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Old 06-25-2018, 07:16 PM   #1
kmrotski
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WANTED: Bedtime Help!

DS2 is 28mos and DS3 is 11mos old and they share a room. Bed time has never been an issue until now. It is EXHAUSTING.

Its not the actual bed time that is the hard part its them going to bed! When I say its bed time DS2 goes straight up stairs and starts his routine with no fuss (usually). Then I put them in their beds, say goodnight and leave the room then chaos breaks loose! DS3 throws his pacifiers and screams until you come get them for him and he does this on repeat until he feels like going to bed. Ive tried to not give them back but that just lead to more screaming. DS2 used to get up and turn the light on but I have now duct taped the switch so thats no longer an issue but he still gets up and plays and goofs around which keeps DS3 up. Also almost every single night DS2 poops within the hour if not minutes of putting him to bed.

This has been going on for weeks now, maybe a month.

I dont know how much longer I can do this dance before I pull all my hair out. I literally spend sometimes up to 2 hours playing this game with them.

Any advice?! HELP!

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Old 06-25-2018, 07:55 PM   #2
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Re: WANTED: Bedtime Help!

IMO, you've started a bad habit with the pacifier and it will be a pain to undo, but the only options I see are to fix the habit or keep giving in. I would tell him when you put him to bed that you are not going to pick up his pacifier for him. And then NO MATTER WHAT, stick to it. The first night he will cry and scream a long time, and it will be horrible. Probably the second and maybe third night as well. But if you stick to it, it will usually be greatly improved or even completely fixed by day fiveish.

For the older one, I would sit outside the door for several days. If he starts to get out of bed, firmly correct him. Eventually he will realize when you say bedtime, it's time to stay there and you will be able to move on with your evening much more peacefully.


ETA--I don't have a fix for the pooping issue. Some kids are just like that and his schedule will probably eventually resolve on it's own.

Last edited by jen_batten; 06-25-2018 at 07:57 PM.
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Old 06-25-2018, 09:15 PM   #3
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Re: WANTED: Bedtime Help!

I agree with Jen. Unfortunately, I think you're in for another rough week or two until they settle. But, I think we have had to deal with something just like this or similar. It will pass. Hang on just a little longer.
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Old 06-26-2018, 04:09 AM   #4
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Re: WANTED: Bedtime Help!

Fyi I've never had kids share a room.

First I'm assuming DS3 is in a crib and DS2 is not? I would suspect that one issue help cause the other. If I was DS3 and my brother was getting out of bed and playing when I was stuck in my crib I could see causing a scene and getting attention. If I was DS2 and my brother was screaming so I couldn't sleep, I could see getting out of bed and playing instead. Fixing one issue might not solve the other at this point but understanding the start might be helpful.

I would agree with the other poster that solving DS3 issue maybe letting him alone more to cry and solving DS2 is being more attentive but I don't see fixing both issues at once working well. So if there is ANYWAY to split them up, even temporary, I would stay that is your first step. Otherwise I feel like you would have to work on one problem and then the other. But, I couldn't see myself going in to tell DS2 to stay in bed, walking passed DS3 crying about the pacifiers. Then expecting DS3 to stay in bed for 2h while his brother crys. I also couldn't see leaving DS3 crying in his crib while his brother plays on the floor next to him. So I'd really split them up even if you have to use a closet or other space.

If there is no way to split them up, I would probably work on DS2, talking with him how you expect him to stay in bed, maybe even letting him bring a stuff animal or action figure he is allowed to play with in bed. And put him back in bed as soon as he gets out. When you go in the room give, DS3 back the pacifiers (or praise him for keeping his pacificers if that is the case). MAYBE if you are lucky, DS3 will get that DS2 has to stay in bed and it will begin to solve both issues. I don't see how any other solution will work for both at this point.

Then when DS2 starts behaving, if DS3 is still throwing out his pacifiers I'd almost say its time to give up the pacifiers, if he won't hold on to them (honestly we did it around 18m and its the best decision ever, the older they get the harder it can be). But its funky, I don't know how you can expected DS2 to lay in bed while his brother is crying...

As far as the pooping, during the bedtime process encourage it but that might just be something that goes with time. Does DS2 tell you when his pooped at least?
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Old 06-26-2018, 05:38 AM   #5
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Re: WANTED: Bedtime Help!

I am SOOO happy most of you are saying to let DS3 get over the pacifiers! Id love love love for him to not use them. Ive hated them since day one. I tried at 6mos to take it away (it only stays in his bed he doesnt use one otherwise) but his scream can be heard in the next county so it was my fault and I gave in eventually.

And yes, DS2 will tell me he pooped. Usually the first or second time I go in to give DS3 his pacifier he tells me he pooped. Some times even an hour later. Most of the time he settles down much more and starts to chill out after Ive changed him. Its like he waits up to poop before he is ready to go to bed.

Do yall really think splitting them up wouldnt just cause an issue again when I reunite them?? DS1 is gone for another couple weeks and I could put DS3 in his room but I thought that would make it worse when I have to put them back together.
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Old 06-26-2018, 07:42 AM   #6
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Re: WANTED: Bedtime Help!

I don't think splitting them up at this point would be helpful. You might consider staggering their bedtimes, though.
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Old 06-26-2018, 08:54 AM   #7
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Re: WANTED: Bedtime Help!

Thinking about it over the morning, I was wondering if they were both attention getting because they aren't tired enough. So is the bedtime at an appropriate time for both of them? They are likely both napping right? Or maybe bedtime is too early for 1 or both of them. OR (and this is the tricky part) maybe one or both are overtired because bedtime is too late (if this is the case of DS3 this would be ideal).

We are having an issue now, DD is 4.5y if she gets even a 15m nap it causes us issues. Her bedtime is by 8p but even a 15m nap can cause her issues falling asleep until 9-10p. It's a big pain, though she is usually exhausted before 8 if we skip nap.

Staggering bedtime could be a good solution. Give DS2 more time to poop before bed and work with taking paci away from DS3. If DS2 isn't doing potty time yet, maybe adding potty time to the nighttime routine will give him an opportunity to poop. Even if it doesn't happen the first few weeks, if he isn't resistant it may eventually be poop time - and good exposure to the potty.

Good Luck!
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Old 06-26-2018, 07:33 PM   #8
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Re: WANTED: Bedtime Help!

So after taking all your advice into consideration I tackled it head on today. I must say the results are not too shabby!

DS2 pooped in the potty before bed. He pooped in the potty twice today and he never had before! Hopefully that helps hold him til morning.

I went cold turkey with DS3s pacifiers and took them away at nap time and nap #1 he fussed for a long while but did take a nap eventually. Nap #2 he fussed for far less time and napped well.

So now bed time rolled around...

I put them down and at first DS3 was not pleased about no pacifier and screamed his head off for a bit then they got super quiet and I checked the monitor and DS3 took his diaper off and was just rolling around naked happy as can be! (My fault because I usually put pj shorts over aplix diapers but forgot) Lol I knew it was too good to be true. Going in there to put his diaper back on definitely stirred them up and DS2 popped right out of bed wanting to be goofy and such.

BUT all in all this bed time has been more successful then any bed time in the past month!!!! (So far)

Thank you thank you thank you!

It seems so silly because its not like any of the changes I made were rocket science but just getting input from someone that isnt in the heat of the chaos and frazzled by the situation can be so eye opening.
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Old 06-26-2018, 09:44 PM   #9
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Re: WANTED: Bedtime Help!

Yeah, sometimes when you're in it, the solution isn't so clear. Glad things went better.
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Old 06-27-2018, 03:25 AM   #10
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Re: WANTED: Bedtime Help!

I hope it continues. I find even just writing out my issues on Ds can help me think clearer, then bonus good advice. :-) Here is hoping is continues to get better!!
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