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Old 02-27-2008, 10:05 AM   #151
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Re: i just want to ask...why only when its medical?

but lets say its not medical should people feel guilty for making the choices they make? Thats why its a choice and as one mother yesterday said as long as the baby is getting fed great. bfeeding is hard work it takes alot out of you and maybe some mommies dont want to do it. It doesnt make them bad. Bfeeding has lots of benifits but we need to support all mommies. And babies

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Old 02-27-2008, 10:09 AM   #152
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Re: i just want to ask...why only when its medical?

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but lets say its not medical should people feel guilty for making the choices they make? Thats why its a choice and as one mother yesterday said as long as the baby is getting fed great. bfeeding is hard work it takes alot out of you and maybe some mommies dont want to do it. It doesnt make them bad. Bfeeding has lots of benifits but we need to support all mommies. And babies
no one said it makes them a bad mommy. That's just a conclusion people seem to come up with when someone says you should at least try it.
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Old 02-27-2008, 11:28 AM   #153
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Re: i just want to ask...why only when its medical?

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no one said it makes them a bad mommy. That's just a conclusion people seem to come up with when someone says you should at least try it.
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Old 02-27-2008, 11:40 AM   #154
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Re: i just want to ask...why only when its medical?

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i nfact, every clinician who read that study and left a response on BMJ concludes that the research methods were shoddy and the peer review slipshod

so I'm dismissing that study and feel i'm in good company

Okay, I'll admit it. I overstated the studies I referred to. But even so, the previous studies had their issues as well. I don't think we can cling to ANY of the studies out there quite yet. The earlier studies didn't have enough participants, and the later studies weren't specific enough. Plus, I'll say it again for the millionth time, there has never been proof of causation, only correlation. There's a great example of problems with causation vs. correlation that is used in college psych courses. Did you know that the murder rate goes up in the summer? And so does the rate of consumption of ice cream. Therefore, does the consumption of ice cream cause people to murder one another since increased ice cream consumption is occuring at the same time as increased murder? Obviously not. And yes, I'm totally making light of the situation here, but it still gets my point across.

And I know a pp (jokingly, I'm sure) tried to sum up my posts as saying bf was a sin, but honestly, I DO think bf is better for the baby, ideally. But I don't think ff is this terrible, horrible thing many women on here make it out to be. If I could have bf my son longer, you'd better believe I would have. But even before he was born, when I was adamant that I'd be breastfeeding for at least a year, I thought the studies about obesity and intellect were flawed and they had absolutely NO impact on my desire to bf my son. I think it's kinda wrong to pursuade people to bf for those reasons, especially when they aren't proven. If you want to try to convince someone to at least TRY breastfeeding (I totally don't agree with trying to convince someone to continue if it's not working for them for WHATEVER reason), use the argument that it's free, it's specially formulated for your baby (in most cases--obviously this wasn't exactly true for OP), it can create a nice bond with your baby (although I bond just as well, if not better now that I can actually see my baby's face while he's eating--I'm not well-endowed, so when he bf, I couldn't see his cute little face), it's convenient (again, for some), etc. But saying it will increase your kid's IQ or lessen their chance of obesity is playing off people's fears, which is the wrong way to go about getting more women to breastfeed, and it's irritating to those of us who CAN'T bf because it sends the message that we are not doing all we should be to make our child the "best" (whatever that is) they could be. That we're purposefully withholding the chance for our child to be thinner and smarter than they otherwise would have been. Even if it's not saying that not breasfeeding makes your kids dumb and fat, it's saying that they can't be AS smart or thin as someone who's mom was fortunate enough to be able to bf.

I'm totally jealous that I can't bf, it's not that I think ff is superior.
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Old 02-27-2008, 11:42 AM   #155
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Re: i just want to ask...why only when its medical?

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no one said it makes them a bad mommy. That's just a conclusion people seem to come up with when someone says you should at least try it.
Well, then what are you (general you, not you specifically) saying to women who chose not to breastfeed from the start, and never try? Are THEY bad mommies?

I agree that women should try, but I'm not going to judge a woman to makes the decision not to try. I'm not wearing her shoes.
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Old 02-27-2008, 11:51 AM   #156
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Re: i just want to ask...why only when its medical?

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Well, then what are you (general you, not you specifically) saying to women who chose not to breastfeed from the start, and never try? Are THEY bad mommies?

I agree that women should try, but I'm not going to judge a woman to makes the decision not to try. I'm not wearing her shoes.
Still not judging. My opinion stands. I think people should at least try to breastfeed. If they don't, they don't.

Why do you assume that I'm judging someone because I think people should try to breastfeed? Why do you assume that I think they're bad if they don't?
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Old 02-27-2008, 12:15 PM   #157
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Re: i just want to ask...why only when its medical?

Also, I bet if you started a poll and asked how many BFing moms thought someone else was a bad mom solely because they didn't BF, you'd be surprised at how many DON'T think that. It's a stupid assumption that just because you're pro-BF or wish that more people did it that you start judging people and thinking they're a bad mom.

I only know 2 other people in my rather large family that breastfed babies. Both did so well beyond 18 months. But for the rest of the family (69 total just from my maternal grandmother) they all used formula for their kids/ were fed formula as a baby, and I think they're awesome.
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Old 02-27-2008, 12:36 PM   #158
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Re: i just want to ask...why only when its medical?

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Still not judging. My opinion stands. I think people should at least try to breastfeed. If they don't, they don't.

Why do you assume that I'm judging someone because I think people should try to breastfeed? Why do you assume that I think they're bad if they don't?
Okay mama, reread my post. I was very careful to be absolutely clear that I wasn't talking about YOU in particular.

You said,

"no one said it makes them a bad mommy. That's just a conclusion people seem to come up with when someone says you should at least try it."

I wasn't trying to pick a fight or anything, I'm genuinely curious as to what people would think about a momma who flat out chose to ff and didn't even try to bf. The discussion on this thread so far has revolved around women who HAVE tried, and the general consensus has been that they are not bad mommies. So my question to everyone, not just you, was what about mommies who won't try?

I'm not arguing with you that women should at least try to bf. If you'd read my post you'd have realized that I actually agree with you.
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Old 02-27-2008, 12:41 PM   #159
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Re: i just want to ask...why only when its medical?

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I feel you there! I used to think ADD was total bull***t. Then I started realizing how well it describes me, but I was pregnant at the time so there wasn't anything to do about it. Now I've gotten an evaluation which confirmed it, and I've become pretty convinced. But since I've never tried any medication I don't know how much it would help me, so it wasn't worth giving up BF for.

Now that DD is approaching the 1 year mark though, I really do think I want to try some medication, so I'll be weaning her sooner rather than later. (After her birthday, and as gently as possible!) It's just such a fine line to dance around, how much she needs to breastfeed versus how much both of my children need a mother who has her head on straight. Nobody can tell someone else what's right for her and her family.

I just have to jump in here and say something, since I've seen it mentioned a few times...

there are MANY medications the docs tell you can't be taken while nursing and that is not true. There is almost no medication that can't be taken ( save for a few that I will not list here) The docs cover their butt because the pharma companies cover theirs in the product insert saying "not indicated in nursing women" "not tested in nursing mothers'' etc because the pharma companies don't test... but there are studies done (by universities and such) and many meds are a-okay. THere are doctors out there who want happy/healthy mamas that are breastfeeding and giving their baby the best there is

One great place to find info is here. You enter your med and it will tell you all you need to know about it's safety, it's standing with the AAP and more

Carry on




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...what people would think about a momma who flat out chose to ff and didn't even try to bf. ...
can I answer this or was is rhetorical ?

If I hear a mom say she didn't even bother trying to nurse I am first interested in why. Then if she says it seemed too much work or something similar I wonder why she had a child? Having children is a lot of work - and frankly. I get more breaks because I nurse than if I didn't.
FF is a lot more work than nursing.
AND IME I have found women that don't even try often times spend less time with their children. But that is just in my experience.

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Old 02-27-2008, 12:47 PM   #160
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Re: i just want to ask...why only when its medical?

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... It's a stupid assumption that just because you're pro-BF or wish that more people did it that you start judging people and thinking they're a bad mom. ...

There's really no need for this, is there? I agree that most b****** moms don't think that f****** moms are bad moms for not b******. The point that I've been trying to make is that it is extremely difficult for f****** women who HAVE tried b****** and couldn't continue, for whatever reason, and that there is a ton of guilt involved. And even though it's not necessarily the intention of b****** moms to add to that guilt, it happens. At the end of my b****** time I was making myself crazy trying to figure out how to keep getting breastmilk to my ds. I was puming every 3 hours and only getting 5 oz. When I went to a breastfeeding support board (not on ds) and said I was considering quitting, the majority of the responses were quite nice and supportive, but I got some other responses, one from a lactation consultant, urging me to continue and to try to increase by supply by pumping more. I had already tried that, and I know the lc was trying to boost my flagging resolve, but what she actually ended up doing was making me feel like a total failure for wanting to quit.

I appreciate a lot of the responses on this thread to the OP, especially the responses that said both sides of the relationship need to be enjoying it. The message I got over and over, from books and online, was that it didn't matter that I wasn't enjoying breastfeeding (because I was so worried about my dwindling supply), but that I should keep doing it for my baby. So to quit breastfeeding when you are repeatedly exposed to that message is very difficult. Most moms want to do what's best for their babies. In the b****** area I totally failed, but I'm giving him what's next best, and I expect I won't fail in other areas. If I'd continued b****** I'd eventually have failed either at that, or at being a mentally healthy mom.

Anyway, I'm babbling.
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