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Old 02-07-2011, 02:22 PM   #1
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a selfish prayer

I know this is long.
Where to start....my marriage is over.It has been for awhile.We fell in love quickly, I wanted children and we eloped in our "honey moon" phase our relationship and then got pregnant.During the first few months I was completely and utterly in love with him.He was so loving, understanding, sweet and funny.That phase quickly ended, thought it was my hormones but then our oldest was born and it didnt get any better.I vowed then to live for my children.I had tried for the entire pregnancy before I knew we would have no time to ourselves to try pull us together, fall in love again, ect.Nothing ever worked.I got tired of trying and he do absolutely nothing or even acknowledge I was trying.I got pregnant again 6 mo after my first was born.Why do you ask if my marriage was broken?Because I love my children and want as many as I can.Selfish I know.I realized when I was pregnant this time that I didnt want this for my children, that I needed to make it work or leave.So I tried my hardest to fix us, but I have so much resentment, anger and hatefulness toward him.He's hurt me, lied to me, cheated on me, talked bad about me and I just cant get over it.The only thing I love about him is that he has given me the best 2 boys I could have ever asked for.But thats it.I financially can not afford to move out and Im afraid to be a single mother.We sleep in different rooms, work different shifts and as of 2 days ago I am barely speaking to him.This is because I found text messages between him and my mother about how I need an exorcism, I need to keep my mouth shut like normal people, that Im a *****, ect.Yes my own mother has taken his side and makes me out to be a joke.She was the only one in my life that I could talk to or count on.I have no friends, no family besides her and my children, I work home health so I have no co-workers I work with on my shifts.I have only my children now.Which is wonderful, they are why I am alive, who I am and I wouldnt change it for a world.But then that is the only reason I am half held together.I have PPD and all this stress is taking me very close to my breaking point.I have vowed I will not cry, that I wont let my boys down by being weak.So I ask you to please pray for strength that I don't fall apart and to bring me closer to God, whom I have fallen very far away from.Thanks for reading this.Im sorry it was so long.

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Old 02-07-2011, 03:42 PM   #2
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Re: a selfish prayer

I am sorry to hear you are going through all of this. If you want to PM me you can, I can be your friend and listen to you. I'm sorry he turned your own mother against you. Can you call her and talk to her about it? I know it will be hard...Anyway you could get her to let you move in for a few months so you can get on your feet financially?
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Old 02-07-2011, 03:50 PM   #3
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Re: a selfish prayer

I'm sorry your dealing with this in your life, sending prayers you see a line at the end of the tunnel soon.
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Old 02-19-2011, 12:49 PM   #4
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Re: a selfish prayer

UPDATE: I sat my hubby down and explained how I felt exactly, how I think things needs to change.He actually opened up and told me how he felt and the past week he has been nothing but sweet.Roses, flowers, notes, cards, back rubs, helping around the house more, ect.Through all of this I feel like Im not so depressed and Im starting to fall in love with him all over again!Thanks you all for the thoughts and prayers
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Old 02-19-2011, 01:32 PM   #5
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Re: a selfish prayer

and that he will always be this sweet to you.
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Old 02-21-2011, 06:04 PM   #6
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Re: a selfish prayer

I'm glad to hear things are going better mama. ((HUGS))
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Old 03-04-2011, 04:58 PM   #7
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Re: a selfish prayer

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Old 03-04-2011, 10:25 PM   #8
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Re: a selfish prayer

I hope things are still going better.
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Old 03-05-2011, 11:14 AM   #9
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Re: a selfish prayer

I hope you both continue to work on your relationship.
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