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Old 01-22-2013, 10:06 AM   #1
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My mil is already buying baby stuff, I am not ready for this.

We finally told the inlaws about a week and half ago about the pregnancy. Neither one of us were really ready to deal with mil and this. She is a great person just overwhelming when it comes to babies. Well, mil has called everyday this weekend asking about some sort of baby item I might need and when should we go pick out the crib and carseat. I am still super sick right now just barely making through the day, I really don't want to spend hours walking around a baby store. To top it off my first appointment isn't until Feb 18th. I really do not want to buy anything until I know everything is going ok. When my dh was talking to his sister she told him their mom had bought about $500 in baby clothes already Dh sister said that mil had not told me yet about the clothes since she knows I want to wait on buying anything baby until we know the sex of the baby in 11 weeks or so. My fear is what if something is wrong at our first appointment like no heartbeat or something and we lose the baby. I don't want a bunch of baby stuff around to remind me. I just wish she understood. I don't want to be ungrateful because the help in baby stuff will be great but I am just not ready yet.

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Old 01-22-2013, 10:17 AM   #2
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Old 01-22-2013, 10:47 AM   #3
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Re: My mil is already buying baby stuff, I am not ready for this.

I'm sorry, I would be so irritated by that. It's great that she's excited, but a little consideration of your feelings would be nice, too. Can you have your DH talk to her about it?
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Old 01-22-2013, 11:00 AM   #4
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I don't blame you one but. My MIL was a bit like this when we announced that I was pg with DS. We had been to the doctor and seen hb and all, but I still wasn't planning or doing much. She didn't buy stuff but went crazy with what *she* thought the nursery should be, name suggestions we should really consider, etc. craziness. My DH finally told her enough and to let it lie. She was mad but she backed off. I would have your DH talk with gis Mom and tell her to please stop. For one, the money that she is spending sounds insane. And maybe, just maybe , you might want to pick out some stuff too?

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Old 01-22-2013, 12:42 PM   #5
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Re: My mil is already buying baby stuff, I am not ready for this.

It's nice that she's excited, but that's a bit insane, lol. Def have dh talk to her and explain that it's so early still. I can't imagine someone buying that much clothing already!!
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Old 01-22-2013, 01:06 PM   #6
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Re: My mil is already buying baby stuff, I am not ready for this.

Dh has talked to her that is why she didn't tell us she bought that much, sil told us that. She is one that does what she wants no matter what anyone else wants or says. I guess I should be glad that the stuff is still at her house and not mine.
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Old 01-22-2013, 01:56 PM   #7
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Re: My mil is already buying baby stuff, I am not ready for this.

Maybe you could make her keep it all at her house until close to your due date? That way it isn't cluttering up your home, and if something does happen to the baby, it's all still her stuff, and won't be hanging around reminding you of your loss (which hopefully won't happen anyway!). Just a thought.

My MIL has already knit 2 pink sweaters, even though I'm pretty sure I'm having another boy. She has 5 sons and DS is her only grandchild so far, so she would adore a granddaughter. Her plan is to give away any sweaters we don't need.
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Old 01-22-2013, 02:38 PM   #8
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Re: My mil is already buying baby stuff, I am not ready for this.

My in laws are like that and my MIL actually lives with us since she has cancer so it makes it tough BUT i will say as long as it isnt harmful then just smile and say thank you. Ask her to keep all the stuff she buys at her house until your X amount of weeks and at the end of the day its her money and time and she is just excited. It's her way of being involved.

My MIL buys my daughter the most outragious things sometimes and they are a waste of space and just not anything I would ever buy... so I made do and say thank you and give her a huge hug and then eventually it ends up in the good will pile or given away if it's awful enough. I tried to get her to see that it wasn't helpful but it just hurt her feelings and made her feel bad and it wasn't worth it. So my new rule is as long as it isn't harmful I let her buy my children whatever she wants and now she actually asks me what would be most helpful and it's great.

I think it's hard for MIL to be involved in their DIL lives sometimes because it is awkward on occasion.... after living with my MIL for the past few years I have a new compassion for her since my SIL is not very willing to let her be involved in their lives.... I could only imagine if it were my son and his family I feel so bad for her. Mommies still only want to somehow be involved in their kiddos lives no matter how annoying it can feel. SO any way... if it's not harmful I guess just ask her to keep all the stuff until further notice and just try not to get too worried.

Sorry it's been so tough.
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Old 01-22-2013, 03:33 PM   #9
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Re: My mil is already buying baby stuff, I am not ready for this.

My mom is a shopoholic...luckily just going to Ross. But she stalks up on tons of baby stuff and gives them all to us (me or my sister) at our baby shower. She knows not to overwhelm us right away...especially with both of our m/c histories.
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Old 01-23-2013, 06:27 AM   #10
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I could see where that could be a little pushy and holy moly that's a LOT of money on clothing! I guess I would rather have it like that though than totally not involved. Both of my parents and my in-laws are totally uninvolved. They care about our kids but never send anything or help us out with baby stuff. In fact, my mom even went as far as making it clear she won't be coming out to help when the twins are born. It blows my mind but there's nothing I can do about it. So, it could be worse?!
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