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Old 07-18-2012, 01:24 AM   #11
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Re: This is my first and only ultrasound :) one or two in there?

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Originally Posted by My_Tree_Grows View Post
If you don't have another scan, then will you be focused on the potential for twins for the next 30ish weeks?
For a few days (2-3) it looks like things are back to normal and I'm behaving more and more like my previous pregnancies. You know, giddy, happy and silly. KNOWING what the gender is one moment and totally in the dark about it the next (nothing serious). Feeling like there HAS to be more than one in there one moment and absolutely sure there is only one baby the next. Nothing serious just me talking and talking and talking about this pregnancy. Which I take as a good sign as I hadn't acknowledged I was pregnant until I came back to DS and started chatting with you all.
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If you are having twins, would you be better prepared with a support system and breastfeeding plan and any gear you feel you need and a birth plan if you knew in advance?
Not really, with my other two pregnancies we never found out if there was one or two but then again the midwife didn't tell me there *MIGHT* be. I have a very active imagination I read books like my life depended on it. We also didn't find out the gender just so we could limit the u/s exposure as well for another messed up reason I'll get in to later. I tandem nurse for a while and a few times at the same time so I have a little insight on the logistics of breastfeeding at least in theory. I also CD both kids at the same time so in theory I think I can grasp it. By the time of my due date my son will be 4 years old and some change and my daughter will be 2 years old and some change. Because of the abuse I endured as a child I don't let my children out of my sight so one or two wont necessarily change my support system as I usually use them for emotional support not physical hands on support. Only person that can walk away with my kids would be my husband and he feels the same way.

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If you give birth to a singleton after a pregnancy of doubt/hope, then will you end up disappointed?
That's a possibility but at the moment I don't think so. You know what did throw me for a loop though? my DD birth in 2010. With my pregnancy in 2008 I specifically chose NOT to know the gender because I didn't want to find out at week 20 that I was having a girl and have a pity party for the rest of the pregnancy possibly harming the baby. I had a few dreams that I was having a son and even saw his name above a white crib before he was born (we co-seep now). Once my son was born it dawned on me that its not only girls who get abused and need protection, little boys need just as much protection too! That sorta took the edge of having girls a little.

Now in 2010 I again chose not to find out the gender (not so much because of the 'what if its a girl?') but just wasn't necessary, I did just fine without knowing etc. I had NO dreams about what gender I was having and overall was in the dark about the gender. Interestingly I checked out A LOT of books from the library dealing with raising girls in this 'queen bee' environment and issues regarding girls. I don't know WHY but it was a topic that all of a sudden interested me. When my daughter was born my immediate thoughts were 'oh no, she's a girl, this world is so hard for girls, they get raped and abused, I can't believe I brought such an innocent baby in to this cesspool of a world' etc. PPD hit me like a ton of bricks and a bunch of abuse memories flooded me. This was something I did not anticipate I didn't realize that her gender would really affect me this way so I'm assuming if she had been my first born it would have been much harder since it took me having a boy to realize, its CHILDREN who need protection, not just one gender over the other.

I think I've resolved this at the moment as I did go to therapy and grief counseling and I adore my daughter and wouldn't change her or her gender and I don't have any negative feelings to birthing more girls. Having said that I wont really know for sure until this baby is born and we know the gender since it'll *hopefully* be my 1st live birth after my daughter's birth. I do wonder if having another girl will throw me for a loop again but I loved the experience of raising my DD and she is such a loving child that I doubt I will get pessimistic about having girls all of a sudden. My abuse was extensive and never professional dealt with for 20+ years. This time around I did get professional help to deal with it so I think I coped with it better than I did as a 7 year old all by myself.

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I rarely say a mama may want to consider medical intervention to resolve a non-medical issue, but would hate to see the valid emotional side of this equation snowball into its own avoidable medical issue, KWIM?
I know what you mean which is why I sat down and answered the questions not just to answer them but as an exercise in to my mind. I'm totally cool with having one or more, girl or boy. I'm ok with the possibility of one girl or even TWO girls. Losing it would be a bigger disappointment and I'm not sure I can handle that

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Last edited by Umm_Ibraheem; 07-18-2012 at 01:27 AM.
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Old 07-18-2012, 05:23 AM   #12
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Re: This is my first and only ultrasound :) one or two in there?

oh maria giant hugs!!!
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Old 07-19-2012, 12:56 AM   #13
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Maria, you are such a brave woman! I like how "open" you are. It makes me feel like I can too.

I hope you have a happy healthy nine months. :-) Take good care of yourself no matter what!

Sent from my Inspire. Hope everything makes sense!
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Old 07-19-2012, 12:42 PM   #14
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Re: This is my first and only ultrasound :) one or two in there?

Positive tears for you, Maria. So glad to hear that's where you are emotionally now. Glad to share this journey with you!
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