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Old 07-23-2011, 03:14 PM   #1
carolineb's Avatar
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I really do love nursing my baby...

BUT...I'm having a hard time with the lack of personal space! I love the sitting down to nurse him and don't mind some of the comfort nursing he does, and the night feeds aren't bad since I co-sleep so I'm getting rest mainly. But I'm having a hard time with the feeling that I can't leave him at all. I have a friend who is able to keep him but it's not very often that she can. We usually do kid swaps so we can each do a solo run or bike ride. Ds always goes hysterical in the childcare at the gym or church so they always have to come get me cutting my workout short, etc. The only way he'll nap for any decent amount of time is if I hold him or wear him.

DH is sort of "afraid" to keep him for anytime unless I allow him to give him a bottle. I'm okay with that but I never can find time to pump so I don't ever have any milk available. I keep teetering on the idea of just buying a can of formula. If he just got an occasional bottle once every weekend or less then I probably wouldn't have to pump unless I felt engorged and then I would have my milk for the next bottle. Doing that I probably wouldn't finish a whole can before he hit a year. It would probably expire before then!

But pride keeps stepping in b/c DH kept asking to give him a bottle and I kept saying no. My goal was a year and no formula. I just don't know what to do. I'm just ready to get back into my biking and running and lose the baby weight. Also, my workout time is my only chance to have ANY time to myself so I REALLY need that time to regain my sanity.

I'm just so busy during the day that it never seems feasible to pump until all the kids are in bed. By then I am so tired I don't feel like pumping and when I have pumped I wouldn't get much.

How am I going to make it a year? And then some as I was going to let ds wean himself.

I made it to 4 months with my other 2, but by 3 months they were 50/50 bf/ff so it gradually got less bf until they weaned themselves so I didn't experience this "tied down" feeling with them except the early newborn days. But then I feel guilty for saying that I feel "tied down" to my baby.

This is something I wanted so much, and it has gone really well but sometimes it's just hard to be demanded of so much. I really want to ebf for a year but I also just want a little bit of freedom.
Caroline-happily married to Keith since 4/27/02; momma to D (5/10/05), M (2/10/07) and S (3/25/11)
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