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Old 01-24-2009, 11:32 AM   #1
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If you spaced your children 4 years apart or more....

Are you happy with that?
Can you tell me some of the pros and cons of that spacing?


Thanks!

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Old 01-24-2009, 12:47 PM   #2
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Re: If you spaced your children 4 years apart or more....

DS is 4 years, 3 months older than DD. It's nice on the one hand, because I had a ton of time to "bond" with DS. I never had to divide my time with any other children. I got to fully experience a baby, toddler, and young child without any distractions. And now that DD is here, DS is old enough to be a wonderful helper. And he's old enough to be independent or at least patient if I'm busy with DD. If I'm sitting down nursing her, he can go to the bathroom alone, get a simple snack alone, get his own toys; I don't have to do every single little thing for him.

My older brother and I are almost exactly the same age difference as DS and DD, right down to the time of year of our births. So from that personal experience of growing up in that age gap, we got along really well as little kids. When he started coming into his teen years though, it got really bad. I wanted to keep hanging out with him and his friends, but no 14 year old wants his 10 year old sister around. And when my brother was 18-19 and I was 14-15 and "coming into my own," so to speak, and his friends started getting interested in me... whoo, it was BAD. We had a ton of knock-down, drag-out fights. And then once he go into his 20s and I was coming into college age, we started getting along more. We're closer than ever, now. But for the teen years, the age gap was a big problem.

We didn't intend for DS to be 4+ years older than the next baby, but we lost a baby in 2007, so the next baby got pushed back. We won't wait that long between DD and the next... I haven't gotten fertility back yet but we'll probably conceive sometime this year or early next, so DD will be anywhere from 15-24 months older than the next. It'll be harder on one hand, because DD won't be as independent as DS is when there's a new baby, but I think we'll like that age gap better, so the kids can be "closer" throughout their lives without that big awkward gap in the preteen and teen years.
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Old 01-24-2009, 01:06 PM   #3
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Re: If you spaced your children 4 years apart or more....

My DD was 5 when her sister was born. Everybody told me that was "too long" and ODD would be horribly jealous. Not so.

I'm glad I got to focus on my ODD for all those years... and now I have another one that I get to spend uninterrupted quality time with, because her older sister goes to school all day.

It worked out great for us. Ambrosia is rarely jealous of her sister, and when she is, she mostly just lets us know. She doesn't take it out on Aurora EVER. She's a great big sister

I do worry that they won't be as close later on, as say: two sisters that are 2 years apart. But I never had any siblings... so IMO, 5 years apart is better than none
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Old 01-24-2009, 01:12 PM   #4
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Re: If you spaced your children 4 years apart or more....

Quote:
Originally Posted by luvmybaby333 View Post
My DD was 5 when her sister was born. Everybody told me that was "too long" and ODD would be horribly jealous. Not so.

I'm glad I got to focus on my ODD for all those years... and now I have another one that I get to spend uninterrupted quality time with, because her older sister goes to school all day.
THIS! My kids are also five years apart, and they get along smashingly. Julia is never jealous, and she just loves on her brother all day. She actually gets a little blue if he's napping when she gets off the school bus!!

I know they'll be close as adults, too. She's an awesome helper, too.

I had 3 miscarriages in between them, but now I know that this was absolutely how it was meant to be... it would have been too close if they'd been only 3 years apart. I highly recommend the distance.
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Old 01-24-2009, 01:22 PM   #5
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Re: If you spaced your children 4 years apart or more....

My youngest son and DD are 5.5 years apart. We decided that when he turned 5 that we'd discuss another one and well, he turned 5 on 2/9 and I got preggo on 1/1 (we only tried for a week and it happened, we were shocked). The pros are that he was old enough to kinda care for himself so I wasn't trying to care for a toddler and a newborn, but at the same time it was like being a first time parent all over again LOL!
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Old 01-24-2009, 01:26 PM   #6
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Re: If you spaced your children 4 years apart or more....

My DSes are three weeks shy of 4 years apart. I really like this spacing. DS1 is old enough to fend for himself and do most of the things for himself that he needs, like dress himself, feed himself, entertain himself, etc. So I am not having to do everything for 2 kids. He is also at an age where he is more independent and not needing Mommy 24/7, so I can focus more on the baby and he doesn't get jealous. He can also help out a little bit by bringing me wipes, playing with the baby for a minute while I do something, etc.
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Old 01-24-2009, 01:38 PM   #7
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Re: If you spaced your children 4 years apart or more....

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Old 01-24-2009, 01:51 PM   #8
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Re: If you spaced your children 4 years apart or more....

Thanks for some fabulous answers! We have been blessed to have a healthy, happy DS. He is, however, quite high maintenance and I just don't think I can handle having another any time soon! I always hear of the pros of having kids so close together, but never far apart!
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Old 01-24-2009, 08:20 PM   #9
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Old 01-24-2009, 10:55 PM   #10
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Re: If you spaced your children 4 years apart or more....

I personally always wanted my kids further apart. I grew up the oldest of four girls. Currently we are 29, 23, 17 & 16. I watched all of my friends have their children under 2 years apart. That just sealed the deal! I wanted about 3 years, but we ended up with 4. Almost to the day. DD is 4/24/04 DS is 4/21/08. So far I love it. They absolutely adore eachother. They play nice most of the time. DS is now crusing and getting into all of DD stuff. I love watching them interact.
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