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Old 06-21-2018, 02:58 PM   #21
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Re: The biggest problem with today's parenting is....

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To the ones struggling with thinking they aren't good enough, I'm pretty sure that is a great sign that you care, that you are trying, and that you are doing better than you think. Kids don't need perfect parents, just ones that show up everyday and do the best they can.
Thanks Jen.

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Old 06-21-2018, 04:42 PM   #22
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Re: The biggest problem with today's parenting is....

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For DH, a lot of it comes from thinking he owes DS1 something. DS1s bio mom was very absent and in and out of jail and on and off of drugs etc. She seems to have her life together now but there were many years she let him down. This also led to DH working all the time as a single dad and DS1 spending time with my MIL and family friends which in a round a bout way made DH a bit absent out of necessity. So DH has this mind set that he will do anything to please DS1 because he needs to make up for all his bio moms mistakes etc. He has worked on it a lot and is a completely different parent then he was the day I met him.

Like I said before, I honestly think some people fall into the friend parenting style withoit really realizing it unless someone brings it to their attention.
I do think that's very possible. I know when Rachel was little and in and out of the hospital a couple times, and sick pretty much all the time, I got to the point where I felt like I had make something up to her....I was more prone to buy her a gift, spoil her a little more, etc. I think it was my way of trying to connect and fix something I couldn't fix, to make up for what she was missing out on. I noticed myself doing it and tried to stop, but to be honest it was a lot easier once she was healthier. So I think it would be easy to fall into that trap.

I also have an aunt that was married to a real character for several years. She sort of over accommodated for his lack, and again almost tried to 'make up for' what she felt like her kids were missing, etc. Once they divorced she would even tell you that's what she did, and that she really did herself and her children a disservice. Probably hard to realize and change in the moment though.

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Thanks Jen.
You're very welcome. I know I don't 'know' you IRL but I do feel like you are probably a rockstar mom. Also--you updated your avi!!! I don't think I ever remember you having a different one before.
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Old 06-21-2018, 04:55 PM   #23
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Re: The biggest problem with today's parenting is....

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I do think that's very possible. I know when Rachel was little and in and out of the hospital a couple times, and sick pretty much all the time, I got to the point where I felt like I had make something up to her....I was more prone to buy her a gift, spoil her a little more, etc. I think it was my way of trying to connect and fix something I couldn't fix, to make up for what she was missing out on. I noticed myself doing it and tried to stop, but to be honest it was a lot easier once she was healthier. So I think it would be easy to fall into that trap.

I also have an aunt that was married to a real character for several years. She sort of over accommodated for his lack, and again almost tried to 'make up for' what she felt like her kids were missing, etc. Once they divorced she would even tell you that's what she did, and that she really did herself and her children a disservice. Probably hard to realize and change in the moment though.



You're very welcome. I know I don't 'know' you IRL but I do feel like you are probably a rockstar mom. Also--you updated your avi!!! I don't think I ever remember you having a different one before.
I am willing to bet that most of us feel like failures one day or another (and another and another) and Im also willing to bet that we are all rockstars whether we realize it or not.

The fact that any of us can talk about this subject and talk about our faults and acknowledging that we want to work on them is a win in itself. We are awesome just for wanting to stay on top of always making ourselves better moms and wives, people in general.

Maybe thats the answer to your question Jen, complacency. We as humans sometimes fall victim to being too comfortable and not challenging ourselves to be better. I believe that applies to all aspects of life not just parenting.
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Old 06-21-2018, 06:07 PM   #24
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Re: The biggest problem with today's parenting is....

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You're very welcome. I know I don't 'know' you IRL but I do feel like you are probably a rockstar mom. Also--you updated your avi!!! I don't think I ever remember you having a different one before.
Ack, I don't feel at all like a rockstar mom. I just muddle. And pray. And keep trying. I feel like if I keep doing those things long enough, it'll all work out. So far my kids are turning out okay in spite of me and maybe a little because of me too, at least I hope!

Yep, figured it was time to update with a pic of the current baby! My other avi was 3 years old....
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Old 06-21-2018, 08:02 PM   #25
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Re: The biggest problem with today's parenting is....

Every generation has their problems with child rearing and there are always also "experts."

I liked that at La Leche League meetings we used to say "take what you need but leave the rest." I thought it was a good reminder that not every piece of advice or solution will work for every person.

I walked by the skate park today and the teens were smoking so much weed. One of the teens stopped smoking outside and got back into his car to smoke as we passed by.

I wondered what part of him told him it might be the right thing to get out of eyesight of my kids when we passed. It made me wonder about his parents. They instilled something but what happened?

Those that are wondering...it's legal here now. Nothing can be done.
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Old 06-21-2018, 08:28 PM   #26
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Re: The biggest problem with today's parenting is....

Legal for teenagers even?!
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Old 06-22-2018, 04:56 AM   #27
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Re: The biggest problem with today's parenting is....

[QUOTE=MamaLlama;17794901]Legal for teenagers even?!]

It's supposed to be 21. I don't really see that enforced.
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Old 06-22-2018, 12:10 PM   #28
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Re: The biggest problem with today's parenting is....

Ugh, that would make me crazy. I'm sorry.
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Old 06-22-2018, 04:38 PM   #29
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Re: The biggest problem with today's parenting is....

It's annoying and so prevalent here. It's the new cigarette smoking.
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Old 06-30-2018, 01:32 PM   #30
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Re: The biggest problem with today's parenting is....

What I see is a lot of babying older kids. I've had to put my foot down with ds hanging out with one of his friends who is 11 (my kid is 10) because I don't want him thinking that this behavior is ok or for him to start bullying the kid. He cries about everything. I asked him to put the pizza in the oven for me and he cried literal tears because he shouldn't have to get near something hot. I was at an amusement park with him and his mom, and he started crying and stomping after getting off the bumper cars because someone pushed his car- his mom just kept telling him it was ok, they'd try again, etc. He's 11, not 3. If my kid acted like that he'd be banned from going to any activities in public until he could get it together. He's not special needs either, we've known this kid his whole life.

He's got a 12 year old friend that isn't allowed to even make himself a sandwich. Maybe I'm just the odd one, because at this age I expect ds to be fully capable of fixing himself cold foods and able to cook a few things, he mows the lawn, does dishes, puts his laundry away....
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