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Old 02-27-2008, 12:52 PM   #161
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Re: i just want to ask...why only when its medical?

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Ican I answer this or was is rhetorical ?

If I hear a mom say she didn't even bother trying to nurse I am first interested in why. Then if she says it seemed too much work or something similar I wonder why she had a child? Having children is a lot of work - and frankly. I get more breaks because I nurse than if I didn't.
FF is a lot more work than nursing.
AND IME I have found women that don't even try often times spend less time with their children. But that is just in my experience.

JMO
No, it wasn't rhetorical, and thank you for answering honestly. Although I have to disagree about ff being more work than bf for me. Because I had so many problems, I spent WAY more time b****** or pumping than I do with formula. I've seen b****** moms who can feed their LO super easily and quickly (just saw a mama at the coffee shop this weekend feed her toddler in about 5 minutes!), but this was not my experience. If everything works for you in that area it's easier, but otherwise it's not. All I do is premake a day's worth of formula, pour it into bottles, refrigerate and feed. My DS likes his milk cold.

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Old 02-27-2008, 12:53 PM   #162
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Re: i just want to ask...why only when its medical?

I DO think there is a need for that to be said. I think too many people make that stupid assumption. And yes, it is a stupid assumption. People often get upset in a BF/FF debate because they make that assumption. No one has to say it, but too many people assume it and start saying, "I'm not a bad mom for FFing." And then the snowball starts rolling because of the assumption that no matter what you say, if it's pro BFing, you've got to think moms that FF are bad moms. I've still never seen someone say, "You're a bad mom for FFing," yet it always gets assumed that that is what people are thinking.
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Old 02-27-2008, 12:59 PM   #163
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Re: i just want to ask...why only when its medical?

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No, it wasn't rhetorical, and thank you for answering honestly. Although I have to disagree about ff being more work than bf for me. Because I had so many problems, I spent WAY more time b****** or pumping than I do with formula. I've seen b****** moms who can feed their LO super easily and quickly (just saw a mama at the coffee shop this weekend feed her toddler in about 5 minutes!), but this was not my experience. If everything works for you in that area it's easier, but otherwise it's not. All I do is premake a day's worth of formula, pour it into bottles, refrigerate and feed. My DS likes his milk cold.
Well I didn't have it easy with my first child, DD, or child #3, DS2, though I wish I did! I will spare you the details but suffice it to say it didnt get "easy" until DD was about 6 months old and with DS2 about the same. But I had different problems with each.

The fact that women who successfully breastfeed must have it "easy" is an assumption people often make... (another reason we shouldn't assume ) I was just determined and, frankly did'nt have a choice in my mind.

But at the end of the day we each have to do what's best for our family.
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Old 02-27-2008, 01:08 PM   #164
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Re: i just want to ask...why only when its medical?

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I DO think there is a need for that to be said. I think too many people make that stupid assumption. And yes, it is a stupid assumption. People often get upset in a BF/FF debate because they make that assumption. No one has to say it, but too many people assume it and start saying, "I'm not a bad mom for FFing." And then the snowball starts rolling because of the assumption that no matter what you say, if it's pro BFing, you've got to think moms that FF are bad moms. I've still never seen someone say, "You're a bad mom for FFing," yet it always gets assumed that that is what people are thinking.
My problem wasn't with you saying the assumption is false, but rather that the assumption is "stupid." FF moms can get rather worked up and are on the defensive a lot. A lot of the guilt stems from feelings of inadequacy as a mother for not b******. I've never seen someone say "you're a bad mom for f******" either, but that doesn't mean is stupid for someone to believe that other people are judging her. There's a lot of stuff people think or believe that they wouldn't be willing to say out loud or write, but that doesn't mean it's not true. That being said, again, I don't think most b****** moms look down on f****** moms. But some do, even if they don't say it. Someone in this thread earlier said she wished they'd lock up formula so it wasn't available. She didn't outwardly say "you're a bad mom for f******," but she certainly implied that she looked down at moms who did. Obviously, she's a minority in her opinion, but it's there.

I'm not saying treat f****** moms with kid gloves, but try imagining you couldn't bf for some reason. How would you feel about some of the not-so-nice things said on this thread and others? Before my experience, I thought it was pretty lame that some women wouldn't breastfeed or wouldn't breastfeed for long, but now that I've experienced what it's like to not have that part of motherhood work out, I'm a little more understanding. NOT that most women aren't understanding, but some aren't, and it hurts when you either are or have struggled with this issue.
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Old 02-27-2008, 01:11 PM   #165
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Re: i just want to ask...why only when its medical?

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The fact that women who successfully breastfeed must have it "easy" is an assumption people often make... (another reason we shouldn't assume ) I was just determined and, frankly did'nt have a choice in my mind.

But at the end of the day we each have to do what's best for our family.
I do want to be clear that I wasn't assuming you had it easy, I was just reading that from your post that you said it was easier for you.

I was determined too. But I have a career and couldn't bf DS during the day. If I'd been too determine, he'd probably be even tinier than he already is.
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Old 02-27-2008, 01:13 PM   #166
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Re: i just want to ask...why only when its medical?

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...Someone in this thread earlier said she wished they'd lock up formula so it wasn't available. She didn't outwardly say "you're a bad mom for f******," but she certainly implied that she looked down at moms who did. ...
Is it possible she is judging the formula and it's companies (beacuase of the awful tactics they use, etc,) rather than just the focus being to the mom???


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I do want to be clear that I wasn't assuming you had it easy, I was just reading that from your post that you said it was easier for you.

I was determined too. But I have a career and couldn't bf DS during the day. If I'd been too determine, he'd probably be even tinier than he already is.
OKay I can see how that could happen. I did say I got more breaks ( having to sit all the time - not a bad thing ) while bf'ing, and FF is 'hard'. SO I see where that could lead one to believe I had it easy...
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Old 02-27-2008, 01:14 PM   #167
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Re: i just want to ask...why only when its medical?

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My problem wasn't with you saying the assumption is false, but rather that the assumption is "stupid." FF moms can get rather worked up and are on the defensive a lot. A lot of the guilt stems from feelings of inadequacy as a mother for not b******. I've never seen someone say "you're a bad mom for f******" either, but that doesn't mean is stupid for someone to believe that other people are judging her.
I didn't say THEY were stupid. I said the assumption is stupid.
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Old 02-27-2008, 01:20 PM   #168
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Re: i just want to ask...why only when its medical?

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Is it possible she is judging the formula and it's companies (beacuase of the awful tactics they use, etc,) rather than just the focus being to the mom???
I suppose that's possible, but it didn't come off that way to me. And I can't help but think it wouldn't come off that way to other women to ff.


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OKay I can see how that could happen. I did say I got more breaks ( having to sit all the time - not a bad thing ) while bf'ing, and FF is 'hard'. SO I see where that could lead one to believe I had it easy...
And I did say easier, not easy. Nothing's easy when it comes to feeding a hungry baby.
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Old 02-27-2008, 01:22 PM   #169
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Re: i just want to ask...why only when its medical?

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I didn't say THEY were stupid. I said the assumption is stupid.
And I didn't say you said they were stupid, just that what they thought was stupid. I agree that the assumption is unfair. I just hate the term "stupid."

I promise, I'm not always this argumentative. Well, maybe I am. But I still like all of you!
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Old 02-27-2008, 01:22 PM   #170
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Re: i just want to ask...why only when its medical?

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Nothing's easy when it comes to feeding a hungry baby.
I beg to differ.
Nothing is easier than holidng a fully fed baby while he or she drifts off to sleep in your arms looking like the angel they are....nothing....
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