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Old 05-09-2011, 02:52 PM   #21
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Re: Anyone ever wanted to wean just to....

OMG I think about this all the time! It drives me crazy that I have no interets in DTD, when before I.. well love to do it..

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Old 05-09-2011, 05:54 PM   #22
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Re: Anyone ever wanted to wean just to....

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To the bolded: I agree. IMO, our relationship is the foundation of our family. It is important. If lack of intimacy is hurting my marriage, which it can for us, and I could do something about it, I would. BF'ing past a year is wonderful and awesome and definitely beneficial. I'm doing it. My twins are 13 months. But, happy parents are very important to the entire family, including the kids. Like I said, I would definitely wait till at least a year and probably a little longer. I wouldn't wean to the detriment of my child. Like you said, your baby is not even taking solids yet. But, if it were 16 months in and baby was eating table foods and drinking from a sippy and I knew weaning would help my marriage, I would probably do it. It can be hard to balance your relationship with your children with the relationship with your husband. I just try to remember that everyone in the family is important. Sometimes our marriage needs to come first if it can. Is your cycle back yet? Maybe your drive will come back soon and it won't even be an issue. I pray that is what happens.
Bolded mine. I am totally there with you. Had a very high drive before I got pg with DD, and things slowed way down during pregnancy. First trimester I was pretty sick, and then the drive just didn't come back. After she was born it was just so painful for a long time, and it was at least 9 months before we could dtd and I actually liked it. Even then I was def not the one to initiate. It has definitely been a big stressor for our marriage, but we decided together to nurse for a year. Now that dd is almost 13 months I am still nursing 2x a day, but things are starting to get back to normal. If they hadn't, though, I would definitely consider weaning to get the drive back. My relationship with DH is just too important.

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I think sometimes doing all the things that generally surround the actual act of intimacy (i.e. the wining/dining, romantic-type relationship-y things couples do before they have children) helps encourage the act itself. Us mommies give of ourselves so fully and completely to our children we neglect making the time for things like a full night out with the DH on the town, a hotel room, a few too many beers etc (whatever floats your boat! LOL) I have never considered weaning in order to regain sex drive, because I think there are too many other things I can try first.
YES! I have definitely felt more like "doing it" when we actually took the time out to do those things we used to do before the baby. And, to be honest, a beer or a glass of wine first always puts me more in the mood

I hope things start to get better for you - it is SUCH a hard time and I have struggled with this a lot too. It will get a lot better as your child gets older and starts to nurse less often!
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Old 05-10-2011, 05:16 PM   #23
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Re: Anyone ever wanted to wean just to....

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Is your cycle back yet? Maybe your drive will come back soon and it won't even be an issue. I pray that is what happens.
It's not. This is a new record for me. And I'm sure it has everything to do with the fact that DS is still nursing 10+ times a day!

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Originally Posted by JoyBme01 View Post
I think sometimes doing all the things that generally surround the actual act of intimacy (i.e. the wining/dining, romantic-type relationship-y things couples do before they have children) helps encourage the act itself. Us mommies give of ourselves so fully and completely to our children we neglect making the time for things like a full night out with the DH on the town, a hotel room, a few too many beers etc (whatever floats your boat! LOL) I have never considered weaning in order to regain sex drive, because I think there are too many other things I can try first.
I've hinted... okay, more than just hinted at this with DH. I know I need to get out more, go on dates with him, etc. But he's so busy too. And our kids are all really young, so going out is tricky anyway. We're lucky to find the time and energy to dtd as it is. But I so desperately want to feel "courted" again. Is that cheesy?
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Old 05-10-2011, 06:56 PM   #24
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Re: Anyone ever wanted to wean just to....

My sex drive returned with AF at 5 months, even though I was nursing on demand. I welcomed AF back because it was so nice to actually want to have sex again.
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Old 05-10-2011, 09:37 PM   #25
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Re: Anyone ever wanted to wean just to....

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It's not. This is a new record for me. And I'm sure it has everything to do with the fact that DS is still nursing 10+ times a day!



I've hinted... okay, more than just hinted at this with DH. I know I need to get out more, go on dates with him, etc. But he's so busy too. And our kids are all really young, so going out is tricky anyway. We're lucky to find the time and energy to dtd as it is. But I so desperately want to feel "courted" again. Is that cheesy?
Totally not cheesy. I have 5 kids 5 and under. Believe me, we do not get out, maybe 2 or 3 times a year for a couple hours. What we do is have "date night" at home. We put the kids to bed and then one of us goes to pick up take out from a restaurant, not like pizza or Chinese, but a real restaurant. We eat just the two of us and watch a movie or play a game or whatever. Sometimes we skip dinner and I make "real" popcorn on the stove. You can add candles and dress up a little to spice it up. You could also take a bubble bath together or something to get some romance in there. (We have a hot tub on our patio, but that came with this house. We haven't always had it.) I haven't in a while, but I used to make sure I looked nice and wore a skirt (what my hubby likes) the day we were planning our date to "set the mood." So, my point is, you don't actually have to leave the house to have a date and to spend some time together. Just enjoy each other however you can. Maybe try this without any expectations for physical intimacy and just see how it goes. Reconnecting might really help a lot.
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