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Old 12-13-2012, 10:34 PM   #41
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Re: C-section shame

What I think is funny is that the moms who tote around their beautiful home/natural births like medals to be shown off to the world are going to look really lame when their kids are 23 years old and they are still talking about it.

You gave birth in your bed- good for you. This other person had a c-section, good for them. So and so breastfeeds, wonderful. That person formula feeds, great. Your baby can read the dictionary cover to cover, wowza. Who cares? These things do not matter in the long haul. Your kid was born healthy and you managed to keep them alive until they were adults and then you managed to kick them out so that they could get on with their lives and you could finally have some alone time with your husband.

By the way- I had three c-sections and never once felt ashamed. When I was pregnant with baby #2 my neighbor's baby had almost the same due date. She insisted she was having a vbac and would not shut up about it, trying to make me feel inferior. Well, the day after my c-section guess who I saw in the hallway? My neighbors husband all dolled up in scrubs, waiting for his wife to get a c-section. That put a smile on my face!

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Old 12-13-2012, 10:37 PM   #42
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What I think is funny is that the moms who tote around their beautiful home/natural births like medals to be shown off to the world are going to look really lame when their kids are 23 years old and they are still talking about it.

You gave birth in your bed- good for you. This other person had a c-section, good for them. So and so breastfeeds, wonderful. That person formula feeds, great. Your baby can read the dictionary cover to cover, wowza. Who cares? These things do not matter in the long haul. Your kid was born healthy and you managed to keep them alive until they were adults and then you managed to kick them out so that they could get on with their lives and you could finally have some alone time with your husband.

By the way- I had three c-sections and never once felt ashamed. When I was pregnant with baby #2 my neighbor's baby had almost the same due date. She insisted she was having a vbac and would not shut up about it, trying to make me feel inferior. Well, the day after my c-section guess who I saw in the hallway? My neighbors husband all dolled up in scrubs, waiting for his wife to get a c-section. That put a smile on my face!
That's just disgusting that put a smile on your face. No matter how you birth be proud. I'm proud if my csections and I'm proud of the baby I had in my bed.
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Old 12-14-2012, 10:23 AM   #43
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Re: C-section shame

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What I think is funny is that the moms who tote around their beautiful home/natural births like medals to be shown off to the world are going to look really lame when their kids are 23 years old and they are still talking about it.

You gave birth in your bed- good for you. This other person had a c-section, good for them. So and so breastfeeds, wonderful. That person formula feeds, great. Your baby can read the dictionary cover to cover, wowza. Who cares? These things do not matter in the long haul. Your kid was born healthy and you managed to keep them alive until they were adults and then you managed to kick them out so that they could get on with their lives and you could finally have some alone time with your husband.

By the way- I had three c-sections and never once felt ashamed. When I was pregnant with baby #2 my neighbor's baby had almost the same due date. She insisted she was having a vbac and would not shut up about it, trying to make me feel inferior. Well, the day after my c-section guess who I saw in the hallway? My neighbors husband all dolled up in scrubs, waiting for his wife to get a c-section. That put a smile on my face!
Wow...just wow. I'm glad that you were super happy that your neighbor was getting cut open instead of having her baby the way that she had hoped.

Also, I think that there are so many benefits that go along with a vaginal birth, that it's not so simple as saying "everyone had their baby so it's all okay". THere are so many documented medical benefits to vaginal birth, that it's entirely possible that we would have less incidence of allergies, arthritis, diabetes, celiacs, UC, etc...and higher rates of breastfeeding along with all of those health benefits if more women birthed vaginally. You also seem to be discounting the feelings of many women who are emotionally damaged or whose self-esteem is lowered because they feel that they failed. That feeling might very well haunt them for years. Are you going to tell those women that it doesn't matter?
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Old 12-14-2012, 10:33 AM   #44
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Re: C-section shame

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Wow...just wow. I'm glad that you were super happy that your neighbor was getting cut open instead of having her baby the way that she had hoped.

Also, I think that there are so many benefits that go along with a vaginal birth, that it's not so simple as saying "everyone had their baby so it's all okay". THere are so many documented medical benefits to vaginal birth, that it's entirely possible that we would have less incidence of allergies, arthritis, diabetes, celiacs, UC, etc...and higher rates of breastfeeding along with all of those health benefits if more women birthed vaginally. You also seem to be discounting the feelings of many women who are emotionally damaged or whose self-esteem is lowered because they feel that they failed. That feeling might very well haunt them for years. Are you going to tell those women that it doesn't matter?
Not the place for this. At all. The overwhelming majority of women don't care how their baby gets here (in spite of their preferences) as long as they are treated kindly and they and baby are safe. Coming to the c-section board and spouting off the "science" (c-sections increase risk of allergies? Doubtful) about the benefits of vaginal birth is beyond inappropriate.
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Old 12-14-2012, 10:50 AM   #45
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Re: C-section shame

I hate it most when other c section mamas say it didn't hurt. HOW ON EARTH COULD IT NOT HURT. I broke out into a cold sweat just standing the first time. When I went home I found out I couldn't get up alone. My husband had to help me. So since he had to work I had to sleep sitting semi upright or be stuck flat on my back until he came home. Then I had the brilliant idea I would put my nb to sleep in her bassinet. I stood their for several minutes trying to figure out how on earth I was supposed to get her out. I couldn't bend over to lift her out of the bassinet.

I would love a vbac. How humiliating is it when your mother is a homebirth midwife, your baby sister delivered vbac, tear free, and med free a 10lb 13oz baby and you cannot even have a natural birth with a 7lb 7oz baby.

I have been told by midwives and doctors alike I must deliver any future children by csection. Even then I had one intern tell me with my history baby and I would almost certainly die if I attempted a pregnancy let alone a natural delivery. I think he exaggerated a lot but still scary to think about.
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Old 12-14-2012, 11:09 AM   #46
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Re: C-section shame

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Wow...just wow. I'm glad that you were super happy that your neighbor was getting cut open instead of having her baby the way that she had hoped.

You also seem to be discounting the feelings of many women who are emotionally damaged or whose self-esteem is lowered because they feel that they failed. That feeling might very well haunt them for years. Are you going to tell those women that it doesn't matter?
I agree with this. Being happy because someone couldn't vbac isn't nice at all. It does hurt even years later I couldn't deliver any of my children naturally. My first and my third would almost certainly be dead without a csection. My second could have and should have been a natural birth. I panicked and went into the hospital. A forced c section is akin to rape in my opinion. How much more invasive and violated can you get than to have your body cut open without your permission or in my case forced permission. They were threatening my mother with arrest because she was trying to help me. I gave in when they went after her. It almost killed my son as I was already pushing him out and close to crowning. I don't think I am exaggerating when I say that either. He was deeply bruised from elbow to elbow. It was several months before the deepest bruises totally disappeared. He had issues because when his neck stretched as they pulled on him it did damage to his neck. I am at peace with my first and third births. My second hurts deeply 9 1/2 years later.

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Not the place for this. At all. The overwhelming majority of women don't care how their baby gets here (in spite of their preferences) as long as they are treated kindly and they and baby are safe. Coming to the c-section board and spouting off the "science" (c-sections increase risk of allergies? Doubtful) about the benefits of vaginal birth is beyond inappropriate.
I am a three time c section mama. All future births must be c sections. Maybe not all is welcomed but it does validate my pain to have it acknowledged. My emotional pain has lasted years longer than the physical pain of giving birth via c section to my second child. To be told my pain doesn't matter can be just as hurtful as to be told a c section is the easy way out.
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Old 12-14-2012, 11:21 AM   #47
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That's awesome your mom us s midwife. I love that you have someone you can trust to give you the right information. I'm so sport your son was hurt. No.mother wants that but it still doesnt take away the feelings of wanting a natural baby. I agree this isn't the place for debate but I agree with everything said about vbacs. This isn't the place for bashing vbac/natural birthing moms Either.
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Old 12-14-2012, 11:27 AM   #48
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Re: C-section shame

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I think it has less to do with an individual and everything to do with a lot of peoples current distrust of Doctors and the high C-section rate.

I went to an ob after I had my son. It was just for a pap. I was not on birth control. I did not have insurance and was a self-pay. The doctor told me I needed to be on birth control because I "couldn't have a child naturally with my stature". I sat there as he lectured me about my need for birth control because I didn't have insurance and would need a c-section. I then very calmly told him that instead of being concerned about my financial status, he should read my chart because I have already given birth vaginally with no rips, tears, or complications of any kind and at that point in time was not sexually active. It made me very angry that just because I'm 5 foot tall in this doctor's mind I would have to have a c-section.
My sister was in labor for over 36 hours before she had a c-section with her first child. I realize that not everyone is able to have a child vaginally and it is not always the best course of action for everyone. But my own experience with being told I would "need" a c-section makes me very leery. I would probably advise any friend of mine to get a 2nd opinion especially because the recovery time on a vaginal birth is much faster than a c-section. I don't think people are trying to judge anyone that has a c-section or decides not to have a v-bac. I would never judge someone that was put in that circumstance because any mom would chose a c-section and a live baby over a natural birth with a possible bad outcome. We make medical choices based on the information we are given by our doctors. Those decisions are not "wrong" nor do strangers have the right to second guess the choices a mom makes. I do think patients have every right to question the information they are being given and to get a 2nd opinion if possible. A 2nd opinion is empowering a person with more information to make the right choice for them. (And that 2nd opinion would NOT be leaving the hospital in the middle of a breach birth to ask a midwife! That is just a "crazy" comment)

Anyway that is my view from the other side of the fence. Please don't see all the comments made about c-sections or c-section rates as a personal attack. I know I'm probably guilty of it. It's not meant to be a personal attack or a criticism of the medical decision of an individual. It's a criticism of the a medical profession that has high rate of intervention.
I know at least two women personally who were told sections only. The first one I have no idea why the doctor told her this. She was a first time mama. He didn't even want to give her a trial of labor. She did go into labor a bit early. Not preemie just earlier than the doctor expected. He was out of town so the on call doctor delivered her with no issues vaginally. The other woman had had a veritcal or old fashioned c section previously. the doctor first told her yes she could have a vbac then changed his mind when she was closer to delivery. She refused the section. When she didn't show up at the hospital the doctor had the gall to send the police to escort her to the hospital. She called my mother in a panic asking for help(she couldn't speak English) when she did go into labor and went to the hospital I accompanied her in to translate for her. The whole time she was laboring ALL the doctors and nurses kept trying to tell her she and baby would positively die. She finally delivered safely and complication free vaginally. Not only is she and baby alive she went on to have 3 more children.

Because of doctors like this many women nolonger trust doctors. I know I trust very few doctors at all. To find one I trusted to tell me the truth about my need for a section I had to travel out of state. Any children I have in future will also be born out of state just so this doctor I trust can do the delivery even though I know it will have to be c section.
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Old 12-14-2012, 11:31 AM   #49
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Re: C-section shame

What always kills me is the folks that say "Your body won't grow a baby bigger than you can deliver". Um, REALLY?!?! Because I'm a small framed 5 ' 4" person with a TINY pelvis. And my body grew an 11lb 7 oz giant sized baby with a HUGE head. Sure my mom delivered 4 kids all naturally, and one was 10lbs 2oz. but she's also taller than me, and we are not built the same. I have broader shoulders, but tiny tiny hips (and pelvis based on ultrasounds). Most of my SILs deliver naturally, I'm happy for them, I truely am, but that doesn't mean I deserve to be "less" of a mom because I can't. My dad was a similar size and my grandma a similar size and guess what, after 5 days of active labor and over 24 hours of pushing on and off they had to break her pelvis and my dads collar bones to get him out. Um, not THANKS! I'll take the csection. My family is living proof that bodies can grow babies bigger than we can deliver. We are small girls who have big boys. My grandma almost died giving birth to my dad, it's really a miracle she didn't, and my dad was non responsive when they got him out so it's a suprise that he was revived.And because of that experience my grandma was never able to have more kids. And folks still have the nerve to tell me that my body won't grow a baby bigger than I can deliver. I went 40 weeks, and he was so big he didn't engage, I didn't dialate or efface, my body was making no preparations for birth. I can only imagine if my dr had let me go further than that just how big my boy would have been. And no my dr isn't scalpel happy in fact when I came out of the room in tears his nurse actually didn't believe me that he was schedualing a c section because he just doesn't do that. I love my dr. and completely trust him. It just really makes me mad that folks who don't know my medical history and don't know me or my dr. have the nerve to question and tell me that drs are cut happy. Um, thank you, that may be true, but mine is not. And I was devestated enought to have to need a c section and my dr and I did not take the decision lightly. I wish people would quit questioning why or telling me that size alone is not a reason for one. And frankly with all my other medical issues, I'm not entirely sure I"d even attempt a vbac. But at least this time, I"m at peace with it. I will gladly do whatever gives my and baby the best chance at being healthy- shoudl I ever be blessed with another child.
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Old 12-14-2012, 11:35 AM   #50
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Re: C-section shame

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I know at least two women personally who were told sections only. The first one I have no idea why the doctor told her this. She was a first time mama. He didn't even want to give her a trial of labor. She did go into labor a bit early. Not preemie just earlier than the doctor expected. He was out of town so the on call doctor delivered her with no issues vaginally. The other woman had had a veritcal or old fashioned c section previously. the doctor first told her yes she could have a vbac then changed his mind when she was closer to delivery. She refused the section. When she didn't show up at the hospital the doctor had the gall to send the police to escort her to the hospital. She called my mother in a panic asking for help(she couldn't speak English) when she did go into labor and went to the hospital I accompanied her in to translate for her. The whole time she was laboring ALL the doctors and nurses kept trying to tell her she and baby would positively die. She finally delivered safely and complication free vaginally. Not only is she and baby alive she went on to have 3 more children.

Because of doctors like this many women nolonger trust doctors. I know I trust very few doctors at all. To find one I trusted to tell me the truth about my need for a section I had to travel out of state. Any children I have in future will also be born out of state just so this doctor I trust can do the delivery even though I know it will have to be c section.
Ok, that is FREAKY and would make me not trust drs. either! Holy crap!
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