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Old 01-18-2009, 03:08 AM   #1
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encouragement needed

i really don't know which forum this should be in. but it has to do with being a parent, so i'm putting it here. sigh. ok, i hope this doesn't sound like pure whining, but here goes ...

i feel soooo bad about thinking/feeling/admiting/typing this.... but...

i'm having a hard time adjusting to being a mom. i feel soooo alone. i feel like all shadows of who i was, how i looked, what i did, are gone. not to mention certain dreams i had. there's a stranger living in my house - and its me. my body isn't even my own anymore.

has anyone else ever felt this way -insert question mark here, my keyboard is broken- or am i just crazy... -question mark-

i thought life would change, and i looked forward to it, i just didn't expect nothing to stay the same. people treat me sooo differently than they used to. on top of that dh and i have been struggling to figure out our new roles and butting heads over it. it's just so frustrating...

how do i handle it -question mark- -cry- sometimes i just want a hug and yet it seems like theres no one there to give it, ya know.
and i feel sooooo guilty about thinking this stuff, which really prolly just makes it worse. i love my baby so much, it just feels like our two lives aren't meshing very well yet.

i have family around, but if i mentioned anything, the conversation would never get past the judgement in order to find a hug. and i don't have really any 'real life' friends who have kids who could identify with me.

have any of you mamas out there felt this way, or gone thru this stuff.... -question mark-

thanks for reading, if you made it this far.. ;p it got really really long. sorry.

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Old 01-18-2009, 03:24 AM   #2
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Re: encouragement needed

I think all of us have felt this way at some point. Becoming a first time parent is an adjustment. you suddenly don't become your only priority so things change and that includes other relationships, friends, and even the way you look. It is something that is so worthwhile and rewarding though. Even though you feel crappy sometimes, all you have to do is look at your little one and you know it is all worth it. Try to find some time for yourself if you can. If you feel overwhelmed... ask for help. See if you DH can watch the baby so you can do something for yourself. try to find some time to do things to help you feel better and you will find the overwhelmed feeling will start to dwindle down. this is a feelng that has come and gone with me. Yet, i can honestly tell you.. I have NO regrets! Good luck
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Old 01-18-2009, 03:45 AM   #3
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Re: encouragement needed

thanks. i really really really appreciate you writing.
i know it's a process and 'this too shall pass', but that's so hard to remember in the moment of hysterical crying and my poor dh just staring at me with no comprehension of why i'm like this. i try to explain, but he doesn't understand. then i wanna blame him, cuz it's obviously his fault, or else he could have helped... but i know its me and not him, so i try not to think that way. sigh. i've never felt so alone. ever. especially with dh there. we've always seen things so eye-to-eye. until now.
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Old 01-18-2009, 08:26 AM   #4
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Re: encouragement needed

Please see a professional. You so like you may be experiencing post-partum depression. It is more common than many people think. I hope you get the help and support you need.
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Old 01-18-2009, 08:40 AM   #5
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Re: encouragement needed

Oh hugs hugs hugs mama. I felt the same way when dd1 arrived. What made it all worse was the fact that all I've ever wanted to be was a sahm I agree with pp. Please see a professional. I finally went when dd was 7mos old and after having dd2 I realized I should have gone so much sooner. Many mamas feel/felt the way you are feeling now. My thoughts and prayers are with you mama
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Old 01-18-2009, 08:48 AM   #6
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Re: encouragement needed

Having a baby is a HUGE transition! Cut yourself some slack! While I was okay after DS was born, I stopped working while I was pregnant. That was actually harder for me. For so long I had identified myself as a teacher and now what am I? I know I'm a mom, but it's an entirely NEW role for me and it took a while to get used to.

Becoming a mom is just a new title. It shouldn't COMPLETELY change everything about you. Can you get out of the house at all alone? Take a class? Find a new hobby? Get to the gym?
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Old 01-18-2009, 09:00 AM   #7
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Re: encouragement needed

You are not at all alone. I had a rough time after DS was born. I was able to have DH watch DS for a while so I could have a little break. I would have a bubble bath and read for a while. It helped me relax and since I wasn't holding a baby, I felt like I could think on things rationally.

Also, our local hospital has a great support group for PPD. They have a number you can call. I can try to find it for you if you want. I also found this website

http://www.womenshealth.gov/faq/depr...regnancy.cfm#g

I am glad that you talked to us about it.
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Old 01-18-2009, 09:11 AM   #8
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Re: encouragement needed

Don't feel bad about having those thoughts and feelings. Becoming a mom is a huge adjustment and I think that most moms have had similar feelings at some time. I know I struggle with many of those feelings...especially on those really long days. I find it so hard sometimes to see "Me" within the mom I have become. It often feels like there are 2 of me...the "me" that wanted a career, to travel, freedom and the "me" that wanted a family and children. But, as my children get older the two me's are starting to come together again.

I know I have found a lot of support from a New Mom's Group I joined 3 and 1/2 years ago when my DD was born. About 8 of us still get together weekly, the kids play and we rant . I know that there are also playgroups and parents groups organized through the Boys and Girls Club here- not sure about where you live but it is really worth looking into.

I also agree with the PP that some of your feelings could be due to post partum depression. Can you talk to your doctor about this?

Take care mamma
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Old 01-20-2009, 03:46 PM   #9
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Re: encouragement needed

Thank you, mamas! It helps just being able to read your posts and know I'm not the only one.

ttachuk - I KNOW what you mean about the two "me's". It seems like they are running in opposite directions and I'm being torn in two! I used to think (wrongly, maybe) that after a baby your life could carry on in sorta the same direction as before, with some alterations of course, but it's SO different. At times it's really more the way the world and other people treat me that feels so limiting.

sigh. anyway, Thank you so much for the encouragement!! (and the website!)

Last edited by Sakari; 01-20-2009 at 03:47 PM.
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