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Old 03-20-2007, 11:58 AM   #1
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Very Serious Subject - I need help with please !!**UPDATE** in post #59 3/28

I don't mean to offend anyone by starting this, but aside from DH, I don't have anyone to get opinions from.

I found out last week that a cousin of mine was molested. And, it was by my brother. I was told by an aunt of mine, and I am very sick over this whole thing. My mom has not told me, and told my aunt not to tell me because it wasn't her place. Well, it has been almost a week since I have found out and my mom still hasn't told me. My aunt says she had to tell me because I have little girls, and she was afraid for them.

A little background, I was molested as a little girl by 2 of my uncles. So were both of my sisters. So, when I found this out immediately, I started vomiting and crying hysterically. This really hits close to home. I feel for my cousin. Apparently, it has been reported, but for some reason he isn't in jail. I guess it happened over a year ago, and he would have been a minor.

My aunt said don't tell anyone until your mom tells you. Well, I wasn't going to wait, I have a sister with a little girl, and I am her God Mother and I don't want her to be put in harms way. I told her, and she had the same reaction, she started vomiting and crying uncontrollably. I never thought my little brother could do this.

I grew up in a very abusive home. Physically, mentally, sexually, and verbally. My children only see my mom maybe once or twice a year, and not at her house. We live over an hour away from her.

Am I wrong to cut off all ties from my family? My mom never reported my uncles molesting me. And, now its too late. I hate her so much for this. I really have no reason to have any contact with her. She told my aunt that she will do anything to protect her son. She is very sick in my opinion. I am just so lost. I feel like a little girl scared all over again.

I am in my office sitting here crying. I can't concentrate on anything. I feel physically sick. Am I wrong? Thank you so much for listening. I am very ashamed about this, but I can't keep it in anymore I feel like I will explode. This has taken a lot for me to write this so please don't flame me.

If you made it this far, Thank you,



Wife to Mommy to : ,

Last edited by football_cheer_mom; 03-28-2007 at 12:53 PM.
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Old 03-20-2007, 12:01 PM   #2
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Re: Very Serious Subject - I need help with please !!

You should not feel ashamed. This was not your fault.

I'll be back to post more. Just wanted to get that in.
Shannon ~ Wife to Kevin || 08.14.04
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Old 03-20-2007, 12:04 PM   #3
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Re: Very Serious Subject - I need help with please !!

Wow, Nikki,

I can't begin to give advice, but you should do what feels right in your heart. If you cut off ties, you might regret it later, you might thank your lucky stars, I don't know. I ws never close with either of my Grandmothers, so I know it's not a huge loss to grow up without them. If you feel your family is safer without your extended family - then by all means, do what is right for you. Honestly, I dont' talk to but 2 or 3 of the very large family on my mother's side and she speaks to none of them b/c of the serious level of drug & alcohol abuse- and my sister doesn't talk to any of them at all. So, IMO, if you wanna cut of ties, I would, at least for now.

And ditto- there is NOTHING to be ashamed of in this situation but I understand where that feeling is coming from...
Abigail- Mommy to Jalen(2/04), Neala(7/06), & Esme (4/09) & 3 dogs

Last edited by abigail; 03-20-2007 at 12:05 PM.
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Old 03-20-2007, 12:07 PM   #4
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Re: Very Serious Subject - I need help with please !!

My heart goes out to you! I can't imagine having experienced what you have at all! And then to know that your brother is causing/has caused someone else such pain! Not making excuses for her AT ALL! But I imagine that for your mom it is hard to fathom her son doing this, no one wants to think that their child could do anything bad, let alone something so horrific. Hopefully she will come to realize that she needs to take some action to protect her grandchildren (and others). I would hope that she, your brother and all involved get some help and find someone to talk to, regardless of what the outcome is with him going or not going to jail.
You will be in my thoughts sweetie!
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Old 03-20-2007, 12:07 PM   #5
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Re: Very Serious Subject - I need help with please !!

I really don't know what to say besides I am very very sorry you are going though this. to you and your sisters. I say you should do whatever you have to do to keep you and your children safe.
Teneik~ Proud Navy Wife to Shaune and SAHM to Gabrielle (8/02) and Sebastian (11/05)
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Old 03-20-2007, 12:08 PM   #6
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Re: Very Serious Subject - I need help with please !!

Oh, dear God! How terrible for you to have to re-live all of that--and to not feel safe with your own family!
I have absolutely no experience in your suffering, but FWIW I would absolutely separate my kids from my extended family if something like that happened. Really, I'd prob be like you--I would have gotten away from my Mom long ago for not protecting me (that's her job as a mother) in the first place, then I would've likely allowed her to interact w/ my kids just because I'd want to try to forgive and give my kids a grandma. Now tho?!?! It'd be over. She's obviously not protecting you AGAIN. For some reason her son deserves more protection than her daughters and her own grandchildren?!?!
No way. If the police can't keep molesters behind bars or in treatment centers where they belong, and your own family isn't stepping up to make you all aware of what's going on--you need to be the one to protect your babies...and all the babies that might be exposed to your brother, too. Get the word out and cut that family out permanently. There's no good that can come from spending time w/ people how don't have your kids' best interests at heart. Surround them w/ people who will love and nurture them, even if they're not true 'family'.
Erika--Cloth Diapering (again!), Extended Breastfeeding, Babywearing, Signing and Delayed/Selective Vaxxing Mama to 7y/o Ramie, 4 y/o Reese and newbie Sebastian
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Old 03-20-2007, 12:11 PM   #7
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Re: Very Serious Subject - I need help with please !!

I cannot express how sorry I am that you are dealing with this situation. I do want to respond to this part of your question :

Am I wrong to cut off all ties from my family?
I would cut ties with her and anyone that supports her. I have BTDT. it's not "easy" but it's the right thing to do for your family - you need people who WILL protect you around you.
ETA tell anyone who has girls that may have been in contact with him : t-o-d-a-y do not wait. Whay wait/ so someone doesn't get mad??? B.S. do for other potential victims what your mom didn't do for you.

Find your local LLL or IBCLC
"In the end, only kindess matters" Jewel

Last edited by moonphishers; 03-20-2007 at 12:17 PM.
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Old 03-20-2007, 12:11 PM   #8
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Re: Very Serious Subject - I need help with please !!

There is no reason that you should get flamed...I don't have any suggestions at all...but I didn't want to say nothing.

Jenelle SAHM to Kain (01/27/04) Drake (08/22/05)
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Old 03-20-2007, 12:13 PM   #9
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Re: Very Serious Subject - I need help with please !!

No shame, mama! I would cut the ties that bind. I was molested and that person will never ever be in the same room as my dd. Some other relatives did know and a lot of kids were hurt because no one spoke up. Things like this permanently damage families, that's just what happens. Some people will forgive and forget. I will not. You have to do what's right for you.

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Old 03-20-2007, 12:16 PM   #10
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Re: Very Serious Subject - I need help with please !!

nikki im so very sorry
dont feel its your fault
and YES you should cut ties with your family, your mom is as weak and as mean as your uncles for NEVER reporting it. she should have you never did anything wrong.
pst: a good book to read: bad childhood , good life from dr laura schlessinger. ( it hink i mess up her last name girl sorry ) its a great book~!!! please do read it and major to you
SAHM to David (5) ; wife to my sweetie. Praise the Lord
sorry Im not around as I use to be
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