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Old 11-30-2012, 12:23 AM   #1
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okay. I definitely have a non traditional relationship. I'm 19 with an almost three month old daughter. my boyfriend is 41(my daughter is not biologically his). he has three children with his ex wife(boy, 18. girl, 12. girl, 10) his ex wife had two children prior to their marriage that he raised as his own(boy, 23. boy, 21). the three kids that are biologically his come over every other weekend to visit their dad. I'm moving in with my boyfriend this weekend(with my daughter and my dog). my question is this: what do I do if his kids hate me? with me being closer to their age will they still listen to me as an authority figure? I'm just preparing myself for the worst I guess. I'm extremely nervous as next weekend will be the first time meeting them. has anyone else been in a relationship with a large age gap? and then i'm extra nervous because the two girls will be teenagers soon and that can be a very rough time for females. I didn't grow up with step parents and the few people I know who did completely despised their step parent :/ so I doubt know anything about merging/blending families. any advice or even just support would be greatly appreciated


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Old 11-30-2012, 01:12 AM   #2
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Re: help!

Not sure on how to help. I had a bf 18 yrs older who had kid with his ex. We ended up not together but after we did start seeing each other he said I should have said baby was his not another now ex of mine. I would see how things go. They might be laid back. My step treated me as outsider & all plus broke up our family so not high like factor there. Sounds like ur guy is really laid back/nice guy to take all those kids in. With age I noticed my ex bf was still in wife/girl had roles & I assume dad the punisher..... so breathe.... maybe someone else can help advise u too......
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Old 12-02-2012, 07:12 PM   #3
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Re: help!

I wouldn't expect them to treat you as an authority figure but the expectation should be respect for sure. I'd let their dad set all of the rules and you can support him as needed. You can be there more to support your bf. I hope things go well!
Suzi, working mama to my ODS(2004) , YDS(2006), DSD(2004) and married to the love of my life
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Old 12-03-2012, 12:01 PM   #4
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Re: help!

Originally Posted by Suzi View Post
I wouldn't expect them to treat you as an authority figure but the expectation should be respect for sure. I'd let their dad set all of the rules and you can support him as needed. You can be there more to support your bf. I hope things go well!
This! I think it is unreasonable to expect them to think of a peer as an authority figure. I think it is going to be a challenging situation for you, but definitely let their dad take all the authority roles.
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Old 12-03-2012, 12:43 PM   #5
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I would definitely caution you to not enter this relationship with them by positioning yourself in a place of authority. That will not go over well. As the child of divorced parents, I would resent the heck out of a SO of my parent trying to be anything other than a friend to me. Just be friendly and don't force a relationship.
Lindsay- wife to my Soldier & SAHM to Gavin 3/06 Liam 5/09 and Collin 8/12
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Old 04-02-2013, 09:50 PM   #6
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Re: help!

my ex husband #2 is younger than me and I was a teen mom with my oldest so I never expected for him to really be seen as a 'dad' figure to him. He ended up taking on more of the 'fun uncle' role with his step-sons. This worked for me because he could still support my authority without being authoritarian. It would have been nice at times if he had been more comfortable helping me discipline, but you have to make compromises in relationships like that where age difference comes into play. I would be more concerned that his children would resent you as you are pretty much the same age as they are. I think you should definitely go out of your way to be nice to them but not in a fake way. The best advice I can think of is to just imagine they aren't his KIDS and they are just people that you are trying to get to know and like so that you can act naturally around them. Allow them to see why they should respect you as a person before worrying about how they see you as a step-parent. Hope all goes well for you!!
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