baby doll and pretend it bit him cause he saw his baby brother do that to me. LOL My boys have a ply kitchen with lots of dishes and food to go with it. They had a vacuum (it got put away because they kept chasing the dogs :/ ) They've walked around in my shoes and so forth. I follow the rule of yes, they are boys, but there is NOTHING wrong with playing with girly things. DS2 prefers my pink Wii remote of DH's black one. My kids have been known to sport hot pink and very girly diapers. ect ect. I just feel that going out of your way to avoid their specific gender stuff is just as extreme as not allowing them to play with the other gender's toys.

ETA.. I am the one that wrestles with the boys, will end up playing sports with them, ect. DH is the cook of the family. So, we aren't super traditional in our roles within the family.
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Old 10-23-2011, 05:38 PM   #23
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With my almost 5 month old son we have a lot of blue. Why? Because *I* like blue. If I'd had a girl she'd also be in blue. He also has purple and black and red and green and white and all kinds of colored clothing. The funny thing is that I can have him in blue head-to-toe and people still tell me what a pretty girl I have. It's because he has big blue eyes with really long eyelashes. And the bizarre thing is that I get upset about it. Which is strange because I totally don't care what he plays with or if he decides when he's older that he wants to wear dresses.
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Old 10-24-2011, 02:49 PM   #24
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Re: non-gender programming

My DD has Diego 'boy panties' (what do boys call their underwear?) because they didn't make girl Diego panties. I don't care. We have a kitchen and a tool set, trucks and trains and princess stuff. She loves to wear dresses, but she decided to be a dragon for Halloween.

My 13-month old has no hair yet and for some reason often gets called a boy. I don't try to dress her either girly or boy-y. I don't correct people when they think she's a boy. Most of my baby gear is GN (wraps, playpen, bed sheets, carseat). I will let them decide whatever they want to play with, but I would never discourage something because it's only for boys. I have a friend come over and her two boys played with our kitchen. We told her she needed to get one for the boys, and she said that her husband wouldn't allow it. How sad for the children. My sister lets her 7-year old paint his nails and dress up. My brother and male cousins dressed up in dresses and heels when we got together to play.

I know society tends to impose restrictions and rules on gender in general, but that doens't necessarily make it right or wrong. Just cultural. Honestly, I think it's up for the child, when old enough, to find and test those norms on his/her own. If that means your 10-year old boy wears long hair and a dress in public and gets laughed at, then it's a lesson for him to learn and to then decide whether it's worth it to him to fit in, or to flout the norms.
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Old 10-24-2011, 07:26 PM   #25
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Re: non-gender programming

oh I dunno what is up with the kitchen thing. DS loves to help me in the kitchen and I let him. we know a few other friends that didn't let their boys have a play kitchen. if we didn't move so much already he'd have a play kitchen too we don't do gender programming either but DS has a thing for trains and cars right now. a little while ago he was all in to pushing stuffed animals in a pink stroller.

I was so sad this past weekend. DS was playing with a princess castle that belonged to his cousin. well BIL decides to take a pic so he can 'blackmail' him when he gets a girlfriend. :eyeroll: my take on it is that he better find a girlfriend who doesn't care or this MIL will have an issue with it? LOL I've also had my MIL 'force' him to try to pick dragonflies vs bunnies on a fabric for his clothes (both her blue though). like the pp said, we do have a lot of blue clothes but its because I like blue. DH and I loved the movie cars even before kids so I end up buying them for him. if he wants something else, he can get that too. I ended up buying some blue clothes 'for boys' for dd (who can say no to cute owls? LOL). I don't care if a person puts on a certain color for their kid because they like the color.

DS likes to play with crochet hooks, likes to sew with me on the serger :P
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Last edited by naura; 10-24-2011 at 07:27 PM.
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Old 10-25-2011, 07:24 AM   #26
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Re: non-gender programming

I have always bought my children a mix of toys, girl or boy. I find the trouble comes when grandpa or grandma or even dad ISn't on bored. I Find my self defending all the time, like my 2 1/2 year old LOVES barbie dolls! in the bath! and just to play. I let him and even encourage... but his dad will say stuff like " your not a girl, those are girl toys" ect. its hard to have the outsiders constantly 'correcting' your parenting. and Now I find even my 2 year old will NOT wear anything with pink on it weather it be a sock! ect :| not good!
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Old 10-25-2011, 08:59 AM   #27
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Re: non-gender programming

What this means for me: Allowing my kid to wear the spectrum of colors-no color is off limits if he wants it, gender neutral baby gear (Lime green is my favorite color anyway :-), allowing my kid to play with the spectrum of toys (his favorite toys now are trucks and brooms :-), exposing him to "cross-gender" roles and just modeling non-sex typed gender roles as much as possible. I find taking a gentler approach (i.e., simply introducing/exposing DS to stereotypically cross gendered things and giving him the choice) works well with a DH who isnt completely on board. It helps that even though DS is only 13 months old he is VERY stereotypically masculine already so DH doesnt feel as threatened by its "effects" on DS whatever that means .
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Old 10-26-2011, 02:16 PM   #28
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Re: non-gender programming

We don't completly do this, but I do allow our DS to play with all kinds of toys. Many of my friends who were pregnant at the same time as myself had girls, so they have dolls and barbies, doll houses and plenty of girly dress up clothes. When we do play dates I don't tell him he can'e play with those. I am one of 3 girls without any brothers so my mom has many toys of mine and my sisters from when we were younger that are girly. We allow DS to play with those. He loves our old dollhouse and loves friends dress up. We allow him to pick what toys he likes when shopping for x-mas or birthdays as he is still young enough to not remember the items he has picked lol. This is probably the last year we will be able to do this though.

HE also loves to carry around old purses of mine and loves to put headbands and hair clips in his hair. I think it comes from the fact that he is in a house full of women besides his father lol.
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Old 10-26-2011, 02:35 PM   #29
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Re: non-gender programming

Originally Posted by vatblack View Post
I don't give my child specific things or keep specific stuff away from her. I do avoid Disney princess bcs (like a pp I simply hate them), but since we have a lot of hand-me-downs, she tends to get those to wear too. She loves Diego as much as Dora. She has recently fallen in love with cars and babies. I encourage both - every toy she wants to play with. The first pair of shoes I bought her were boy shoes because they were on sale and I liked them.

In all honesty, I have no problem with girls identifying with being a girl or boys identifying with being boys - or them being made aware of the stereotypes. I don't get the gender neutral thing - we are men and we are women. My job as parent is not to raise a gender neutral person but to teach my children that gender and gender/sexuality choices don't matter. The lesson should be that we are EQUAL no matter what gender we are, what gender we want to be (either temporarily or always) and what gender we want to mate with. The secret is in WORKING HARD at what you like no matter what and not to judge anyone who is "different" in any way based on that difference. In my opinion gender neutrality robs children from opportunities to observe differences, acknowledge them, make peace with them but not live life based on them.

I mean some jobs/positions, for example, are simply gender specific - and should be. If you are a woman who likes men or women and you identify with being a women and mother - not being a man and father- then you cannot be a stay-at-home-DAD. It is simply impossible. KWIM?
I agree with this. My dd loves pink, sparkles, twirly skirts, nails painted (even though I haven't painted mine in years), lip gloss, etc. She also loves baseball, dinosaurs, trucks, green, climbing trees, etc. She wears jeans and sneakers most days but loves to put a tutu over them. My boys are very boyish but love to play with the play kitchen, dolls, crochet, and both like to wear pink. They don't paint their nails and have never asked to. If they had I would have said "what color?" I did dress them in gender neutral as well as gender specific clothing when they were babies.
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Old 10-27-2011, 08:28 PM   #30
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Re: non-gender programming

It is so funny because before we had children we talked about not gender programing but I think that it was ingrained in our son. All of the baby gear is gender neutral and the baby toys are a mix of girl and boy colors. We never watch sports and there is not even a man in the house. When he was 3 months old we went on a tour of new homes; each of the homes are decorated and finished and most of the homes had a finished basement with projection screen. Any house that we were in that had football on the TV he would turn around and crane his neck to watch the TV; if it did not have football then he did not care about it. We then started to notice that he would do that when the news was on. The minute the football highlights would come on he would stop what he was doing and watch the TV. It will be interesting to see if we have a girl what will happen.
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