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Old 04-18-2017, 10:56 PM   #1
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Babysitter during small group

So the new small group we are in..... We all decided it will be kid friendly & we will bring our kids & share a babysitter at whoever's house we are at. Well, one of the moms decided her 11 month old wanting to be with her instead of with the babysitter is too distracting, so she will be having her kids stay home with their own babysitter. Which leaves our family and another to split a babysitter. Which makes it significantly more expensive for us (in my eyes). Splitting $16/hr between 2 families instead of 3. And my 19 month old doesn't stay with the sitter unless it's at or house, so only the 3.5 yr old is actually being watched but we could just as easily give him a movie during the meeting and pay $0, but the leaves the other family having to occupy their daughter for the time as well. Their daughter is a month older than D, so 20 months, but both parents work full time so she is used to being babysat by family or at daycare weekdays. After I mentioned that we don't even want or need a sitter if we are the only family using one, the mom that is hiring her own sitter at their house was pretty rude and made comments directed at us about how kids are distracting and we could go on care.com or something to find one (since we don't have a babysitter or family to use as one) to which I replied "no, I wouldn't do that" (to which she waved her hands in front of her and went "whoa" as if I attacked her )
Now our issue is we will be stuck paying a babysitter we don't even want $16 each week just for the sake of being able to bring our kids with us to small group . That really adds up quick and I'm upset about it. I know it's really not a huge deal, we can afford it technically, but I don't see it as a necessity.... Sorry I guess this is a bit of a rant, but it's a being thrifty rant!
What would you guys do?


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Old 04-19-2017, 05:32 AM   #2
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Honestly, I'd probably find another group. My kids go to a sitter/school during the week when we are at work so I hate leaving them for anything else. If I was going to a small group, my kids would have to come and I/DH would monitor them. I guess I don't see the need for a sitter when you are going to be right there.
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Old 04-19-2017, 07:01 AM   #3
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Re: Babysitter during small group

The care.com mom probably felt like you were attacking her parenting or being judgemental. It's ok to parent differently.....but as moms we can be incredibly touchy about it, so I would try to tread softly and give her some grace there.

Since you and the other family are the ones that will actually be paying for the sitter now, talk with her about how she feels about it. Is splitting two ways going to be too much for them? Is having a sitter important to her? Another option would be to invite a family would would love this set up--you could go back to splitting three ways again, or if it's a family that can't/won't pay for a sitter and wouldn't normally come to a group you could just look at the cost as a spiritual investment which should make it easier to swallow.
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Old 04-19-2017, 07:45 AM   #4
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I'm not entirely sure what small group entails, but if it's just an hour or two of discussion among the adults (as opposed to strict praying, involved activities, etc) my kids would be expected to sit with us and occupy themselves or listen quietly to the adults. I have 4 kids, but I would still not hire a sitter for them for the situation I envision you're in. If you and your husband are both in the house, then it seems overboard to hire yet another adult to mind the kids. I think of small group as a more relaxed environment so a participant could easily walk out to handle a fussy child or help with a potty break, etc?

Since it was already agreed to use a sitter, though, I would try to find someone else that isn't $16 an hour! That's a lot for sitting with kids while parents are present. Maybe a teen or tween at your church is looking for experience. I would probably pay $5/hr (maybe $10) for a teen to sit with the kids during a meeting like that. Even if you can technically afford it, it does still add up quickly and you could be putting that money to better use elsewhere.

And I'm not just being cheap not wanting to pay a sitter. I think kids learn to be attentive and engaged by watching how adults interact in situations like this. It's a good learning experience for them.
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Old 04-19-2017, 07:51 AM   #5
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Re: Babysitter during small group

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Originally Posted by kanga1622 View Post
Honestly, I'd probably find another group. My kids go to a sitter/school during the week when we are at work so I hate leaving them for anything else. If I was going to a small group, my kids would have to come and I/DH would monitor them. I guess I don't see the need for a sitter when you are going to be right there.

I agree, It's a little weird to me to pay for a sitter when we are in the same house, but when it was for all the kids together, it seemed ok because they were all playing and becoming friends. Now that it's only 1 extra, it's.... Meh.
We can't really go find another group. This one literally just formed about a month ago & my husband volunteered to be the leader. So we are kinda stuck I feel.


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Old 04-19-2017, 08:07 AM   #6
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Babysitter during small group

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Originally Posted by jen_batten View Post
The care.com mom probably felt like you were attacking her parenting or being judgemental. It's ok to parent differently.....but as moms we can be incredibly touchy about it, so I would try to tread softly and give her some grace there.

Since you and the other family are the ones that will actually be paying for the sitter now, talk with her about how she feels about it. Is splitting two ways going to be too much for them? Is having a sitter important to her? Another option would be to invite a family would would love this set up--you could go back to splitting three ways again, or if it's a family that can't/won't pay for a sitter and wouldn't normally come to a group you could just look at the cost as a spiritual investment which should make it easier to swallow.

I'm sure she did feel attacked. Even though I don't think I used a "tone" as I am known to do when I don't agree. I barely ever even talk there unless I see value in adding to what's going on, so she barely even knows me. Like I said, it's a new group and yesterday was meeting 5. We have also repeatedly told them all how important it is to have a group we can bring our kids to. Maybe she took that as we "need to bring our kids because we have nobody to watch them for us". No. Well, partially.... But I feel they're too young to be left with a non-family member. I know we don't parent the same way; she let her 2.5 yr old bring a bag of gummy candy to the first meeting we had a sitter for "to share with her new friends". Nope. Toddlers and preschoolers do not need straight sugar & food coloring like that. She also looked at me really judgy and like I'm crazy for using cloth diapers.
My husband and I are having a really hard time dealing with her in other aspects as well. She seems to be trying to control the whole group to be how she wants it to be. Like this whole sitter thing. She informed us in the ladies group text that she and her husband decided her kids are too distracting and they're taking the sitter we got for the group for themselves & finding us a new one & also changing the meeting day because of it. She did not discuss it with the group as a whole.
We don't know anyone else at church, so inviting another family wouldn't work. Took long enough as it is for a group with our age group and kids to form. I should ask the other mom. I am curious what her take on the situation is. I don't know why I didn't think of that.
The spiritual investment is kind of how my husband explained it to me too when it first came up last week to make me feel better about it. I still feel silly & like its a waste of money though. Especially since only O is really being babysat unless the meeting is at our house. So it feels like even more of a waste.


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Old 04-19-2017, 08:11 AM   #7
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Re: Babysitter during small group

That is an aggravating situation for sure.

I agree that $16 an hour is way too much for a sitter in the same house. I like the suggestion of finding a young person to watch them for cheaper. $10 an hour split between two families is more reasonable IMO.

Also, Jen's suggestion of inviting more families is a good one.
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Old 04-19-2017, 08:18 AM   #8
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Re: Babysitter during small group

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That is an aggravating situation for sure.

I agree that $16 an hour is way too much for a sitter in the same house. I like the suggestion of finding a young person to watch them for cheaper. $10 an hour split between two families is more reasonable IMO.

Also, Jen's suggestion of inviting more families is a good one.


The one that was charging $15/ that we initially had is a senior in high school, so it's not like they're professional nannies or something. I don't know much about the new one other than they found her through church "so that makes her an ok choice. Don't worry. " ... And what I found weird is that one of the ladies *without kids* was one that "worked really hard with ["care.com mom"] to find a new sitter for the group."

It's already 5 couples, 3 of us have kids so far. So not only do we not know anyone else, also I think adding might make it too many people.


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Old 04-19-2017, 08:19 AM   #9
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Babysitter during small group

Whoops user error post. So I deleted it kinda. I hit quote instead of edit
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Old 04-19-2017, 08:22 AM   #10
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Re: Babysitter during small group

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The one that was charging $15/ that we initially had is a senior in high school, so it's not like they're professional nannies or something. I don't know much about the new one other than they found her through church "so that makes her an ok choice. Don't worry. " ... And what I found weird is that one of the ladies *without kids* was one that "worked really hard with ["care.com mom"] to find a new sitter for the group."

It's already 5 couples, 3 of us have kids so far. So not only do we not know anyone else, also I think adding might make it too many people.


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I wonder if the two women that found this girl are the ones who suggested the pay rate. Why not contact her directly and ask her if she would be willing to take less pay since there are now only 3 children to be watched?

Good point about adding more people. Are there any more young people that you know of that you could ask?
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