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Old 10-28-2013, 09:25 AM   #51
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Re: Children Before Marriage

I have 4 kids, all by the same dad (my now ex husband).. but we didnt have them all while married.. In a nutshell here's how our situation went:

Met on Dec 25th 2003 and started dating right away
By January 2004 we were living together
May 2005 found out we were expecting #1
December 25th 2005 got engaged
DS1 born Jan 2006
May 2006 found out we were expecting #2
Married Sep 2006
DD born Dec 2006
DS2 born Nov 2008
July 2010 realized the relationship was over and decided to contact a divorce attorney (while in the hospital on bedrest.. and No, I didnt talk to my husband about this.. which i totally feel awful about now)
DS3 born Aug 2010
Left him and filed for divorce Sep 2010

In retrospect, I pushed him into marriage because I felt like it was the right thing to do because we got pregnant together... Not one of my brightest ideas, thats for sure!

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Last edited by LunaBirch; 10-28-2013 at 09:28 AM.
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Old 10-28-2013, 09:54 AM   #52
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Re: Children Before Marriage

My grandmother was pregnant with my mom (their first) when she and my grandpa got married (not very far along, but the math checks out, LOL). They had 5 children in total and they have been together for 52 years!

My mom was pregnant with me (about 4 months) when my parents got married. They had one more kid (my little bro) and have been together for 30 years!

DH and I broke the cycle (it was huge running joke with the family when we didn't have a baby within less than 9 months of our wedding). We got married and didn't have our DD until we were married 6 years.

Everyone is different and you can be together for 10 months or 10 years before you get married and there are so many contributing factors. Some people have kids before marriage, others wait a while. My best advice is always communicate, never let one another say "nothing is wrong" (when you know darn well something is wrong) and laugh together every day.
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Last edited by Hi-Dog; 10-28-2013 at 09:55 AM.
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Old 10-28-2013, 10:10 AM   #53
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I became pregnant with my first while I was engaged to DH (we had been together for 4 years and engaged for 2 at that point) and we started TTC my DS the month before my wedding - I got a BFP on Thursday and got married on Saturday, lol. We are now married with 3 children.
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Old 11-01-2013, 01:35 PM   #54
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Re: Children Before Marriage

Still not married, but have been together for 14 years now. Basically, half our lives! Got pregnant at 21 during my last year of college and gave birth a few months after graduating. I feel like the odds were stacked against us for sure! I was working ft being paid fairly well, my honey had a lower paying job, just finished his associates degree and after 1 year at the university he dropped out. He really hated school and the baby was a good excuse for him.

I used to feel alone and ashamed about our story, and getting knocked up out of wedlock, but i'm owning it and I don't care anymore that we didn't do things the traditional way. Were 29 and 28. We have friends who have super cliche stories. Like one got married, bought a house, then a week later found out that they were expecting, when they didn't want kids for another few years. Devastating news for them, but at least they were married and in their late 20's! Us on the other hand..total opposite!

I don't think it really matters in the end whether your married or not when you have kids, relationships all go through the same adjustments when you start a family. And it's hard work whether your 20 or 30 or 40!
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Old 11-01-2013, 07:49 PM   #55
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Re: Children Before Marriage

I was a divorcee at 20, so technically they're both after marriage DS1's father and I got engaged a few months after I got pregnant (had been discussing it before then, so it wasn't a pressure to marry situation). We split when DS1 was 9w old. DS2's father and I were together for 2m, and if you're one for U/S dating on conception, I got pregnant the very first time we had sex, so when we split I was about 6w along.

Still single, doesn't bother me.
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Old 11-02-2013, 12:22 PM   #56
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Re: Children Before Marriage

I'm trying to conceive using a donor, happily single. I don't care if I ever get married but having a child is a must. If I find a husband later so be it but I'm not going to get married/be in a relationship just so I can have a child.
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Old 11-02-2013, 06:50 PM   #57
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Re: Children Before Marriage

I've been with my partner for 8 1/2 years. We will have our 2nd kid in December and we have no plans to marry, although we talked seriously about it when I was pregnant with our first. We've had ups and downs, but we're happy.
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Old 02-27-2014, 10:24 PM   #58
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Re: Children Before Marriage

We planned our son and are not married or engaged. We do plan to get married one day. But for now we're just enjoying the present. When people find out our son was planned but we're not legally married theyre usually surprised. Most people just assume we're married though. We've been together 3 years.
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Old 03-02-2014, 01:17 AM   #59
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Re: Children Before Marriage

I'm currently 26 weeks pregnant with my first. My partner and I have been together for two years, we've been planning on getting married but the pregnancy was a surprise. I still have many more years of school ahead of me, and we're holding off on getting legally married because of financial aid eligibility for me. I do struggle with feeling sad about wanting him to be my "husband" and to be his "wife" but I'm dealing with it. He's of the opinion that that baby is enough to deal with right now, which I understand and respect.
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Old 08-14-2014, 09:44 AM   #60
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Re: Children Before Marriage

may I ask how you all decided to do this? Im in a current situation and want to know if you all talked everything thru before trying. like who will do what, living arrangements, what if you break up, if you plan to be married and or not, etc.

we plan to be together but we dont live together now and am stuck on a couple things we have not discussed or decided in detail. i think we'd wait 2 yrs if I had it but I have a very low egg reserve so im pre menopause. we both want a child and its rushing to my standards to be doing all this but if I was single I would be pregnant now w medical assistance. I cannot wait any longer.
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