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#11 |
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Re: Can't leave DD
My advice...she will only be a little baby for a few more months, so cherish this time. It may be inconvenient and confining at times for her to prefer Mommy, but it isn't a "problem" that anyone caused or that really needs fixing. It is absolutely stressful to try to soothe a cranky, tired, crying baby, so recognize that when you do leave her with your DH and offer him encouragement. My DH gets irritated with me too when he has a rough night with the girls, but it is good for all of them occasionally to work it out themselves. DH (and a lot of other Dads I know) seem to think babies only cry when they need to nurse, so he tends to pass her off if I am home and she cries. He is much more willing to take the lead with my 2 year old since he can talk to her and determine her needs. My kids always preferred me at bedtime as babies. It doesn't mean my DH didn't take enough responsibility or I didn't leave them enough. Babies want their Mommies and that is the biological norm. I agree that you could try to leave him with her at her happy times for short stents, mainly to build his confidence as a caregiver.
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Kim ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Last edited by juliasmom; 02-12-2013 at 01:03 PM. |
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#12 |
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Re: Can't leave DD
I don't think it's your fault at all, some kiddos are just born this way. Circumstances may encourage it a little, for instance you staying at home. BUT she would still need the attachment with someone, so it's best it's you. Or, she may still be upset even if you left her regularly. I've heard from several day care providers there are babies that just cry all day no matter what.
My first was nothing like this, in fact would prefer most of the time not to be held and when she was could care less who was holding her. My second was the total opposite and much like your dd. My husband didn't really like her (as awful as that sounds) or at least spending time with her for the first 12 months because all she would do is cry when he had her. We didn't do anything different between the two, they were just born different. It will get much better as time goes on but I know now is tough for everyone. Just figure out what you need to do to keep your sanity even if it means she has to cry for a little while. The rest of the time enjoy the cuddles and that she finds so much comfort in you.
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Currently a SAHM trying to be the best wife to my amazing hubby, and best mommy to my sweet girls that I can be |
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#13 | |
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Re: Can't leave DD
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It's absolutely nobody's fault that your LO has a preference and you shouldn't discourage baby needing you and feeling safe with you, but in my minimal but very recent experience it will help to do what luvsviola is suggesting.
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#14 |
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Re: Can't leave DD
This is what worked for us, too, but I'll add the caveat that if you want to set them both up for success, you should time your outings carefully at first. Don't leave just before bedtime when everyone's tired and frustrated; leave right after she's woken up from a nap and nursed and is in a happy mood. Start with being gone for shorter periods of time, and work your way up longer outings.
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#15 | |
Banned
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Re: Can't leave DD
Quote:
![]() It is totally okay to take care of your needs. That helps your baby too ![]() |
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#16 |
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I don't mind her being attached to me at all. I love that she needs me and I happily hold and wear her 95% of the day.
Its just irritating that when I need to get something done or even shower I can't with out him coming to be within 5 minutes that I'm taking to long and to hurry up he has things to do. Um hello I'm trying to shower my only time alone! And then as soon as I hurry up and get out he plops his butt on the couch and gets on his phone!! I know its my fault partly too but ugh! I just really wanted to see if anyone else was in the same boat. |
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#17 |
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And its hard for daddy too because he really wants his daddys girl but I know he doesn't know what to do with a small baby.
When shes walking I think their bond will be better cuz then they can really play |
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#18 | |
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Re: Can't leave DD
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J- sahm to Z~12.07, A~4.09 and J~ 8.13 ![]() |
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#19 |
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Re: Can't leave DD
It took 18 months for my husband and boys to bond (for some reason it was quicker with my daughter and she really liked him), but handing her back every time she cries won't help.
They all adore him now and he is really close with all 3 kids. |
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#20 | |
Registered Users
Formerly: kr***y |
Re: Can't leave DD
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She won't die, she won't starve, and she will eventually fall asleep if she NEEDS to sleep. Conversely, he won't melt, he won't explode, and he'll figure her out enough to be able to manage her without your help. Babies involve a lot of learning, and sometimes that's not fun, but it's necessary (IMO) and just part of the territory. My DS was also high needs. I co slept with him for his first 2 yrs of life b/c he NEEDED me. But I also needed to leave. To not be constantly holding him, feeding him, rocking him, wearing him, nursing him, etc. It was just as important for ME to go have some time away as it was for him and DH to have some time without me around. As far as your DH putting her down, I am not sure that's a bad thing. I think it's totally fine, and even GOOD for babies around your DD's age to learn to preoccupy themselves for short bursts of time. That's ok. As long as she's being properly supervised in a safe place with appropriate toys, it's totally fine, normal, and GOOD to put her down and let her explore on her own while your DH chills out. That's part of parenting, too. ![]() Last edited by Kiliki; 02-14-2013 at 02:12 PM. |
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