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Old 07-18-2014, 10:09 PM   #1
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least helpful comments said to parents

I overheard this one today. A mother of 2 children 2 yrs and under was obviously struggling. A woman laughed and told her she got through that age and this woman would as well. So not helpful to the obviously overwhelmed mother. A bit of sympathy would have been a bit better even if it isn't terribly helpful.

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Old 07-18-2014, 10:31 PM   #2
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I was at Walmart in the check out line and there was a grandmother and her daughter and the grandkids in line ahead of me. Something was wrong with the register and it was taking forever so we talking. The kids were clearly DONE with the trip and were taking turns melting down, throwing things from the cart,hungry,tired,ect. The mom picked up the younger child and he got mad and head butted her in the face. It made her nose bleed and was really awful. But the grandmother just laughed and said "gee Tracy ,and you still want to have MORE kids".I felt terrible she was exhausted, bleeding and embarrassed and then her own mother said that to her. I told it was ok and it does get better but to this day I remember how discouraged she was and how her mom kicked her while she was down. I promised myself I would never do that to my kids.
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Old 07-18-2014, 10:31 PM   #3
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I hear ya.
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Old 07-18-2014, 11:13 PM   #4
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I hate when Im at my wits end and instead of HELPING ME my mom sits there and scolds me for snapping at my kids. Cuz that improves things.

Or a friend eho has a special needs child with serious slerp issues (also a 9 month old, and 2 older kids at home as well as 2 moved out) who was exhausted and posted something on FB only to have someone respond "Have another baby, that'll help".
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Old 07-19-2014, 01:47 PM   #5
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Re: least helpful comments said to parents

20+ years ago, when I lived in Chicago, I was taking the "L" train home with a colleague who worked in the psychiatric unit as a orderly (his name was Tony) after a long shift. It was about midnight.

A woman brought a child with her on the train; he was like 5, and acting out/melting down, and she was responding poorly -- screeching at him ineffectively and really abusive in her tone, even swatting at him. I was in my early 20's and all kinds of judgmental, staring with "why have you dragged this kid on the train at midnight" was running through my brain (but fortunately not out of my mouth). My colleague, however, didn't miss a beat. He went over, sat next to her, talked to her gently, with encouragement, telling her she could do this, and it was going to be OK. He treated her very kindly, and she was able to turn that kindness to her child, under the stares of several disapproving strangers.

Lesson I will never forget. He did far more than rude comments or disapproving stares ever could.
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Old 07-19-2014, 02:22 PM   #6
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Re: least helpful comments said to parents

Oh, that is so sweet! I've had people give me the evil eye, when my son would have a reaction (we didn't know he had a 4 hour delayed reaction to dairy) and would start crying and screaming out of no where. His joints and kidneys were in extreme pain, and I'm sure others thought he was just being a brat. I try to remind myself, I don't know the full story of others situations and not judge now. That was so kind of your colleague.
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Old 07-19-2014, 10:33 PM   #7
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Re: least helpful comments said to parents

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarai* View Post
20+ years ago, when I lived in Chicago, I was taking the "L" train home with a colleague who worked in the psychiatric unit as a orderly (his name was Tony) after a long shift. It was about midnight.

A woman brought a child with her on the train; he was like 5, and acting out/melting down, and she was responding poorly -- screeching at him ineffectively and really abusive in her tone, even swatting at him. I was in my early 20's and all kinds of judgmental, staring with "why have you dragged this kid on the train at midnight" was running through my brain (but fortunately not out of my mouth). My colleague, however, didn't miss a beat. He went over, sat next to her, talked to her gently, with encouragement, telling her she could do this, and it was going to be OK. He treated her very kindly, and she was able to turn that kindness to her child, under the stares of several disapproving strangers.

Lesson I will never forget. He did far more than rude comments or disapproving stares ever could.
What a lovely story!
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Old 07-20-2014, 09:19 PM   #8
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Re: least helpful comments said to parents

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarai* View Post
20+ years ago, when I lived in Chicago, I was taking the "L" train home with a colleague who worked in the psychiatric unit as a orderly (his name was Tony) after a long shift. It was about midnight.

A woman brought a child with her on the train; he was like 5, and acting out/melting down, and she was responding poorly -- screeching at him ineffectively and really abusive in her tone, even swatting at him. I was in my early 20's and all kinds of judgmental, staring with "why have you dragged this kid on the train at midnight" was running through my brain (but fortunately not out of my mouth). My colleague, however, didn't miss a beat. He went over, sat next to her, talked to her gently, with encouragement, telling her she could do this, and it was going to be OK. He treated her very kindly, and she was able to turn that kindness to her child, under the stares of several disapproving strangers.

Lesson I will never forget. He did far more than rude comments or disapproving stares ever could.
That was very kind and thoughtful of him. Did he have children himself or have younger siblings he had helped care for?
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Old 07-20-2014, 09:53 PM   #9
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Re: least helpful comments said to parents

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That was very kind and thoughtful of him. Did he have children himself or have younger siblings he had helped care for?
I don't know if he had sibs, but he was single at the time. He was a kind and gentle soul, but also he also was quite used to de-esculating emotionally charged incidents due to his job on the psych unit. I never saw him in action at work (I worked in the ED, and would take patients to his unit sometimes, and we took the train home together frequently) but it was clear from watching him he was very, very good at his job. He wasn't only kind, he was skillful, the way he did it. He was also an exceptionally humble person, and managed not to come across as patronizing. It was one of those life moments that will be forever frozen in time for me.
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Old 07-20-2014, 10:09 PM   #10
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Re: least helpful comments said to parents

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarai* View Post
I don't know if he had sibs, but he was single at the time. He was a kind and gentle soul, but also he also was quite used to de-esculating emotionally charged incidents due to his job on the psych unit. I never saw him in action at work (I worked in the ED, and would take patients to his unit sometimes, and we took the train home together frequently) but it was clear from watching him he was very, very good at his job. He wasn't only kind, he was skillful, the way he did it. He was also an exceptionally humble person, and managed not to come across as patronizing. It was one of those life moments that will be forever frozen in time for me.
If he ever had kids I bet he made a wonderful father.
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