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Old 05-15-2016, 04:49 PM   #1
Armymom31
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When to have another?

I am 32 and have a, almost, 4 year old son. I also have 2 beautifully wonderful step daughters. I really want to have another child but i am not sure if and when we will be ready. The stress of the custody battle is agonizing, the ex-wife turns everything in to a fight and makes my SDs miserable. If we get our way, then we will have my SDs 50/50. I know they will be a tremendous help if they have another sibling because they are very loving, and my son wants a brother. But, how do i know when we are ready?
I am also still nursing my 4 year old. Plus we live in a 3 bedroom where my SDs share a room.
Please please opinions welcome, even if you tell me we will never be ready.

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Old 05-15-2016, 05:29 PM   #2
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Re: When to have another?

Honestly, considering your age, I feel like you should go for it as soon as possible if it's really something you want. There will never be a perfect time. If you are unsure, think about how you will feel if you put it off and never end up with another. If you think you'd be okay either way, then it's probably fine to wait a few years to sort things out. If you think that not having another would be something you seriously regret, then please consider trying to conceive as soon as possible. Fertility can start to drop off sharply at 35 for some women.

I'm currently 31 and pregnant with my third. I had my first at 18 and my second at 23. I knew I'd probably want another, but we kept putting it off for one reason or another. Finally we decided that we were ready, so we started TTC last year. I was just 30 and I'd previously had two "surprise" pregnancies before, so I figured I would no trouble getting pregnant. However, it would seem that my body had made some internal adjustments in the eight years that had passed since my last pregnancy. It ended up taking us 12 months of serious TTCing in order to conceive this little one. I will be 32 when our baby is born. The whole thing kinda shocked me, as I hadn't figured that a few years could have such a profound impact on my fertility. Considering the difficulty we had at this point, I'd wager that if we'd waited much longer (like past 35), then we may have had to look into assisted reproduction measures.

I'm not trying to scare you... I'm just more aware now of how much our bodies and fertility can change after 30, and I don't want anyone else to be caught off guard. I really wish we'd have tried for a 3rd sooner. Not just because it took us a year to conceive, but also because the extra time increased the age gap between our kiddos. My girls will be 13.5 and 8 when this one is born. I know they will love him/her, but I do worry about how close they will be in the future.
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Last edited by luvmybaby333; 05-15-2016 at 05:31 PM.
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Old 05-15-2016, 05:38 PM   #3
Armymom31
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Re: When to have another?

Those are all really great points and exceptionally helpful. If we got pregnant this moment, I would be 33 and my son 4. My step daughters would be 7 and 10.
I know there is no "perfect" time but with the whole ex battle, I don't want my body to be mega stressed. Although, we were in a worse place, all around, when we conceived my son. I think you are right. I think I just need someone to tell me it will be ok and that I can handle it. Thankfully my job allows me to make my own hours and only keeps me from home a few hours a week.
Big hugs to you for the support
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