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Old 02-04-2013, 11:55 PM   #1
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How do you connect with your pre teen/teen?

I've got a great relationship with my oldest daughter (she's 11). But, as she gets older, I sometimes struggle to find ways to stay connected with her. When she was littler, we would read together, do crafts, play games, etc. We do play games as a family and goof off every now and then. I try to have one on one convos with her every day/evenings, we'll do nails, or cook.

I feel like she tells me everything. But she was having a problem (which I knew about) that I tried to get her to open up more and she explained and then said she just wanted to alone. Later, I saw on her FB message with her friend, she really wanted to talk to her about it. Made me kinda sad that I'm no longer her main/only source of comfort. Even though I know that's silly and she needs her friends and their perspectives also.

Long way to it, what do YOU do to help you maintain your bond? Maybe it would be something that would work for me and my dd.
JC, SAHM to my three beautiful daughters Nathalia Grace , 12, and my Irish twins Ava Elizabeth, 8,: Olivia Catherine 7
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Old 02-05-2013, 12:26 AM   #2
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Re: How do you connect with your pre teen/teen?

Sometimes just grocery shopping together just her and I. She is basically trapped so it is talk to me or don't talk at all. Then we may stop to eat somewhere. That makes it special rather than a chore. Also I sometimes let her stay up with me after the others are in bed. When alone with me sometimes she will bring things up out of the blue. My daughter is 13. She will be 14 in April.
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Old 02-05-2013, 12:35 AM   #3
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It is sad sometimes. My stepdaughter and I (she is 13.5) have a great relationship like you and your daughter do. She comes over every Friday (morning she has no school Fridays)-Sunday evening. Our special time is when DH and baby are sleeping is from 8pm-11:30 ish Friday night & Saturday night. We watch a silly girl movie or we watch silly YouTube videos & laugh our butts off. I ask her about her friends & who of her friends likes which boy. I never say which boy do you like just tell her about when I was her age & she openly shares with me what is going on at school. She and I are only 13 yrs apart (dh was 18 when she was born & he is 5 yrs older than me) and her and 7month old DD are 13 yrs apart. I do her nails every Friday. I know there are some things she doesn't tell me but I always say if you ever need to talk or need advise I am here for you. & I throw in the 'even if it is something embarrassing because since we are both female chances are that same thing has happened with me too'

I also play with her hair and she will play with mine.

It is sad to see the grow up
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Old 02-05-2013, 06:46 AM   #4
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Re: How do you connect with your pre teen/teen?

My dd is eleven. She still likes to do little crafty things with me but I feel like I am always so busy. So sometimes during the day when my middle dd is at school I will take my youngest to her sitter and just do one on one with my oldest. She is homeschooled and gets a lot of my time anyways but it's usually shared. One thing you may want to try is a notebook. Tell her that if she doesn't wish to talk or if you're too busy to talk she can write her feelings/questions in the notebook. Then you can read it and respond. I am starting this with my dds (both the older two). I told them that no matter what they write I will not yell at them. It is their "safe" zone to get out their feelings. Hope that helps.
Tanya, mama to four wonderful girls, wifey to my favorite guy
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