How do you connect with teenagers?

[blackberry75]

I'm really feeling pulled in all directions. I have 4 kids total (step and bio). While the stepsons don't live with us, we see them almost every weekday (they are usually here until dinner at least) and they sleep here on the weekends/school breaks. I feel like, between work, the house, and the baby; my boys aren't getting their fair share of attention/my time. The younger two do, simply because they are younger and require more hands on parenting. That doesn't mean I want the boys to feel like the little ones are more important just because they're my bio kids-does that make sense.

Things where easier when they where little. I could play Yugi Oh or whatever card game they where into at the moment with them or trips to the park or basketball court. Now that they're teenagers, I'm at a loss. They don't want to be seen w/ "mom", because it's impossible for parents to not embarass them at this age.

I recently found a way to connect with the oldest. He's very into music of all kinds, and we'll sit and watch Youtube videos of music together or I'll introduce him to new artists or vice versa. However, he will only do that with me for a short bit before he wants to go hang out with his buddies or *gasp* girlfriend. The younger stepson and I have very little in common, though he used to be my little buddy. He's just into stuff I don't enjoy, mostly video games. I've tried playing them with him, but he gets to frustrated trying to explain how they work to me.

So how do you connect with your teens?

[hanhtam]

I got you say you are a wonderful mom. I only talk to my teenage kids but I don't play with them anymore.

[TinaDeanette]

It gets harder as they get older. My oldest (14) is into music and watching crazy YOUTUBE vids so we do that together. He's not much of a talker. I think you're doing wonderful! As for the younger one, hmmm... How about watching him play and asking questions?

[vatblack]

My situation might be slightly different and easier than yours, so take this for what it is. My stepkids are here at the weekends. They do not have a community here so I have a "captive" audience really.

We play Monopoly and Monopoly Deal (the card game version) together. We do movie nights and so on - they like watching movies with us as it is what they did with their dad all the time before I was around too. My husband and I try to do at least one family thing with them each weekend.

However, they do not have friends here and if they can have their way, they'd probably not come every weekend so that they can be with their friends.

[vatblack]

Something else just occurred to me. I have a friend with 2 teens (and a young kindergartener). They do triathelons together. All of them, mom, dad, 3 kids. They do not spend hours and hours training together. The mom trains on her time, dad on his, kids on theirs (they are in the schools swim team too so training is partly out of their own hands). Then they compete together during the tri-season. They might do some training together at the weekends.

Is there a sport that you are all into that you can do together?

[blackberry75]

I wish they where into sports; I'm not so good at anything but I'd be more than happy to try. They're more into computer stuff, video games and stuff I can't keep up with any more. I'm gonna ask them, again, what kind of family stuff they like doing. Hopeully I'll get more than the teenage "I dunno"

[bluedaisyma]

I take interest in their interests.

My 19 yr old is into all things superhero, so I will ask him about a new movie or to explain someone's super powers to me. We also both really like to read, though, and have some authors in common we like. He also will go on and on about random trivia and I really make an effort to learn.

My 18 yr old is into sketching and tattoos, so we talk about diff designs he likes or wants and I also look at his sketches, etc.

My 16 yr old and I have similar humor tastes and we can talk about anything.

My 14 yr old is into sports big time, so I make an effort to watch games with him on tv.

A few of them are into video games so ill sit and watch or w/e. we used to go on hikes a lot but now we don't have the time usually. I also make them go to target or grocery with me when we have time (they are at their dads 50% of the time) and we have great convos in the car to school and so forth. They don't talk to their stepmom tho I don't think.

[vatblack]

Bluedaisyma - good point. Some of the best talks we have with my stepkids is when we pick them up and drop them off at their mom's house. It is a 40 min drive each way, so we have them "trapped" for 40 min twice a week. We don't allow games in the car, only books. Often we ask about school or books or we talk about what is happening in the news.