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Old 04-15-2010, 07:45 PM   #1
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Unhappy No other place to post this.....

So I have no idea where to post this, but I need to talk to someone and get some positive people on my side. I can only act so happy for so long and I can only deal with so much by myself as well. So whatever anyone can do or say, it will be much appreciated and hopefully "healing" to me.

I've been having about 2 years worth of bad luck straight as well with even stupid things. Nothing seems to go right anymore no matter what I do, how many good things I do for others, how well I treat those who shouldn't be treated well....I just can't win no matter what I seem to try.

Now my DH and I have been having a horrible time getting along for about the last 5 or 6 months. We constantly fight, butt heads, etc. Too much to really explain fully.....basically it's going all wrong right now. I feel like I'm not good enough for him, nothing that I can do will ever be good enough. I don't know what to do. He's changed so much since we've been married as have I. Neither of us are perfect, but it's so hard for me to try when he doesn't seem to be making any effort at all.

Now on to the part that really hurt and the main reason why I'm finally talking about all of this. Today we were talking when he came home and about everything and things blew up yet again. I told him that I don't know how much longer I can handle having the puppy with the stress of work, the house and being pregnant (there's a lot that goes into all of this that I'm just not going to take the time or your time to get into). Then he out of no where said well we can change you being pregnant. I don't think I want another one right now anyway. I told him absolutely not. There is no way that I would ever do that in my life. I told him that I'd leave him if he ever tried to make me do that because I just won't even think about it. I probably shouldn't have said that, but it's what was said and it was too late to take it back.

So then the argument went to "so you're going to divorce me now?" and me saying no, but I would if you tried to force me into it because I never will. And you can just kind of imagine what went on from there. I just can't believe that he made that suggestion to me. I told him the first time I got pregnant that it would never be an option. And this time we actually PLANNED this pregnancy and then he has the audacity to say that 3 months later?!

I just really needed to get this off of my chest and get any support and strength that I can. I don't want to leave him; I want to have a happy marriage and family, I just don't know how anymore. I haven't been happy in what seems forever. My DH can be so inconsiderate; he never thinks about what he says before he says it or how he says something for that matter. Just please give me the strength to keep going and to pull myself out of this "muck". Allow me to turn my world right-side up again and to see the sunnier side of life.
Kendall...mommy to Z (2-20-08) , R (10-14-10) and loving wifey to C
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Old 04-15-2010, 07:57 PM   #2
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Re: No other place to post this.....

I'm so sorry. I will be keeping you in my prayers. And hoping everything works out for you
Mom to two boys.
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Old 04-15-2010, 09:34 PM   #3
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Re: No other place to post this.....

I am sorry that you have to go through all this.

It sounds like your DH was mad and trying to hurt you with his words - he probably didn't mean it. I know that I have said things to hurt my DH in the heat of an argument that I don't mean. Can you talk to him about it now that you have both cooled down?

Wife to J, mommy to Jake 'n' Bake 02/09, Samwich and our angel in heaven 03/08
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Old 04-15-2010, 10:30 PM   #4
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Re: No other place to post this.....

I'm so sorry that he said something so hurtful I'm sending prayers your way.
DS (10) DD1 (7) DD2 (03/15)

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Old 04-16-2010, 11:11 AM   #5
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Re: No other place to post this.....

Sounds like he is very angry. You mentioned that you haven't been getting along at all for the last 6 months yet you are 3 months pg with a planned baby. Are you sure he was on board to begin with? This DOES NOT in ANY way give him the right to suggest what he did, but could that be the source of his anger?
Mommy to Gavin(11/09/07) 7 weeks premature (HELLP Syndrome) and Rosalie(9/29/09)
I used to go to sleep but now I go to nursing school...

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Old 04-16-2010, 11:26 AM   #6
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Re: No other place to post this.....

I think you should sit down and write him a letter, at the end ask him to write down what he feels/wants/needs and give it back to you. This way there is no way arguing can start up and you both will be calmand able to get everyhting out on the table to work things out.
When me and dh were newly married we used to fight a lot, it was like after we said I do, everything changed for us and we fought so much on a daily basis. I decided to start writing things down and talk to him through letters, it helped us so much, and we didn't need to continue the letters for very long. It helped us be able to talk to eachother calmly, and things got better. We have been together 12 years now and coming up on 11 years being married. We get along very good, the beginning was shakey and I didn't expect us to make us through, but it helped us to be able to write things down and work things out that way in the beginning. now if we have a spat, we can just talk it ouot, you learn so much about yourself and your spouse as the years go by and things imo get better and easier.
I hope you and your dh are able to find a way to make things work too mama.
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Old 04-16-2010, 11:44 AM   #7
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Re: No other place to post this.....

So sorry that you are having such a rough time, mama!
Things are going to get better, especially if you can do this:
Focus on what you want, not on what you don't want.
All of your own self talk needs to make a switch before anything else will change. Instead of saying "I don't want him to treat me poorly or He is treating me disrespectfully", say to yourself "I deserve respect, I want a happy family." It may sound like a big ol' crock of BS, but the power of your own will can change things. When DH hears you notice, and acknowledge the good things he does (and I know that is hard to be the bigger person when you're preggo) he will appreciate it, and the positive energy will rub off on him.
This can carry onto how you parent your LO, too. Instead of saying to your LO "Don't eat those cookies", say "You can have X,Y or Z" When we make a request in the form of a negative, that negativity transfers onto the other person, even subconsciously. Here's an example:
My nephews are allowed VERY little sugar. Guess what the oldest one wants the most in his life? Sugar. His mom always says "no, no, no sugar". He wants sugar more than anything! He is a FIEND for it now! If he were allowed a little in moderation each day or even every third day, it wouldn't be taboo. But since he is restricted to having it on very rare occasions he desires it that much more.
Remember to be easy on yourself and when you catch yourself thinking negatively, turn it into a positive. Life will get better!

Last edited by Winter; 04-16-2010 at 11:49 AM.
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Old 04-16-2010, 11:35 AM   #8
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Re: No other place to post this.....

so sorry that you are going through this mama! i hope everything works out for you and DH. my DH and i went through a similar situation while i was pregnant with DS, now 14 months. come to find out he was stressing about job and money, and that was the root of his anger and frustration. maybe it's the same for your hubby? also, you mentioned that you don't feel adequate for your DH, maybe he feels the same. before getting married i had no idea that men's egos are just as fragile as women's. i hope this helps. again, i'm sorry you are having to go through this.
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Old 04-16-2010, 11:49 AM   #9
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Re: No other place to post this.....

I just wanted to let you know. I really wanna punch him for sying that to you. even if it was just something he said out of anger ( which it probably was)
I'm so sorry you are going throught this. If you need some one to talk to who has been there Pm me and I can give you my # if you'd like.
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Old 04-16-2010, 12:06 PM   #10
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Re: No other place to post this.....

oh mama! i'm so sorry that you are hurting! you and your family are in my prayers...

i believe that the Lord gives us what He knows we can handle... perhaps it is all in a plan to make us stronger!!
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