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Old 07-10-2008, 03:16 PM   #31
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Re: I hate mommy wars just as much as the next guy...

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Originally Posted by KayMarieO View Post
There are some kids that you have to speak loudly and firmly to. Now, I don't think she should have been yelling at that child to get her to play 'properly,' but some children really do require very firm direction. I have to speak in my 'drill sargeant mommy' voice sometimes to get the point across. I get down to his level, and speak clearly, firmly, and yes, a bit loudly, to get him to pay attention - like when he's throwing a tantrum in a situation that we cannot leave (normally I leave and deal with him on neutral territory). My son does not do particularly well with gentle guidance anymore - he needs a firm hand [figuratively! I don't spank him] of direction, or he will *literally* run all over the place. I've known this since he was 14 months old.

It is possible that said child may be the same way Kade is. Or, she could've 0just been a mean mom. I wasn't there and you were, but I just want to say that sometimes a mom 'yelling' might not be a meanie - that could, honestly, just be the only way her child listens.

I'm certain that some onlookers might be horrified with how I occasionally speak to Kade, without realizing that I MUST speak firmly (and yeah, I sound mean. That's why I do it in French - I sound more strict) to Kade to get him to pay attention. 95% of the time, he's a perfectly behaved child (that's a LOT for a toddler!), but when he's bad... he's very bad.

When he's walking holding my hand, he'll bend his knees so that he can swing from one arm - of course to someone just passing by, it'd look like I was dragging him by his arm, but I am not. He's playing 'monkey' and I do not put up with it very long. A temporary window into someones' disciplinary methods does not give you the whole picture.
I whole heartedly understand what you are saying. BUT, in this temporary window unfortunately I saw plenty.

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Old 07-10-2008, 03:19 PM   #32
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Re: I hate mommy wars just as much as the next guy...

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Old 07-10-2008, 03:19 PM   #33
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Re: I hate mommy wars just as much as the next guy...

The part that makes me the saddest is like the OP said, these parents chose to have children and they treat them like they are nothing but burdens or accessories. Every parent has their bad days, I know I certainly do, but some just don't care or see how they are in the wrong.
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Old 07-10-2008, 03:20 PM   #34
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Re: I hate mommy wars just as much as the next guy...

And I do hope that I am not coming across as the perfect mamma or nasty or anything...

again I think it just hit a personal nerve.

And in a way, a big way actually, I feel just as much for the parents. They were probably treated the same way or worse, or may have other stressful issues at hand. It just makes me sad.
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Old 07-10-2008, 03:23 PM   #35
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Re: I hate mommy wars just as much as the next guy...

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I don't think you were out of line wit your post, and honestly it makes me feel bad when I see these situations too

But I have to chime in... I'm sure you and anybody else with children knows how taxing emotionally/physically/ and every other way little ones can be on occasion. When I'm at my best as a mommy, I feel like I did well handling it all. I will stay calm, rational, remove the child from the bad situation and put them in a good one without yelling..etc..Give lots of hugs and go the extra mile to spend time doing all out fun things with them because those cute/baby years go by so quickly!

At my worst, I am ussually exhausted from nursing all day/night, and dealing with two very rambunctious boys who are constantly fighting over toys or getting into trouble; everything wears on me more. On days like this, nothing seems to get done around the house, and the boys seem to have pushed every last "mommy button" I have in my being.

One particular day comes to mind, when I took all three of my little ones to the park. I had the baby in her ring sling, snuggled with me. The 24 month old was playing, pretty contentedly, and the four year old was climbing and being his ussual energetic self. Then..it was time to head home because the baby was starting to get hunger, and the wind was picking up, making it a bit more chilly than ussual. We live about a block from the playground, so we always just walk there and back.
Well...at this point...the 24 month old decided he would try to kick and scream and throw a tantrum that it was time to go. The baby was crying in her sling because she was starting to feel chilly. The four year old climbed to the top of the slide/jungle gym where I couldn't reach him and told me he wasn't going to move!
Now...like I said I'm ussually a patient, loving mama (or I try to be!) but I felt so helpless! I wished so much that my DH could have been there to help me, but I was alone and had no way of getting this kid down from that jungle gym. The tantrum/screaming was putting me on end with the baby crying....And I almost lost it. I really did yell at my four year old "COME DOWN NOW, get down here! We have to go home! You get down RIGHT NOW! etc..." and I must have sounded much like the mom you described in your post.
When my four year old finally did come down..he RAN away from me...INTO The road despite my running after him (holding a newborn, and dragging a 2 year old by the hand), and my yelling NO! DANGER GET BACK!!! He ran into the road, and zigg zagged all the way down it until he got to our house. Then he ran inside and hid just before I got in the door.

Yeah..he was in trouble. Yes, he got a spank, time out, dinner by himself away from the family dinner table, and sent to bed early.
Was I a bad mama? He got the message, and never did it again..but yeah, I had to yell, and I had to maintain that Mommy means buisiness.

Sorry that was so long, but it hit a chord with me when you said you were upset with the mama for basically saying all the things I said to my son that day = \

I don't think you were being a bad mommy at all. SOmetimes children NEED that type of discipline. I have never had to spank my daughter (turned 10 today!) but she has such a calm nature to her that talking has always worked out. There are children though who are just naturally defiant and I don't think any amount of reasoning can be used all of the time. I don't condone some parents actions and I do agree that to many people act like their children are an annoyance and shouldn't have had them to begin with. You shouldn't punish your child for no reason and you shouldn't yell at your child for no reason but sometimes it is warranted. I think you did what needed to be done.
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Old 07-10-2008, 03:28 PM   #36
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Re: I hate mommy wars just as much as the next guy...

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I'm sorry that you had to see that, and even sorrier that a child is being *truly* treated badly enough that it is capable of upsetting you.
And again it was that, and the child being *so* young and then walking to the van and seeing the little boy getting his cheek smacked for looking at my kiddos. Ugh. I think it was the combination. Yk?
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Old 07-10-2008, 03:48 PM   #37
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Re: I hate mommy wars just as much as the next guy...

I was at a cook out on the 4th of july. There was a lady there with a little boy just about my baby's ago. They are born days apart. Her son bit her (trying out his new teeth). She spanked him. He's 8 months old.

He started screaming like crazy and she said "oh he's just tired" She popped out her boob right there in front of the entire gathering and breast fed the child to sleep.

I was horrified on MANY levels. #1- spanking a child so young. I'm not necessarily anti-spank but at 8 mos!

#2- that fact that with no blanket, no nothing she whipped out her boob in front of an entire gathering of people.

A while after the baby fell asleep she pulled her shirt back up. Prior to that she sat there rocking him with her breat exposed. Good grief!
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Old 07-10-2008, 03:52 PM   #38
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Re: I hate mommy wars just as much as the next guy...

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I was at a cook out on the 4th of july. There was a lady there with a little boy just about my baby's ago. They are born days apart. Her son bit her (trying out his new teeth). She spanked him. He's 8 months old.

He started screaming like crazy and she said "oh he's just tired" She popped out her boob right there in front of the entire gathering and breast fed the child to sleep.

I was horrified on MANY levels. #1- spanking a child so young. I'm not necessarily anti-spank but at 8 mos!

#2- that fact that with no blanket, no nothing she whipped out her boob in front of an entire gathering of people.

A while after the baby fell asleep she pulled her shirt back up. Prior to that she sat there rocking him with her breat exposed. Good grief!

Wow, I can't imagine spanking my 8 month old. However, I don't always cover up when I'm nursing my DS. He hates being covered up and I end up flashing more than if I were to not cover him up. I don't see anything wrong with that.
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Old 07-10-2008, 03:54 PM   #39
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Re: I hate mommy wars just as much as the next guy...

Yes, you would breastfeed unexposed, but after he was done, would you just sit there with your boob hanging out while he slept? uh hello inappropriate.
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Old 07-10-2008, 03:54 PM   #40
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Re: I hate mommy wars just as much as the next guy...

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Wow, I can't imagine spanking my 8 month old. However, I don't always cover up when I'm nursing my DS. He hates being covered up and I end up flashing more than if I were to not cover him up. I don't see anything wrong with that.
do you mean at home or in public?

I'm all for breastfeeding, but i'm not trying to sit in a gathering of friends and strangers and whip out my boob!
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