If you're divorced/getting a divorce...

[joyous]

Originally Posted by Kmccall08 off topic but can i just say you are beautiful ( seen your pics )you stbxh is an idiot!!!

Thank you mama. It's been an emotional day and this made me cry.

[JustSomeChickVee]

I'm not divorced or divorcing. I don't consider divorce an option except in like 2 situations.

[aubreyaks]

I started reading this thread last night on my phone, and saw it in the feed again today, so coming back to comment.
I am divorced/remarried. During my first marriage, I never saw divorce as an option. It was a very abusive relationship and I stayed for 6 years. I tried counseling, prayer, read books etc. Even after I separated from my ex, it took me 6 months before I filed for divorce. No one should have to stay in an abusive relationship. No one.
Marriage #2, is divorce an option? Yes, absolutely. Divorce is always an option. I made that very clear to DH before we wed. What that means to me is that every day is a choice. Every day we choose each other. No one takes that for granted and our marriage is the most beautiful part of my life. I hope that makes sense. We have been married almost 4 years now. Divorce has never been mentioned.

[dmj]

Originally Posted by dncegrl I'm not married but i don't consider a divorce an option until all other options are exhausted or certain circumstances. I feel that once I get married, that's it. I'm not going to get divorced. Both myself and my SO are from divorced households. I had a wonderful stepdad and all I remember of my parents marriage is all the fighting and tension. They were married for over 10 yrs so I believe my parents tried very hard. My SO on the other hand had a horrible horrible step dad and his father didn't step in or anything to protect him, so he's very wary of marriage because of that. I can see us being together 50 yrs down the road but we both don't feel the need to get married so soon. He feels the same way I do, that when he gets married, he's done and will not get a divorce. So, with all that being said, I feel that our upbringing has made us both feel the way we do about divorce, and that *for us* it wont be an option when we do get married.

I don't think partnerships without marriage are a way to "protect" yourself from divorce. If you and SO split up after so much time, children together and so on it is the same as a divorce. I see so many people straight and homosexual try to beat the big D (divorce) by not getting married thereby not setting themselves up to divorce. I think it is just semantics and not really changing anything. If your SO left would your kids together feel any less hurt or would you just because it was not an official divorce?
I have been divorced, split up from a long term SO and had a broken engagement. None of them was any easier than the other. Cheaper and less paper work, yes. When children and property are involved it is going to include a lot of paper work and sometimes money. Child custody, visitation and division of property and assets are complicated.
So, my main point is to not fool yourself in to thinking that by avoiding the "piece of paper" that you are somehow protecting yourself. The only people who have that issue are widows/widower's who would lose SS benefits or military benefits if they officially remarry. Some states also don't recognize same sex unions/marriages so those couples don't have the option to marry.
Being legally married does however afford you and your children some protections under most state laws. In most states married mothers get more child support than "babies mama's". Which by the way I think is unfair and should be changed, but I have seen several articles about this.
You are also entitled to SS benefits as well as access to bank accounts, real property and estate taxes should your husband die. Being someones SO doesn't give you the same benefits. Is it right, no. That is just the way things are.

[sandhillcranes]

Not divorced or divorcing...and in a very happy marriage.

My parents were divorced when I was 10. From the perspective of the child, I wish they had done it sooner.