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Old 09-21-2018, 05:39 PM   #121
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Re: September Chat

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Oh man, and the shampoo thing. DH thinks we should take our own shampoo if we stay somewhere like my parents' place. Why would I carry shampoo all the way up there? My mom keeps shampoo in every shower!!!

ETA: it makes me feel offensive to our hosts like I'm too good for their shampoo or my hair needs special stuff to look this hot. DH feels like we're abusing their hospitality by using their shampoo. It's like one little squeeze...


ThIs tickled me.

I bring all of our own stuff if it's DH's family we are staying with. BecAuse his mom uses weird stuff for everything. We never stay there though so it's a non-issue. The last time we were there was probably 4 years ago. And we have stayed at DH's dad's house once. And we stayed in the pool house there so again, all our own stuff. And we aren't close to them like that.

But my mom's or grandmother's or aunt's? Heck yeah I use their stuff. And don't care if they use mine. Razors and deodorant are personal hygiene items IMO. YUCK! I would kill someone if they used my deodorant or razor. But soap is soap. 🤷🏼*♀️

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Old 09-21-2018, 07:37 PM   #122
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Re: September Chat

What did they do to get kicked out Alga?

On the shampoo line, you never can tell what will be at my grandma's. One time it was shampoo "for people of color" (she's quite white). I asked her about it and she had picked it up on clearance and understood it to be for people with colored hair.

I met with a midwife today but I'm not 100% sold on her. There are so few options though I can't rule her out....the other one I called can't do my due date, and there's just one left that I know of.
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Old 09-21-2018, 07:52 PM   #123
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Re: September Chat

We take our own toiletries mainly because we stay for at least a week, and with 5 extra people using the shampoo, it'd be gone quickly. That, and we have different hair, and different needs. But, I know I could use family's shampoo/soap/whatever, and they know they are welcome to use mine. We don't share razors, though.

I am getting tired of sewing pillowcases. I really should work on them some more, but I don't want to tonight. Going to finish up 28 of them tomorrow, though.
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Old 09-21-2018, 08:47 PM   #124
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Re: September Chat

Jen, are you planning a home birth and/or have you done that before? Or midwife at the hospital?

I asked my OB to do a membrane sweep today and she wouldn't because I'm GBS+. Has anyone heard of that before? I thought everything I'd read said it didn't matter. They did it with my first and I was also GBS+ then. I have 4 days til my due date. I don't really mind going over, and I fully expect to, but with my first I went 10 days over and the doctors were starting to get pushy with the medical interventions. In the end, I didn't progress fast enough for them and had to be augmented with pitocin. I was hoping to get a sweep today and again next week so that I maybe wouldn't quite go 10 days over again, and maybe could do labor on my own. I'm fairly disappointed now. I feel doomed to pitocin. I know 1 pregnancy is no indicator of how this one will go, but I'm 39 weeks and haven't had a single contraction, including Braxton Hicks and I just feel like my dumb uterus doesn't know how.

To be honest, I don't even know what a contraction feels like. With my first, I was supposedly having them, but I never felt them (my water broke, so I had to go in and they told me I was having contractions), and they didn't make me dilate fast enough (so I guess they weren't very strong?), and then they gave me freak stories about how bad pitocin would be, and strongly encouraged I get an epidural before they start the pitocin, so I agreed. I feel a lot more informed this time, but you know how it is - once you get to the hospital there's all this pressure to meet their timelines and allow their interventions, and I just want to agree with what they tell me, even though this time I REALLY want to feel labor a little bit. I've read all these books and they tell me what to say in such situations, but today when she told me she couldn't sweep, even though I'd done tons of research on it, I was just like "ok" and came home. I did ask her if there was new research, and she said no, but some case studies, one of which happened at this hospital, so I'm thinking personal anecdote, not real evidence. She agreed to prescribe me antibiotics, and if I take them for 7 days, she'll do a sweep next week. Since I got home I've looked all over online and can't find anything about that protocol. Think she made it up? I'm not sure I want to be taking all these antibiotics...
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Old 09-22-2018, 06:03 AM   #125
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Re: September Chat

We would very much like a homebirth but we haven't had one before. I'm pretty naturally minded as far as birth goes, so my first three I had in a big hospital with a regular ob, but I spent SO much time and energy arguing with the doctors and policies. By number 4 we had decided we wanted a homebirth but had trouble finding anyone, and it was a very stressful time for us anyway--DH's dad was dying (and causing lots of drama and stress in the meantime), DH was working two jobs and changing one.... We did have him in a tiny hospital with a very naturally minded ob and it was pretty nice. (That ob is in the middle of changing practices so not taking people right now) With Addilyn I delivered in the same tiny hospital with a midwife but she moved away. :/ I'm pretty set on homebirth this time but I have reached out to everyone I can think of that might know and there is almost no one who covers our area.

That sounds crazy about your doctor. The only things I know about gbs is that they give antibiotics in labor and that they don't want your water to stay broken for ages...I didn't know they couldn't do a membrane sweep, but then again I've never had that done. Pitocin is pretty awful, but you don't have to get an epidural right at the outset. They usually give a little to start and then gradually increase. If you are having trouble standing up for yourself, take someone with you! If your DH doesn't mind speaking up/being forceful talk to him about what you want and have him be you advocate. But don't let them push you around! So much that they do in birth is not at all good practice and not based on research. Even one of my OBs told me that. :/

The weather has shifted suddenly cool again so I'm expecting a lot of snotty noses.

Today is our meet n greet for foster families that our faith based group set up. We are expecting around one hundred people and I'm a little nervous about how it will go.

That's a lot of pillowcases Talla, and I'd be tired of them too! I can do about six of something before it feels awfully monotonous.
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Old 09-22-2018, 11:48 AM   #126
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Re: September Chat

I second what Jen said, even if you are given Pitocin, you can request a low dose at first and try to work through it without an epidural. I had to do that with my third (long story) but with the help of an awesome L&D nurse and very supportive husband we made it through without the pain meds and it was fine. Not easy, of course, but doable. Don't let them scare you, write out your preferences ahead of time, and you can always bring a friend/family member to stand your ground for you if you aren't feeling up to it.
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Old 09-22-2018, 12:16 PM   #127
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Re: September Chat

I've never heard of that for GBS. If it were that easy to avoid complications why wouldn't they give antibiotics to all who tested positive while pregnant and not at birth?

I had one homebirth and it was enough. It irks me when die hard homebirth moms judge my decision to go back to hospital births. Obviously they think I did homebirth wrong. Lol

Kicked out kid: talked to his friend through all class and pretty much ignored all teachers, yelled out, asked me for pen and paper to write down class info and proceeded to write notes and pass them, called a boy a four eyed freak during break, interrupted teacher to say he was hungry, moved back to seat he was changed from, tried to get out if class and roam hallway with friend by saying he needed the bathroom, called a statue of Jesus "Captain Underpants." Final straw was when he encouraged his friend to throw paper across the room. All of this in the 1.5 hours I was with him. Later found out he called my kid a moron too.

He came back and apologized (made up some story) and proceeded to sit down and have lunch with me (had other options) and tell me all about himself.

If he was to be enrolled he'd make the teachers life difficult but I could probably make some progress with him since he's nothing compared to what I've dealt with. I opted to remove him and at least have twenty minutes of concept review and a water experiment without the distractions.
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Old 09-22-2018, 12:30 PM   #128
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Re: September Chat

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Originally Posted by jen_batten View Post
We would very much like a homebirth but we haven't had one before. I'm pretty naturally minded as far as birth goes, so my first three I had in a big hospital with a regular ob, but I spent SO much time and energy arguing with the doctors and policies. By number 4 we had decided we wanted a homebirth but had trouble finding anyone, and it was a very stressful time for us anyway--DH's dad was dying (and causing lots of drama and stress in the meantime), DH was working two jobs and changing one.... We did have him in a tiny hospital with a very naturally minded ob and it was pretty nice. (That ob is in the middle of changing practices so not taking people right now) With Addilyn I delivered in the same tiny hospital with a midwife but she moved away. :/ I'm pretty set on homebirth this time but I have reached out to everyone I can think of that might know and there is almost no one who covers our area.

That sounds crazy about your doctor. The only things I know about gbs is that they give antibiotics in labor and that they don't want your water to stay broken for ages...I didn't know they couldn't do a membrane sweep, but then again I've never had that done. Pitocin is pretty awful, but you don't have to get an epidural right at the outset. They usually give a little to start and then gradually increase. If you are having trouble standing up for yourself, take someone with you! If your DH doesn't mind speaking up/being forceful talk to him about what you want and have him be you advocate. But don't let them push you around! So much that they do in birth is not at all good practice and not based on research. Even one of my OBs told me that. :/

yeah, what I've read is that a lot of policies in OB were made for high-risk pregnancies, and it's just easier for doctors to use the same policies across the board. I can see that - if I were a doctor I wouldn't want to miss something, and it would be easy to assume most people want to get the job done as quickly and painlessly as possible.

I hope you get your home birth this time! I don't have the heart for one of those yet but I may change my mind after this one. I like that the option is there and I have a lot of respect for midwives, I'm just not ready to find one yet.




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I second what Jen said, even if you are given Pitocin, you can request a low dose at first and try to work through it without an epidural. I had to do that with my third (long story) but with the help of an awesome L&D nurse and very supportive husband we made it through without the pain meds and it was fine. Not easy, of course, but doable. Don't let them scare you, write out your preferences ahead of time, and you can always bring a friend/family member to stand your ground for you if you aren't feeling up to it.

i know it will be easier if I have someone advocate for me, but I feel a little weird about that, and DH does too. Like, if I say I want to avoid the epidural as long as possible, but then I get there and they try to talk me into it, DH feels weird telling them no, like he wants me to be in pain or like he's some controlling husband who thinks his wife should be miserable as long as possible. And I kind of agree with him. I would never be able to tell them to withhold pain meds from DH. Maybe some stuff he could advocate for, like postponing pitocin, but when the Dr is trying to tell us this is what's best, he feels weird arguing for me.




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I've never heard of that for GBS. If it were that easy to avoid complications why wouldn't they give antibiotics to all who tested positive while pregnant and not at birth?

I had one homebirth and it was enough. It irks me when die hard homebirth moms judge my decision to go back to hospital births. Obviously they think I did homebirth wrong. Lol

Kicked out kid: talked to his friend through all class and pretty much ignored all teachers, yelled out, asked me for pen and paper to write down class info and proceeded to write notes and pass them, called a boy a four eyed freak during break, interrupted teacher to say he was hungry, moved back to seat he was changed from, tried to get out if class and roam hallway with friend by saying he needed the bathroom, called a statue of Jesus "Captain Underpants." Final straw was when he encouraged his friend to throw paper across the room. All of this in the 1.5 hours I was with him. Later found out he called my kid a moron too.

He came back and apologized (made up some story) and proceeded to sit down and have lunch with me (had other options) and tell me all about himself.

If he was to be enrolled he'd make the teachers life difficult but I could probably make some progress with him since he's nothing compared to what I've dealt with. I opted to remove him and at least have twenty minutes of concept review and a water experiment without the distractions.
I will still get I've antibiotics in labor; these antibiotics are JUST to pre-treat for a membrane sweep. It doesn't totally add up I think.

Um I would have totally kicked that kid out. He sounds super disrespectful and needs to be shown that's not acceptable behavior.
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Old 09-22-2018, 12:45 PM   #129
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Re: September Chat

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yeah, what I've read is that a lot of policies in OB were made for high-risk pregnancies, and it's just easier for doctors to use the same policies across the board. I can see that - if I were a doctor I wouldn't want to miss something, and it would be easy to assume most people want to get the job done as quickly and painlessly as possible.

I hope you get your home birth this time! I don't have the heart for one of those yet but I may change my mind after this one. I like that the option is there and I have a lot of respect for midwives, I'm just not ready to find one yet.







i know it will be easier if I have someone advocate for me, but I feel a little weird about that, and DH does too. Like, if I say I want to avoid the epidural as long as possible, but then I get there and they try to talk me into it, DH feels weird telling them no, like he wants me to be in pain or like he's some controlling husband who thinks his wife should be miserable as long as possible. And I kind of agree with him. I would never be able to tell them to withhold pain meds from DH. Maybe some stuff he could advocate for, like postponing pitocin, but when the Dr is trying to tell us this is what's best, he feels weird arguing for me.






I will still get I've antibiotics in labor; these antibiotics are JUST to pre-treat for a membrane sweep. It doesn't totally add up I think.

Um I would have totally kicked that kid out. He sounds super disrespectful and needs to be shown that's not acceptable behavior.
I see, no matter what you will be getting antibiotics twice.

I think if you talk to nurses pre hard labor about what you really want they might be willing to work with you. I think they see lots of plans tossed by the wayside once labor starts and it jades them a bit. I think dads get anxious too as they see their wife suffer. If they are talking to you about epidural as soon as you arrive you have to be strong and tell them you plan to wait or avoid. It has to be firm from the beginning.
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Old 09-22-2018, 04:05 PM   #130
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Re: September Chat

E, in that birth that I mentioned, the midwife I loved so much came in and asked what I wanted to do. And I told her, I wanted to try and do it without an epidural. And she said, "well, I'm going to help you." and she did. It made all the difference to have someone with me who knew what labor looked like without an epidural (I didn't) and who could coach me through it.

I hope you can find a way to get the birth you are hoping for. You'll figure it out, I'm sure.
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