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Old 09-13-2018, 09:52 AM   #11
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Re: Advice, please

Ugh, that is so hard. I hate it when girls get catty and mean, it just makes me sick. I think you have good advice here. I honestly don't know what I would do, but it seems like talking to the parents first would be a good place to start. Do the parents know you? When they were talked to about their daughters last year, how did they respond?

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Old 09-13-2018, 11:15 AM   #12
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Re: Advice, please

Jen's reference is Matthew 18, and I agree - I would do without the pastors first, but obviously I don't know the whole situation. To me, this sounds like a teenage girl problem, not a church problem (and I would make sure Natalie understands that it is the individuals who are being catty, not the church or the youth group as a whole or whatever). Teenage girls are (ok, can be) nasty and mean, and that isn't really a reflection of the church or their parents or whatever.

I guess I'd try to follow Matthew 18 - talk to the girls first and make it clear that if they aren't willing to try to be kind then parents and pastors will get involved.

Or...maybe the pastors can start building some messages on kindness into their preaching/teaching. I well remember some of the things my "friends" said to/about me when I was that age. It's a rough time to go through, and I think especially for girls more than boys. Girls are just mean.
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Old 09-13-2018, 11:42 AM   #13
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Re: Advice, please

I definitely would NOT expect Natalie to be able to work it out by herself. I'm glad she can come to you and be given sound help with the situation.

Teenage girls are mean when they have a heart problem. I do hold parents responsible most of the time (but not every time) for issues like this. Something is missing in their upbringing OR they are caving to peer pressure to be catty.
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Old 09-13-2018, 07:55 PM   #14
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Re: Advice, please

Yeah I agree with the peer pressure thing. You're right, sometimes mean girls come from mean parents, but I think with girls that age there's such a strong desire to fit in and to be "popular" that girls can egg each other into doing things they maybe wouldn't do if they sat down and thought it through clearly first. It's hard to stand up for what you know is right when you think you might not be "cool" for it or some other girls might not like you for it.

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Old 09-14-2018, 05:18 AM   #15
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Re: Advice, please

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elchorrito View Post
Yeah I agree with the peer pressure thing. You're right, sometimes mean girls come from mean parents, but I think with girls that age there's such a strong desire to fit in and to be "popular" that girls can egg each other into doing things they maybe wouldn't do if they sat down and thought it through clearly first. It's hard to stand up for what you know is right when you think you might not be "cool" for it or some other girls might not like you for it.
I agree it's not directly a church issue, but perhaps there is a lesson to be learned about how youth time is structured.
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Old 09-14-2018, 09:08 AM   #16
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Re: Advice, please

As I read your problem, I agree with the very first suggestion. All the girls, their parents, and a mediator. This is beginning to sound like bullying and I'm sure none of the adults would find it acceptable if they knew the extent of it. These girls don't get to entertain themselves at the expense of your daughter. Hopefully a little sunlight is all that is needed.

On another note, until you can get this aired out, I would definitely let your daughter sit out the next grouping. Adults get to remove themselves from bad situations but children are sometimes made to bear these abusive scenarios to their detriment.

Best of luck. This is so hard. My daughter is a sensitive girl and she has a lot to work through too.
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Old 09-14-2018, 09:10 AM   #17
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Re: Advice, please

Yeah, I told Natalie she could sit in my class for a couple weeks, but that it would only be a temporary thing. I understand needing a break.

Well, we are trying for a meeting with everyone on Sunday. Would've been nice to do it earlier, but Natalie is in Tennessee until really late Saturday night.
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Old 09-14-2018, 04:29 PM   #18
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Re: Advice, please

Ugh this sounds awful. Girl drama can be so unnecessary and yet so many have to go through it.

It sounds like you are taking action already.

I hope you get a resolution your happy with and that the parents are cooperative.

I was at a homeschool thing and I was told how much better the teen girls were interacting this year meanwhile I'm completely unimpressed as they still seem cliquish.

It's a tough stage.

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Old 09-20-2018, 03:49 PM   #19
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Re: Advice, please

So sorry this is happening to Natalie! I think that you should try talking with the parents first and then if nothing can be resolved within you all speaking go to the Youth Pastor.
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Old 09-20-2018, 05:15 PM   #20
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Re: Advice, please

Any update, Talla?
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