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Old 01-20-2013, 02:43 PM   #21
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Re: controling attitude and anger?

Originally Posted by alaskamum View Post
I can relate. I've got an almost 4 year old, a 2 1/2 year old, and a 4 month old.

Sometimes just getting out of the house by myself helps me. It's not easy to do and it doesn't happen often enough, but it helps.

I think part of it is the age. And genetics. And birth order.

I also try to pretend like I'm at work, or like someone is watching me--it helps me to think before I yell. The more I yell the more I get tuned out. Yelling is really ineffective--if it worked I wouldn't have to keep yelling. Plus I just feel worse when I yell, which makes me cranky...

Venting is good too--knowing that other kids are just as difficult as yours is comforting. Kids aren't doing these things to intentionally drive us nuts. Some kids do and some kids don't.

And I pray.

great tip!


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Old 01-20-2013, 03:00 PM   #22
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Re: controling attitude and anger?

Set up a recorder next time to capture what she is doing and what you are doing.

Watch it together and talk about what could be done differently.
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Old 01-20-2013, 03:29 PM   #23
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Re: controling attitude and anger?

Originally Posted by BNC View Post
Gee...i never thought of comforting her! Of course I try to comfort her! I hug her, talk to her, ask her whats wrong, try to offer solutions and suggestions, explain why she cant do XY & Z. But it doesn't work. She doesn't respond. She escalates, and she escalates some more until all I can do is hide. Its that or scream at the top of my lungs, which IMO, is worse.
Sorry!! I was kind of going only by what you said in your initial posts and did not make any kind assumptions! I should follow my instincts to not post in threads like these because I admittedly have no experience with this. Just one easy (so far) kiddo. Apologies again and glad to see some new posts with some ideas for you.
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Old 01-20-2013, 06:03 PM   #24
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Re: controling attitude and anger?

My dd is a month older than your's and while I am not a yeller I've walked way from her screaming her head off more than once.

3 is HARD. Really HARD.

Sometimes we feel like she is the terrorist holding us hostage. I flinch when I see her winding up.

This past week I've been on a 'work to rule' campaign with her. There are rules, there are consequences and there are no exceptions. And she's better.

Her big strategy is temper tantrums when she doesn't get what she wants. she gets one warning and then she gets put in her bed now. Or we leave where ever we are. I tell her that girls who fuss and cry must be tired so it's time for a nap.

Now don't get me wrong, she can still scream her head off for a good 20 minutes, but I just walk away. Afterwards, we have a cuddle and she is starting to be able to talk about why we had to leave the park and what she could do differently next time.

Really, the only thing to be done is to wait for them to outgrow it. 3yr olds tough! I remember this with my first dd as well. But in the mean time, do what you have to do so you can get through it. It will be better when they are older.

A glass of wine takes the edge off too...
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Old 01-20-2013, 08:28 PM   #25
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Re: controling attitude and anger?

Originally Posted by EmilytheStrange View Post
My husband said he now understands the nursery rhyme:

There was a little girl
Who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead

And when she was good,
She was very, very good

And when she was bad,
She was horrid

When he first heard it, he thought it was just stupid.
My mother has said this to me since I can remember. I always thought she made it up!
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Old 01-20-2013, 08:47 PM   #26
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No advice.. We have the SAME exact kiddo. I feel harrassed half the day at best. His wild side turn on when his dad leaves or brother wakes.. He just KNOWS he will not get all the attention he desires then... & even if I try to redirect/play with him right when he hits that level he's gone for a good part of the day; if not the rest of it. He'll goof off & go on a crazy laughing spree & most times the reason I get for those is "because CANDY!!!"
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Old 01-20-2013, 09:51 PM   #27
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Re: controling attitude and anger?

For my 4 year old snuggle time with mommy usually helps, but it doesn't sound like your dd is easily comforted. In the middle of a tantrum I will ask her if she wants to come sit and cuddle with me in the chair. Her mood usually changes unless she is over tired - then it is hopeless. It also doesn't help when we are in the car or running errands. My daughters personality is sooooo different from my two boys. I also used to be a very calm and patient person. Seriously though, after I had my third child my hormones changed and I felt like I would become psycho woman with the yelling. Honestly anxiety/mood stabilizer meds have helped me a ton. If it is what I need to be able to handle my kids more calmly than so be it. I felt like I was being such a bad example for my daughter. Yelling at her not to yell at me- yea that helps!!! Good luck mama and just remember that unless someone has lived your day by day life they really have no idea what you are going through or how tough it really is...... Some people mean the best, but they just have no idea how tough it can get!
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Old 01-21-2013, 08:47 AM   #28
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When my DS was young he was a handful and one day I remember asking him if he wanted a hug we were both feeling so bad! He wanted one and that turned things around for us - simply saying it looks like you could use a hug.

Here is a link to a great thread from 3 years ago that lays out some really great approaches to child discipline and nurturing.

OP I hope you find some ideas to help you back towards the mom you want to be

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Old 01-21-2013, 09:05 AM   #29
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DS1 is very similar. At almost 5, he is getting better. Still a lot of problems. We see a child psychologist. The pedi was no help. DH and I see the psychologist more than him but it helps!
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