Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 01-13-2008, 04:28 PM   #1
xelasminin's Avatar
xelasminin
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: PA
Posts: 1,145
My Mood:
your friends...

Basically my only friend left from high school that I still talk to had her children before me, breast-fed one for 2 months but she had lactose intolerence.....i know right? *sigh* never started breastfeeding her 2nd daughter because of complications from the c-sec. and breastfed her 3rd child for a few weeks and quit because he sucked too hard. once again *sigh* probably bad latch you know?

Her cousin and I were due literally days apart from each other, but my son came a month early, she chose to breastfeed and so did I. Well when her son was 10 months old mandy made the comment to me that it looked disgusting that she was feeding a 10 month old, that he was HUGE in her lap, all the meanwhile she knew I was still breastfeeding my 11 month old.

she thinks breastfeeding past a year is child abuse.

I just ignored the 10 month comment, rolled my eyes at the child abuse.

she always said I'd never cloth diaper past a few weeks, I cloth diapered him until he potty learned just a few months ago, and am cloth diapering my daughter this time.

told me making my own baby food would take way too much time, and ensured me her friend never made her 2nd babies food because it was inconvienient.

it seems she's against me in all directions. I assume she's just mad I took a completely different route to parenting, and never went to her for advice.

she makes me feel little sometimes, but I know inside I'm making the right decisions and NO ONE will ever sway me away from them.

her cousin had a 2nd child before I even got pregnant with my 2nd, and made srue she told me that she didn't breastfeed past 2 weeks this time and went to the bottle. Like her telling me that was going to make me change my mind? I'm thinking she didn't connect with her 2nd child the way she did with her first, the 2nd one was a oopsy, she didn't want a 2nd child, and she never really warmed up to the idea from what Mandy told me....so maybe that affected why she didn't breastfeed this one? I don't know.......

I know a lot of people say, "ditch her" you dont' need that. We live 2 hours away from each other now, she's my only real friend left and I hate to let the friendship go over parenting stuff because then I'm no better than her and her opinions.

To me it just seems like a jealousy issue, she seems to get jealous and opinionated over things easily.

What do you guys think of all of this, what would you do??

Advertisement

xelasminin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-13-2008, 06:16 PM   #2
SubliminalDarkness's Avatar
SubliminalDarkness
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Virginia
Posts: 4,344
My Mood:
Re: your friends...

I know a lot of people say, "ditch her" you dont' need that. We live 2 hours away from each other now, she's my only real friend left and I hate to let the friendship go over parenting stuff because then I'm no better than her and her opinions.

"Real friends" don't say things like she's saying. The issue here is not that she and you have different opinions or different parenting methods. The issue is that she belittles and is blatantly hurtful to you. Even if she is jealous, she shoudln't treat a friend that way. And no, it doesn't put you at your level if you choose to separate yourself from a hurtful friendship.

I've been in this position before. All of my friends were very negative and hurtful about the choices I made in my life(marriage, kids, etc.). And I did cut off all ties, simple as that. I went several years where I had no friends. I tried to make new ones, but nothing ever took. But since my second son was born, I was able to find some groups of like-minded parents, and it's been great! They are lovely and nothing but supportive and helpful and positive.

A bad friendship is NOT better than no friendship at all. It's ok to say that you've moved apart, and the things that made you friends before are no longer the priorities in your life.
__________________
Nicole Mama to Kadin 2/02 and Ansel 12/06
Exclusive breastfeeding(BFAR), cloth diapering, cosleeping, babywearing, APing
Ask me about DC/MD/VA babywearing!
SubliminalDarkness is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-2008, 03:42 PM   #3
xelasminin's Avatar
xelasminin
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: PA
Posts: 1,145
My Mood:
Re: your friends...

thank you SO much, you've brought a new light to to my eyes. I never quite thought about it that way, which is WHY I asked for advice. She seems to be this way with quite a few people, she was unsupportive of her sister choosing to go back to school for medical stuff, after going to school for cosmetology. She was unsupportive of her sister breaking off an engagement. It seems that if people don't do things the way she does or thinks they should be done, then they are "stupid" for doing so.

I'll let it go for now, but I will take your advice in the future if she says anything to me about nursing this new one past *gasp* one year....to me 12 months isn't some magical number.

and like you I've also found a group of supportive mommies finally in my small town, so when I go I don't feel like such a freak! I get along really well with one girl imparticular too.

thanks momma - I think I needed to hear your words of advice and encouragment.......I'll just have to see how things go, as it is I don't even see her that often anymore.
xelasminin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-2008, 05:20 PM   #4
mamoo3's Avatar
mamoo3
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: SD
Posts: 1,026
My Mood:
Re: your friends...

I wouldn't completely cut her out of your life, but since you live 2 hours apart, maybe the relationship should change to acquantices. As I have changed my life, I have lost many friends. Mostly because of different beliefs, I still talk to some of them, but they aren't really close friends the way they used to be.
__________________
SAHM to Lena Bena (1-02), Claire Bear (11-04), Con Man (12-06 and Trickster (5-09)
mamoo3 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-2008, 07:12 PM   #5
AlexandZoesmom's Avatar
AlexandZoesmom
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Adirondack Mountains
Posts: 1,851
My Mood:
Re: your friends...

I think with the distance you guys are apart, maybe the friendship will just drift apart and that might be for the best (if that is what you feel in your gut)?

I don;t have really any really close local friends at this point but the friends I do have with little ones, even though we make very different parenting choices, are respectful of my decisions (as I am of theirs). that just seems like a basic ground rule, know what I mean?

Good luck mama
__________________
Wife to David Mom to Alex (6/07) and Aidan (10/09) dogmom to Zoe
Dragonfly Gifts: Gift baskets, baby blankets, cloth napkins, and more! Use code DSMAMA for 10% off!
AlexandZoesmom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-15-2008, 12:30 AM   #6
sapphos's Avatar
sapphos
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Currently in Little Rock, Arkansas
Posts: 928
My Mood:
Re: your friends...

First do you know the term "frenemies"? This is what comes to mind with. Unfortunately I'm a bit hard nosed about things and if someone is sucking energy or being so negative then they have no purpose in my life. Life is tough enough without things like that. There are so many places you can look for other like minded and positive moms.

Also, I am still in an AP group in San Antonio, and a mom was going through something similar except they would make rude comments about how disgusting it was to be bf etc, right in front of her So I post d thi . A friend sent it to me a couple of years ago:
Life is a Theater...

Invite your audience carefully. Not everyone is healthy enough to have a front row seat in our lives. There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a Distance. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not going anywhere relationships or friendships.

Observe the relationships around you. Pay attention. Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill?

When you leave certain people do you feel better or do you feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know or appreciate you? The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you....the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.

Remember that the people we hang with will have an impact on both our lives and our income. And so we must be careful to choose the people we hang out with, as well as the information with which we feed our minds. We should not share our dreams with negative people, nor allow them to feed us with negative thoughts.

Who's in your front row?

Hope this helps, good luck
__________________
Laura -globetrottin' mama to my awesome, 7.5 yo daughter and wife to my sweet French hubby
ISO: Littlest Pet Shop - pets and accessories - try me on any you have
sapphos is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-15-2008, 12:45 AM   #7
TieNappyQueen's Avatar
TieNappyQueen
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Just outside of crazy
Posts: 6,475
My Mood:
Re: your friends...

So many great posts here! I have had a friend that is an amazing FRIEND but when it comes to parenting we are not on the same page anymore and we can respect that but at the same time I would rather spend time with my friends that are more like me in which I can confide in them and know that they understand. I still talk to that one girl but we are no where near as close. I have made another friend, she live farthers ( about 35 min) but she is amazing and I love her dearly, she always makes me feel better and agrees with the same things I do, she is a true kindered spirit. I am glad that the old friend is still in my life, on a limited level, but I really need others more like me to surround myslef in.
__________________
Gluten/Dairy Free, breastfeedin', shared sleepin' unschoolin' Mama to two boys with perfect junk Easton( 4/27/05 SPD Hypo and Aspergers) and Junah( 2/18/08 born at home in the tub!)
Check out the blog link above, daily GFCF meals, menu's and shopping lists!! Making GFCF fun, easy, and not like cardboard!
TieNappyQueen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-16-2008, 12:52 PM   #8
naivete's Avatar
naivete
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Calgary, AB
Posts: 4,037
My Mood:
Re: your friends...

I was going to say if you ditch her it won't be over parenting differences but because she's not respecting you. If you really want to hold on to the friendship, just tell her outright, that you don't understand why she's saying such mean things and that if she has differing opinions to keep them to herself because you wouldn't insult her the way she has insulted you, and you expect her to do the same.
naivete is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2018 VIX-WomensForum LLC. All Rights Reserved.