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Old 06-08-2009, 12:30 PM   #21
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Re: I need a break.

Tummy, your DH sounds a lot like my DH. He's not a bad guy, just out of touch with what it's like to be with the baby 24/7. It always occurs to me, when I start to vent to someone else, that I should just say in a nice way exactly what I'm saying to whomever I'm upset with. I think it's perfectly reasonable for you to explain your frustration to your hubby just like you did here, and ask him to help be part of the solution. What's good for mommy is often good for baby, and vice versa. If you don't get the occasional break, it could interfere with your mood, your patience, your health. Stress could decrease your milk supply. All those things are legitimate reasons why your relaxation is for the greater good of the family.

If the daycares are full in your area, would you consider finding a responsible high schooler to come and spend some afternoons with you at home? You don't have to leave the house, but for a few bucks an hour, the student could be there to lend a helping hand and take on some of the work of entertaining baby. Later, if you really start to trust the student, you might be able to leave for a short break on your own.

Hope you feel better soon, mama!

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Old 06-08-2009, 02:17 PM   #22
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Re: I need a break.

I so know how you feel. DH works FT and is a grad student, which means even evenings and weekends he's working on research or HW or something. Add to that DD is a terrible sleeper and up 8-10 times a night and I have had about a meltdown a week since she was 2mos old. I got rear-ended on Friday (DH was home writing a paper, and since DD was napping, I got to go to the PO by myself) and ended up going to the ER on Saturday for worsening back pain. DH came home from class early to watch DD so I could go in. The triage nurse at the ER apologized for the wait and I was all, heck lady, this is my first break in ages, I'm going to make the most of it! It was probably the happiest anyone's ever been to be stuck in their ER!

Is there a local moms' Meetup group (does Meetup do anything in CAN?) Maybe you can make some friends through there and then do childcare swaps?
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Old 06-08-2009, 03:32 PM   #23
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Re: I need a break.

I do know a few moms but none that I know well enough to trade babysitting with yet. And I did talk to DH and it was hard for me to explain. He says I have to spell it out for him because he can't read my mind, but it's just frustrating for me that he doesn't think of some things without me telling him. Like don't feed DS without a bib in a brand new white shirt, hello obvious?
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Old 06-08-2009, 04:09 PM   #24
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Re: I need a break.

I do remember that age being difficult and ds being super clingy too. I agree with what everyone else said but I also think- don't just wait to get a break -get out and plan fun things to do with your ds. I know he's really little still and it will mostly be for you- but it will be so worth it and the change of scenery will help both of your moods!! I'm still learning that it's o.k. for me to take ds places alone (like the small zoo 1/2 hour away, shopping in a local city, etc) or just go for a drive or a walk in a new fun neighborhood.
Also- when talking with dh about getting breaks I realized that he was really afraid to do something wrong with ds and even though I didn't think I was super bossy to him or picky about how he cared for ds, all my little comments were making him afraid to try for fear he'd mess something up. I've since learned to let go and realize that stained clothes, a little later nap, an odd dinner etc are not worth me commenting on (unless in a super lighthearted, funny way so it doesn't come across at all as criticism) as it may scare dh away from giving me more breaks. Another thing to encourage your dh- my dh and I always talk about how bonding with your kiddos doesn't just magically happen for daddies once the kid hits a certain age that the dad thinks it's a fun time for him to be a part of- it starts as soon as they are born!! If a dad decides to leave the majority of the childcare, nurturing etc to the mom and doesn't make time for him to bond alone with his child, that child will not magically wake up at 5 yrs old bonded to daddy and excited to play with him- he will not have the memories and bond built since birth that reminds him how much fun time with daddy is. I saw this with a family that I was a nanny/ babysitter for- the dad was scared and uncomfortable to be with his kiddos when they were really little and would often be busy doing other things instead of playing with them. When they started to get older and the dad thought they were finally old enough to have fun with and really play with, the kiddos weren't comfortable with him- they wanted their mommy. It was heartbreaking. It helped dh to hear this story and to know that if he imagines playing ball with ds outside one day, he needs to not just wish for that day to come but spend time here and now doing the things that ds is capable of now. I gave him some suggestions and encouraged him to take ds on walks, to the park to swing on the baby swings, on errands to the hardware store etc. A lot of dads don't naturally think of these things- they might just feel stuck at home and not sure how to pass the time and entertain their kiddo- so give him some good ideas and see where it takes him!
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Old 06-08-2009, 09:00 PM   #25
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Re: I need a break.

Quote:
Originally Posted by tummy mommy View Post
Like don't feed DS without a bib in a brand new white shirt, hello obvious?
What is obvious to us women is almost NEVER obvious to a man.
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Old 06-08-2009, 10:33 PM   #26
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Re: I need a break.

well I got a half hour break in tonight. I fed DS, made dinner, and DH played with him while I had a bubble bath. i seriously got the bubbles 3 feet high. it. was. awesome. hahahaha

I do need to get DS out to do more, but part of the problem right now is that if I do any "firsts" like first time on the swing or first time swimming, DH whines and complains about missing out.
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Old 06-09-2009, 04:25 AM   #27
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I do need to get DS out to do more, but part of the problem right now is that if I do any "firsts" like first time on the swing or first time swimming, DH whines and complains about missing out.
DH actually did most of DD's first time as far as the park stuff, he took pictures though so that helped. She was only three months so most of the stuff he did was with her in the carseat, like the picture of her on the slide was of her in the carseat on the slide. lol But he did take a picture of her in the baby swing, that was cute especially since she wasn't really sitting up well yet.

Swimming I took DD too and didn't think about getting pictures. DH can't swim so that definitely was NOT going to happen and in fact, DH will NOT ever be allowed to take DD swimming by himself. I won't risk it. DH is horribly afraid of water and after hearing about one of his relatives last summer, I won't do it. DD's (sorry if this sounds super confusing) cousin's granddaughter, who was three, was taken to a pool by her babysitter and somehow, the little girl ended up in the deep end and drowned. So no, won't let ANYONE take DD to the pool without me. Sorry, won't risk it.
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Old 06-09-2009, 06:20 AM   #28
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Re: I need a break.

Wow, did I write this post??!!

I'm dealing with the same thing. My DS is 8 months too. Funny.
My hubby helps out A LOT though, but he has a job that keeps him away. He's currently gone for 3 weeks, so I pretty much am a single parent a lot of the time. It's awful. I have no family and no *real* friends here, so I don't get a break. EVER.

My DS is insanely clingy and it's driving me INSANE. I can't go pee without him sceaming (and he can SEE me!) He wants me to hold him and be in his face, entertaining him the whole day. And it doesn't help that his sleep has gone to crap. So my fuse is shorter than ever.

Im not a fan of this stage at all. I went to make a coffee while he was in his pile of 8 billion toys, and I come back into the room (my house is 6 square feet, so I wasnt very far!) and he's crying and has army crawled half way to the kitchen! He's constantly chasing me and pawing at me and ACK! Ya. I understand! lol.

I'm ready to bash my face off the wall.

*sigh*

Hoping this stage passes quickly.
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Old 06-09-2009, 04:08 PM   #29
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Re: I need a break.

I thought we had outgrown the clingy stage, but it keeps coming back. When he was a newborn, I couldn't put him down or he'd cry. We got over that, then he hit about 6 months and if I went out of sight, he'd cry. We got to the point where if I played peekaboo a few times or talked to him he was ok but even that's not good enough now. I had him in his bounce swing in the bathroom and he knew I was going to get in the shower so he started SCREAMING and reaching his arms up for me. poor thing breaks my heart when he does that... I took him out and calmed him down, put him in and the screaming started again, so i hugged him and distracted him with a toothbrush. not good enough. he spent the whole shower screaming.

I tell you, this kid has taken more naps today than he ever has. EVERYTHING pisses him off. don't touch my toy. scream. hit myself in the head with said toy. scream. you won't let me pull your hair. scream. etc. all day. Fine then. Have a nap for an hour. mom needs a break and you need to get in a better mood.

I'm pretty sure it's teething. He was at the doctor last week because I thought he had an ear infection, but he was just cranky.
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Old 06-09-2009, 04:37 PM   #30
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Re: I need a break.

Hugs welcome to motherhood..hope u get a break soon
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