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Old 10-15-2011, 06:13 AM   #101
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Re: Can someone PLEASE take my DSD

I just want to point out that it is difficult with your biological children at times and at times it is 100x harder with stepchildren who resent you for whatever reason. My DSD resents me because her mother has never been there for her and she feels as though somehow I took her place and didn't let her have a relationship with her. This has caused her to do spiteful things to me, like tell her mother I called her the B word - I did not. Tell her mother her father hits me and knocks me out. He does not. You have to realize that everything is not simple. But also as a word of advice OP, you HAVE to make the effort to have a decent relationship with her. I totally understand it's hard at times, especially with a teenager. We just got done being investigated by CPS for false reports by DSD for the SECOND time. There are feelings I have at times like "UGHHHHH WHY is she doing this to us AGAIN and jeopardizing my kids???" But really, she is hurt because of that lack of bio mother-daughter relationship. I don't know if she will ever just get over it. I have been there since before she can remember. She was 3 when DH and I got together and 4 when I had her little brother. It's a lot more difficult than you could probably even imagine for her. If her bio-mom died, I'm sure she would be devastated and she never sees her! So if your DSD mom died and she was with her all the time, I just can't even imagine how she feels. Please take her to the doc to check about depression. It is absolutely essential if you expect things to get better. Make her take walks with you and your daughter. "It might suck the first few times, but you are building a relationship and possible helping with her weight issue. and good luck.

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Old 10-15-2011, 08:42 AM   #102
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Google "lice removal service" for your area. My daughter has waist-length curly hair, and when she picked up lice, we tried everything at home, and it was just impossible. The lice removal people took care of it in a couple of hours, perfectly. It wasn't cheap, but if you have a flexible health care savings account, that might cover it.
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Old 10-15-2011, 10:43 AM   #103
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Re: Can someone PLEASE take my DSD

It is very hard to try to build an attachment with her. she very openly wants me gone and blames me for her parents not being together.
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Old 10-15-2011, 12:10 PM   #104
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Re: Can someone PLEASE take my DSD

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It is very hard to try to build an attachment with her. she very openly wants me gone and blames me for her parents not being together.
You are an adult. Shes not.
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Old 10-15-2011, 12:37 PM   #105
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Re: Can someone PLEASE take my DSD

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You are an adult. Shes not.
I know that but it doesnt make it any easier or her words any less hurtful. She openly admits that she does everything she can to make DHs family hate me and to make me leave. It really hurts .
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Old 10-15-2011, 12:54 PM   #106
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Re: Can someone PLEASE take my DSD

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And I'm pretty sure that taking anything out of SS is against the rules of even opting in.
Sorry to butt my nose in, but what is SS?
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Old 10-15-2011, 01:00 PM   #107
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Re: Can someone PLEASE take my DSD

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Sorry to butt my nose in, but what is SS?
Sensitive Subjects, it's an opt-in sub-forum here.
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Old 10-15-2011, 01:18 PM   #108
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Re: Can someone PLEASE take my DSD

She is a hurt teenage girl who doesn't know how to handle all of her emotions and probably feels alone. She doesn't think things through nor does she fully grasp the gravity of her actions. You are an adult. You are entitled to feel hurt, too. BUT you are more capable of handling your emotions than she is. Perhaps you should consider talking to your DH about maybe sending her to live with an aunt or someone who will give her the love, patience and understanding she deserves and needs so bad right now.

If she is so miserable in school that she would rather be infested with lice and be treated so poorly than go back, perhaps she really needs help? I know when I was in school, bigger girls were not usually treated the best. I was an outcast and there were many days I felt isolated or just tormented. I still preferred school over home. But to think that this is how she gets treated at home and she still prefers it over school....it must be bad there.
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Old 10-15-2011, 02:52 PM   #109
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Re: Can someone PLEASE take my DSD

I agree. dh and i have talked about asking one of his sisters to keep her for a while but they both already have a lot on their plates. She says she enjoys school and nooone makes fun of her. My boss suggested calling the school again Monday and begging them for help. Her therapist says we are doing everything right and she diagnosed DSD with bipolar and borderline personality disorder but since she refuses to take meds what else do we do? FWiw my sister was dsd. i dont understand what its like to be dsd but i totally get whats it like to be her sibling. I just wanted my mom and stepdad to DO something but it took years. They got her her own place when she was expelled and they paid for it all and we really cant do that for dsd.
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Old 10-15-2011, 03:35 PM   #110
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Re: Can someone PLEASE take my DSD

It stinks that no one else can step in. Sometimes it just takes a change of pace and a different approach that a new adult can bring in. My mom was that aunt, lol. I lived with my dad but every time I went to visit there was usually a cousin staying for a while. Always a girl. You pass out drunk/drugged out on the beach? To my mom's you went. Anger issues? My mom's house. Rebellion beyond control? My mom.

She was also different with me than them. She is in the military and took that approach with them. I was her baby girl, though. Maybe that is why your DH is having a hard time stepping up? That is his daughter. He can act all tough love unless it is to her face.
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