Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
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Old 07-05-2012, 09:57 AM   #21
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Re: 3 kids, a mortgage, 8 years later and Happily Un-Married!!!

I know the OP has made her decision as have many of the other posters but here is some good information for others interested in this thread:

"Whether or not you favor marriage as a social institution, there's no denying that it confers many rights, protections, and benefits -- both legal and practical. Some of these vary from state to state, but the list typically includes:
Tax Benefits
Filing joint income tax returns with the IRS and state taxing authorities.
Creating a "family partnership" under federal tax laws, which allows you to divide business income among family members.
Estate Planning Benefits
Inheriting a share of your spouse's estate.
Receiving an exemption from both estate taxes and gift taxes for all property you give or leave to your spouse.
Creating life estate trusts that are restricted to married couples, including QTIP trusts, QDOT trusts, and marital deduction trusts.
Obtaining priority if a conservator needs to be appointed for your spouse -- that is, someone to make financial and/or medical decisions on your spouse's behalf.
Government Benefits
Receiving Social Security, Medicare, and disability benefits for spouses.
Receiving veterans' and military benefits for spouses, such as those for education, medical care, or special loans.
Receiving public assistance benefits.
Employment Benefits
Obtaining insurance benefits through a spouse's employer.
Taking family leave to care for your spouse during an illness.
Receiving wages, workers' compensation, and retirement plan benefits for a deceased spouse.
Taking bereavement leave if your spouse or one of your spouse's close relatives dies.
Medical Benefits
Visiting your spouse in a hospital intensive care unit or during restricted visiting hours in other parts of a medical facility.
Making medical decisions for your spouse if he or she becomes incapacitated and unable to express wishes for treatment.
Death Benefits
Consenting to after-death examinations and procedures.
Making burial or other final arrangements.
Family Benefits
Filing for stepparent or joint adoption.
Applying for joint foster care rights.
Receiving equitable division of property if you divorce.
Receiving spousal or child support, child custody, and visitation if you divorce.
Housing Benefits
Living in neighborhoods zoned for "families only."
Automatically renewing leases signed by your spouse.
Consumer Benefits
Receiving family rates for health, homeowners', auto, and other types of insurance.
Receiving tuition discounts and permission to use school facilities.
Other consumer discounts and incentives offered only to married couples or families.
Other Legal Benefits and Protections
Suing a third person for wrongful death of your spouse and loss of consortium (loss of intimacy).
Suing a third person for offenses that interfere with the success of your marriage, such as alienation of affection and criminal conversation (these laws are available in only a few states).
Claiming the marital communications privilege, which means a court can't force you to disclose the contents of confidential communications between you and your spouse during your marriage.
Receiving crime victims' recovery benefits if your spouse is the victim of a crime.
Obtaining immigration and residency benefits for noncitizen spouse.
Visiting rights in jails and other places where visitors are restricted to immediate family.
Same-Sex Marriage, Civil Unions, and Domestic Partnerships
If you are in a same-sex marriage in one of the states where same-sex marriage is allowed (Connecticut, Iowa, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Vermont, and D.C.), or if you are in a domestic partnership or civil union in any of the states that offer those relationship options, none of the benefits of marriage under federal law will apply to you, because the federal government does not recognize these same-sex relationships. For example, you may not file joint federal income tax returns with your partner, even if your state allows you to file taxes jointly. And other federal benefits, such as Social Security death benefits and COBRA continuation insurance coverage, may not apply."

The above benefits are why everyone is fighting so hard for gay marriage to be legalized.


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Old 07-05-2012, 05:29 PM   #22
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Re: 3 kids, a mortgage, 8 years later and Happily Un-Married!!!

Originally Posted by smplmama View Post
exactly. DH and I are married. we did it for ourselves. it was simple, non-religious, unexpensive and beautiful. annnddd...i dont even know where our marriage certificate is. and my wedding "ring" is a living, breathing horse. lol.
That might be the most expensive ring I've ever heard of I love happy families.
Mama to 2 boys and a girl, married to a big boy, with 2 gerbils a bunch of fish. for my sanity.
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Old 07-05-2012, 05:54 PM   #23
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Re: 3 kids, a mortgage, 8 years later and Happily Un-Married!!!

Originally Posted by songbird516 View Post
Yeah, I agree that being married or not doesn't guarantee happiness. Every relationship takes work. But for me, marriage isn't just a piece of paper, but represents an acknowledgement that our union is approved in God's sight. It's been a lot of work for the past 9 years, but every year our marriage gets better.
If you and your partner had problems, you'd have the same issues as other married couples who have kids and get divorced, but maybe even worse. A coworker of my husband is having problems with his "fiance" of several years. They had a baby last year together and she hasn't taken care of the poor child for more than a few hours since she was born. (I think that she may have had PPD). He has been providing for her, yet she cheats on him with other guys and goes out drinking, while living in the same house with him and their daughter. Maybe they would still be together if they were married, and maybe not. But the problems are the same no matter what.

And lol, I guess I'm out-of-place in this part of the forum; I just saw the subject and decided to respond. It just makes me sad that the marriage arrangement isn't respected as much as it used to be, by married and unmarried people.
Same here I know legally there are benefits to being married. A local woman was happily unmarried with one son. All was great they had a new house and of course a morgage. He died unexpectedly. She told me the details but I don't remember them now. Because they were not married she didn't get survivors benefits and without his income she had to go from part time to full time. To keep a roof over their heads she had to sell her home because she couldn't afford the payments all while dealing with her loss. She told me if only for the legal benifits she wishes she had married him.
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Old 07-07-2012, 02:04 PM   #24
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Re: 3 kids, a mortgage, 8 years later and Happily Un-Married!!!

We saw the same thing happen to DH's great-aunt. She didn't want to get married again at her age (had a horrible, abusive first husband) and all that... but then her SO of 20+ years died and she couldn't make ends meet without his pension Luckily, family stepped in to help her with some of her finances, but she's had to take a reverse mortgage on her house just to maintain her life (she's in her 80s). One little piece of paper could have made all the difference in the world to her. They always joked about "running away" to Vegas...
Carly, momma to Matthew (5/2/05) and Jillian Grace (4/30/08) My Knitting Gallery Open for Customs
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Old 09-28-2012, 07:22 AM   #25
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Re: 3 kids, a mortgage, 8 years later and Happily Un-Married!!!

Congrats to you guys!

We've got a mortgage, 2 dogs, 3 kids, and 9 years (10 in Nov) later still un-married
Jen, mama to Brooke (9/08) Cody (2/10) and Evan (3/12) 
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Old 09-28-2012, 09:57 AM   #26
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Re: 3 kids, a mortgage, 8 years later and Happily Un-Married!!!

We have been living together for 11 1/2 years and have 7 children together. We never got married, but live in a state that recognizes common law. When we were chatting with a lawyer, he mentioned that if we ever decided to separate, we'd have to get legally divorced. We have talked about getting married, but mostly so I'd have the same last name as the children.
Jennifer, homeschooling mom to 7
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Old 09-29-2012, 12:19 AM   #27
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Re: 3 kids, a mortgage, 8 years later and Happily Un-Married!!!

All journeys of love should be celebrated. I believe lots of ladies are defending their marriages because of your tone in the OP. Kind of snobbish, imo. But whatevs. You're probably just excited to proclaim what you did. That's cool. Just don't be surprised when that sort of tone is met with defensive responses, you know?

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Old 09-30-2012, 11:36 AM   #28
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Re: 3 kids, a mortgage, 8 years later and Happily Un-Married!!!

I think everyone should celebrate love in what ever way they see fit! My DH and I had a small family and friends wedding and reception because we wanted to commit to each other with everyone there. It didn't cost a fortune, and boy was it fun! There are definitely some serious benefits to that piece of paper too! Cheaper car insurance, health insurance etc., but you certainly don't have to have it. I'm happy for all happy families, no matter how they are created or live together!
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Old 10-01-2012, 06:58 AM   #29
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Re: 3 kids, a mortgage, 8 years later and Happily Un-Married!!!

This is us too. We just bought our first house this yr!
Mama of 3. 2 girls ('06,'10) 1 boy via med-free VBAC! ('14) Homeschoolin', cloth diaperin', BF'in fam
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