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Old 08-03-2016, 01:49 PM   #21
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Re: How many people attended your birth? How do I say no?

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It was just me, my husband plus our doula. My mom didn't ask and my MIL barely hinted, but if either had asked I would have politely said no. If you don't want anyone else there, you should feel totally fine with that!

That being said, I was so into it towards the end that I'm not sure I would have cared or not. I kind of had tunnel vision so if people were quiet in the corner at the very end, I probably wouldn't have noticed. Or, it may have totally thrown me off, who knows!
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Old 09-15-2016, 08:15 PM   #22
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Re: How many people attended your birth? How do I say no?

It was just me, my boyfriend, my mom, and the midwife. Plus like 1 nurse. That's it. I didn't want anyone else seeing me like that, plus I wanted it to be special.
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Old 09-16-2016, 10:59 PM   #23
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Re: How many people attended your birth? How do I say no?

You've gotten tons of great (& hilarious! lol) advice from the mamas! I agree that it should be who YOU want to be there!! Having any extras will STRESS you out!!

I know some daddies want someone else there aside from the birth team / medical team and some daddies don't want anybody else there... I am all for considering the daddy's feeling's for everything, EXCEPT IN BIRTH if they conflict with MAMA. Mama should get the final say! She's going through the experience first hand. There is no "WE" in labor like the bologna of "WE'RE pregnant!!" Hog wash!!

I wouldn't even tell DH my EDD because I knew he would tell MIL. Finally I had to give him the EDD two weeks before so he could let work know around the time he would be taking off. I told him to keep it under wraps, but he told MIL. I was IRATE & COMPLETELY STRESSED out... WHY?! Because the woman kept emailing & calling asking if I was IN LABOR YET!?!?! Emails with titles like "ANY DAY NOW!!!!!!!!!" ... or "ANY CONTRACTIONS?!?!" etc. I was SOOOOO mad & STRESED!!!!! Then she was CALLING when she knew I was in labor... I was IRATE & it was BAD!! SO for our most recent birth, DH still told her my EDD (yes, I asked him not to yet again), but we told NOBODY I was in labor aside from those who were supposed to be there and we shut the phone off after everybody got there. My MW's nurse got some texts & I found that annoying because she checked them right next to be laboring in the tub trying to be in MY ZONE. She should have walked into another room, IMO.

Oh, and during a previous birth my FIL happened to call when I was in labor & DH told him I was (he was excited!), then the loon kept calling back (for 1 1/2 days!!!!!!)... I was SOOOOO upset & yelled to hang up!! We had the phone on (house phone) because we didn't have cell phones & we were waiting for my MW to get there... I had a stand-in MW while waiting for my MW and the temp MW drove me NUTS!! Kept talking about POLITICS as I was agonizing & trying to help my 10lb, 4oz CHUNK rotate around... I am sure due to all of that stress & not feeling PRIVATE & SAFE in my OWN HOME/ birth environment is why the baby was born POSTERIOR. It was STRESSFUL & VERY DIFFICULT trying to birth such a large baby, let alone posterior.

SO take the advice of these awesome mamas & learn from us.. JUST SAY NO!!!! lol Anything or anyone that stresses you out before labor, will stress you out IN labor. TRUST ME!!

We learned not to allow visitors for a few days aside from anybody who was at the birth and/or helped with our other kiddos during the birth. We wanted time to get to know our new baby & to let the siblings all bond. After our 2nd (homebirth) a sister of mine showed up WITHOUT CALLING and came with her two kids (who were always sick) and her boyfriend I had never met before. It was AWKWARD & STRESSFUL!! I had been up most of the night & had only gotten two hours of sleep by the time the doc & nurse left, before my sister & co dropped in on us. All I wanted was to SLEEP & NURSE my baby!! I was in my NIGHTIE with my huge, awkward breasts with a guy standing over me I had never met before. A-W-K-W-A-R-D!! We learned after that experience to be CLEAR when we want visitors & whom when.

I would tell people you will call them AFTER baby comes!! They will get the hint. Then just to make SURE nobody else shows up, do NOT tell anybody nor publicize (social media) you don't want there when labor starts (unless you know they won't show up unless you want them to... like I had a friend on standby in case we needed help with kids, to go to the hospital, etc). I would also tell the staff who YOU want & DO not WANT, just to make sure nobody tries to pop in. It would probably be stressful for you just knowing someone came uninvited & the staff had to turn them away, but it would be even more stressful for you to have them IN your birth space.

Stand strong & don't let anybody push you around!!
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Old 09-19-2016, 05:55 PM   #24
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Re: How many people attended your birth? How do I say no?

It has varied through all my births but no one was in the room that I didn't want in the room.

I would just be honest with everyone and tell them they're welcome to wait in the birthing center waiting area but only a couple people are going to be in the room with you through labor.

Your birthing center should also have a policy on this. Be sure to make a list of names of whom you know you want in the room. You're not the first mom they've had, and won't be the last, that needs a labor room bouncer (haha).
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Old 09-19-2016, 06:10 PM   #25
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Re: How many people attended your birth? How do I say no?

This astounded me! It's so hard for me to see that your family, friends, and even the nurse and MWs didn't respect you enough to listen to you and support you. There is so much bitterness and hostility coming through your reply I feel really bad for you. I can not phantom withholding the due date from the father and only giving it to him with stipulations.

I also, and I say both of the following to try to reassure the original poster, respectfully disagree..there is a "WE" in birth. I'm sorry your support system and father of your child wasn't very supportive, but thankfully that's not how all daddies and/or support systems are.

I can understand being irritated about the constant labor checks, but on the other hand I can understand the care and interest behind it. My last two births were somewhat high profile and we had many, many people waiting right along with us and I did my best to let the constant "check-ins" roll off my back, knowing that so many people were just so excited for the baby. Also, my boyfriend's son just had a baby on the 8th and while I really wanted to know what was happening I didn't want to be bothersome so I waited patiently for updates, so there are definitely decent human beings out there that will respect boundaries and the intimate nature of a labor and birth experience.

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Originally Posted by daddyn4wisechix View Post
You've gotten tons of great (& hilarious! lol) advice from the mamas! I agree that it should be who YOU want to be there!! Having any extras will STRESS you out!!

I know some daddies want someone else there aside from the birth team / medical team and some daddies don't want anybody else there... I am all for considering the daddy's feeling's for everything, EXCEPT IN BIRTH if they conflict with MAMA. Mama should get the final say! She's going through the experience first hand. There is no "WE" in labor like the bologna of "WE'RE pregnant!!" Hog wash!!

I wouldn't even tell DH my EDD because I knew he would tell MIL. Finally I had to give him the EDD two weeks before so he could let work know around the time he would be taking off. I told him to keep it under wraps, but he told MIL. I was IRATE & COMPLETELY STRESSED out... WHY?! Because the woman kept emailing & calling asking if I was IN LABOR YET!?!?! Emails with titles like "ANY DAY NOW!!!!!!!!!" ... or "ANY CONTRACTIONS?!?!" etc. I was SOOOOO mad & STRESED!!!!! Then she was CALLING when she knew I was in labor... I was IRATE & it was BAD!! SO for our most recent birth, DH still told her my EDD (yes, I asked him not to yet again), but we told NOBODY I was in labor aside from those who were supposed to be there and we shut the phone off after everybody got there. My MW's nurse got some texts & I found that annoying because she checked them right next to be laboring in the tub trying to be in MY ZONE. She should have walked into another room, IMO.

Oh, and during a previous birth my FIL happened to call when I was in labor & DH told him I was (he was excited!), then the loon kept calling back (for 1 1/2 days!!!!!!)... I was SOOOOO upset & yelled to hang up!! We had the phone on (house phone) because we didn't have cell phones & we were waiting for my MW to get there... I had a stand-in MW while waiting for my MW and the temp MW drove me NUTS!! Kept talking about POLITICS as I was agonizing & trying to help my 10lb, 4oz CHUNK rotate around... I am sure due to all of that stress & not feeling PRIVATE & SAFE in my OWN HOME/ birth environment is why the baby was born POSTERIOR. It was STRESSFUL & VERY DIFFICULT trying to birth such a large baby, let alone posterior.

SO take the advice of these awesome mamas & learn from us.. JUST SAY NO!!!! lol Anything or anyone that stresses you out before labor, will stress you out IN labor. TRUST ME!!

We learned not to allow visitors for a few days aside from anybody who was at the birth and/or helped with our other kiddos during the birth. We wanted time to get to know our new baby & to let the siblings all bond. After our 2nd (homebirth) a sister of mine showed up WITHOUT CALLING and came with her two kids (who were always sick) and her boyfriend I had never met before. It was AWKWARD & STRESSFUL!! I had been up most of the night & had only gotten two hours of sleep by the time the doc & nurse left, before my sister & co dropped in on us. All I wanted was to SLEEP & NURSE my baby!! I was in my NIGHTIE with my huge, awkward breasts with a guy standing over me I had never met before. A-W-K-W-A-R-D!! We learned after that experience to be CLEAR when we want visitors & whom when.

I would tell people you will call them AFTER baby comes!! They will get the hint. Then just to make SURE nobody else shows up, do NOT tell anybody nor publicize (social media) you don't want there when labor starts (unless you know they won't show up unless you want them to... like I had a friend on standby in case we needed help with kids, to go to the hospital, etc). I would also tell the staff who YOU want & DO not WANT, just to make sure nobody tries to pop in. It would probably be stressful for you just knowing someone came uninvited & the staff had to turn them away, but it would be even more stressful for you to have them IN your birth space.

Stand strong & don't let anybody push you around!!
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Old 09-20-2016, 10:31 AM   #26
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Re: How many people attended your birth? How do I say no?

I can't believe I'm still seeing these kinds of posts where friends/family members/random people ask to be at the delivery! Well, if people can give all sorts of advice and opinions during your pregnancy, I suppose you're free game at the hospital, right??

Fortunately, no one has insinuated their presence at the hospital when I gave birth. I had my mom and husband with me first time around. For the next three deliveries - #4 on September 8th - it was just my hubby (plus midwife and assisting nurse).

Now, visitors afterwards, that's another story! As soon as we announced baby's arrival people wanted to come visit and I wanted time to get cleaned up, settled, nurse in peace, maybe sleep. Last time around, we waited till the next day to tell people (except my in-laws, who were babysitting the big sibs).

I would not feel bad telling people, however forcefully, that this is a private, intimate time for you and your spouse. You don't need to justify the presence of anyone else who you may have invited (eg photographer friend). You could even be honest and say you don't want anyone else seeing you push a baby out of your vagina! I was honest with my midwife and told her I didn't even want the male MD in her practice to be assist me and that I preferred her or another midwife. Luckily, she let me call her personal cell phone and met us right at the hospital, with me the whole time. *sigh of relief* If you need an "excuse," just mention hospital policy or something.

Good luck!
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Old 12-08-2016, 11:40 PM   #27
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Re: How many people attended your birth? How do I say no?

Just say no. I can't imagine anyone insisting that they be allowed to have (not so) lovely views of your genitals. And just don't don't tell people when you're in labor. I expect when I go into labor, we will text just our parents to let them know and ask them to pray for a smooth and safe delivery. And add on to the text "we won't be checking our phones. We will call when the baby is born."

I plan for it to just be H. I don't even want my mom there. I have begun rethinking and maaaaaybe if my mom is around (which she won't be. Doesn't live near here) I would let her attend IF she promised to stay up by my head, lol. I have always been a very modest and private person, so honestly, I think my mom would be surprised if I asked her.
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Old 12-09-2016, 05:54 AM   #28
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Re: How many people attended your birth? How do I say no?

Sometimes if you let the nursing staff know, they are willing to say no to other people for you
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Old 05-02-2017, 08:48 AM   #29
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Re: How many people attended your birth? How do I say no?

You should be the one to choose who is there and who isnt after all Its your body and your birth.

At my first homebirth I had two midwives one being my mother, a sister in law, and a friend as a dula

Scound baby my Mom as midwife and same sister in law as helper my sister was to be there but got in mins after baby was born.
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Old 05-02-2017, 08:51 AM   #30
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Re: How many people attended your birth? How do I say no?

P.S I would have loved my husbend to have been with me but was unable because they where born in the states and he had no visa. Hopefully he will be able to join me for this birth
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