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Old 08-03-2010, 03:53 PM   #1
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"i want my birth the way i want it" vent!

i have got to admit, i am so incredibly jealous of all you low-risk mommies who are planning homebirths.
(are any of you, actually?)
i want a homebirth. i mean, want... need... am craving... strongly desire... a homebirth. it's bad and frustrating and irritating and argggh!
because of the uterine anomaly, i'm immediately classified as "high risk" by most OBs.
really, i should just call a homebirth midwife and ask.
but then i lose my guts, chicken out, and think about the cost of a homebirth. i don't even know if i could afford it. and what midwife will take me at 31+ weeks? basically, i am so afraid of being told "no" that i'm afraid to ask. i feel like such a little chicken.
i just don't want to deliver in the stupid hospital. i "like" hospitals and i don't want to deliver in one (as in, i can tolerate being in one just fine...) i just don't want to deal with strangers, and nurses, and screaming laboring women, and doctors giving me "suggestions" and nurses saying to push and having my legs hoisted up. i want to snuggle with my baby and not have to worry about the vernix and having him snatched away for bath time and monitoring in the nursery.
i've got a pretty eloquent birth plan, but i still feel like it would not be enough to get what i want, KWIM?
so... that's my vent... i am frustrated. i want a homebirth. i am so incredibly tempted to just not GO to the hospital and do it unassisted... call me crazy, but that's my hearts desire at this point...
argh.
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Old 08-03-2010, 04:02 PM   #2
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Re: "i want my birth the way i want it" vent!

Nicole,

If it's something you want so badly, it is DEFINITELY worth looking into. Just because an OB considers you high risk doesn't *necessarily* mean a midwife would. And it's not going to hurt anything to just call around and talk to some midwives. I would try to find 3 good local homebirth midwives and sit and talk to each of them and just see what they say. Usually they don't charge you for the consultation. Also, there are midwives that will take you on even at 31 weeks - so don't let that deter you either. Just make a list and call them! Do it now! Don't procrastinate! If you don't at least try you may always regret it.

And I totally get why you want a homebirth! We're planning a homebirth with our first (due Aug 18th), and very excited about it.

Best of luck to you!

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Old 08-03-2010, 04:09 PM   #3
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Re: "i want my birth the way i want it" vent!

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Old 08-03-2010, 04:10 PM   #4
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Old 08-03-2010, 04:11 PM   #5
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Re: "i want my birth the way i want it" vent!

DD crashing, kinda

It is definitely not too late! My midwife gets "late adds" all the time. She actually deals with a lot of Amish and Mennonites that pretty much set their own prenatal schedule. In fact some call when they are 8-9 months and say, BTW.....

I also am considered high risk but I didn't have trouble finding a highly qualified midwife to assist in my birth. In many cases what an ob would consider high risk could be totally different.It can't hurt to ask, right?
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Old 08-03-2010, 04:19 PM   #6
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Re: "i want my birth the way i want it" vent!

I was initially told I wouldn't be given a VBA2C and I just accepted that due to being high risk. Last week I questioned it, basically said I didn't want to make my c-sec appointment and she said if I do the research and make an informed decision then I could have a VBA2C and it "shouldn't" be a problem as long as I'm not sick. So basically ... you NEED to ask or you'll never know.
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Old 08-03-2010, 04:39 PM   #7
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Re: "i want my birth the way i want it" vent!

I am planning a HB...I had 3 in the hossy...the first 2 with a doc that patted me on the shoulder(after barely making the birth of DD1) and said "you're the easiest money I've ever made"...However, my second OB is literally someone I trust with my life and he respects my decisions without question...But honestly I hate the hospital experience...I have no support, except DH, from our families...But I am thrilled about doing this at home...I know there are several MW in my area and even though my MW wouldn't take you it's only because she's bound by the laws in our state as a CNM...I do believe that every other would have taken you in a heartbeat even at a later date...Please Nicole call around and find out what they have to say about your actual risk as opposed to your "classified risk"...
Give it a shot
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Old 08-03-2010, 05:46 PM   #8
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Re: "i want my birth the way i want it" vent!

It's never too late to ask around. Ultimately you know your body and need to feel safe, confident, and comfortable. Good Luck! Maybe if you are unable to homebirth you can set some limits on how much care you allow the team in the hospital to push on you. Support during birth is different for everyone. Some women want to do it all themselves and their support looks like the birth team just stepping back and honoring the space. Other women support needs more hands on.
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Old 08-03-2010, 08:49 PM   #9
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Re: "i want my birth the way i want it" vent!

It won't hurt to ask around. I was told by my OB a vaginal birth wouldn't be possible if we had #3. I'm planning a home birth because I refuse to be cut open again. As long as the MW's have space in their schedules, I don't see why they wouldn't take you on as a patient and you likely will have a reduced fee because you are later in your pregnancy. Most of them take payment plans so it is worth looking into at least for your peace of mind.
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Old 08-03-2010, 09:19 PM   #10
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Re: "i want my birth the way i want it" vent!

Thanks everyone! I emailed my hypnobirthing instructor who told me she knows of 4 midwives in town who will do homebirths. Hopefully I'll hear back from her and make some calls tomorrow.
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