Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 02-07-2013, 11:53 AM   #1
mistylynn313's Avatar
mistylynn313
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 1,368
My Mood:
How do I politely decline a family's childcare offer?

I am headed back to work in just under 6 weeks and DH and I decided to hire a part-time nanny to watch the kids an average of two days (about 20 hrs) a week. I work part-time 12 hr night shifts, so I'll need someone to watch the girls in our home while I sleep. My sister and I were talking about daycare/childcare and she asked me what we were going to do, so I told her and that we would pay about $220/week. This morning she asked me if her husband could be our "nanny" so he can earn money and they wouldn't have to pay for daycare. Their in-home daycare closed unexpectedly and they're having trouble finding affordable daycare. They found one place but its in the next suburb and the daycare won't be able to take their daughter to preschool in the fall. I don't want him to do our child care for a number of reasons:

1. When their daughter (who is the same age as older DD) was a baby he was unemployed and stayed home with her while my sister worked and went to school full time. Their daughter was in the swing constantly because "its the only way she's happy". They actually burned out the motor on a brand new swing! When she was a little older she sat in the jumperoo for hours on end. She was in it so much that when she was out of the jumperoo, her shoulders actually arched backward like the did when she was in it (because of the location of the toys). He played video games while she sat there. My sister caught wind of this and got rid of the jumperoo and it took a few months before her muscles/shoulders actually went back to a "normal" position.

2. He has a pretty crappy job history. He has a job right now and he's had it for almost a year. The longest he's held a job in the 5 yrs they've been together. He always finds one reason or another to quit his jobs and then can't find another job for months and months. I don't want to give him an excuse to quit his job.

3. They want us to pay him the same as we'd pay someone who was not bringing their own kid along. Yet they asked us to watch their daughter full time for free until they can find a new daycare while I'm on maternity leave.

I love my sister and her husband, but I don't trust him to watch my girls, especially the baby. How do I tell her/them that we want to go with someone else and not ruin our relationship? I'm not the most tactful person so I would love some advice on this!

Edited to add: They both have jobs that pay $10-11/hr and both work full time (although he typically calls in sick once a week or so).
__________________
Misty, NICU nurse, wife to Mr. Fix-it and mama to two redheaded beauties!

Last edited by mistylynn313; 02-07-2013 at 12:01 PM.
mistylynn313 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-07-2013, 11:57 AM   #2
luvsviola's Avatar
luvsviola
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Central Indiana
Posts: 17,103
My Mood:
Re: How do I politely decline a family's childcare offer?

I would just tell her that you are grateful for his offer, but right now, you'd rather have kiddo closer to work so that you can go nurse at lunch.
__________________
Kristen
Middle school teacher by day, super mom by night
Mommy to The Boss~2007, The Energizer Bunny~2009, and The Princess~2011
My kids are no longer in diapers, but somehow, my computer keeps finding its way back here...
luvsviola is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-07-2013, 12:00 PM   #3
mistylynn313's Avatar
mistylynn313
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 1,368
My Mood:
Re: How do I politely decline a family's childcare offer?

Quote:
Originally Posted by luvsviola View Post
I would just tell her that you are grateful for his offer, but right now, you'd rather have kiddo closer to work so that you can go nurse at lunch.
I work nights, so the childcare would be upstairs in my home while I'm sleeping in a basement bedroom...
__________________
Misty, NICU nurse, wife to Mr. Fix-it and mama to two redheaded beauties!
mistylynn313 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-07-2013, 12:02 PM   #4
myoo
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 800
My Mood:
Re: How do I politely decline a family's childcare offer?

Tell her that you are so appreciative of her offer and have given it a lot of thought, but think it is not the best idea to mix business and famiy by hiring a family member as your nanny. Say that others you have talked to have warned that it can put a strain on the family relationships if any isses were to arise with the care of the children, and you love her and her husband so much that you don't want to risk that happening. Reiterate how it was so so nice of her husband to be willing to do it.

And $220 a week for 20 hours seems like a lot! But I don't really know the going rate for a nanny.
__________________
Proud mom to a perfect little boy born 3/16/11 and a precious baby boy born 4/24/14
myoo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-08-2013, 09:19 AM   #5
poohbear1208's Avatar
poohbear1208
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 319
Quote:
Originally Posted by myoo
Tell her that you are so appreciative of her offer and have given it a lot of thought, but think it is not the best idea to mix business and famiy by hiring a family member as your nanny. Say that others you have talked to have warned that it can put a strain on the family relationships if any isses were to arise with the care of the children, and you love her and her husband so much that you don't want to risk that happening. Reiterate how it was so so nice of her husband to be willing to do it.
Exactly this. Mixing business with family is never a good idea. We learned that the hard way using a close family friend as our realtor You shouldn't need any other explanation than that. It's truthful without being hurtful.......
poohbear1208 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-07-2013, 12:03 PM   #6
NYCVeg
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 205
Re: How do I politely decline a family's childcare offer?

I would just say that you appreciate the offer, but you are not comfortable mixing business and family.
NYCVeg is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-07-2013, 12:06 PM   #7
mommabritt's Avatar
mommabritt
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Currently MO; but wherever the Marines send us. SoCal at heart.
Posts: 9,876
My Mood:
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYCVeg
I would just say that you appreciate the offer, but you are not comfortable mixing business and family.
This.
__________________
Hi, I'm Brittney
Wife to one amazing man.
Mom to FOUR amazing blessings.

***IDSO Salt Water Sandals- White, Toddler 7***
mommabritt is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-07-2013, 12:05 PM   #8
qsefthuko's Avatar
qsefthuko
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 18,668
Re: How do I politely decline a family's childcare offer?

I would just say you need to hire a nanny that will be in it long term and is flexible. You would feel so guilty if his caring for your child cost him his job.
qsefthuko is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-07-2013, 12:07 PM   #9
Huxley's Avatar
Huxley
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Ontario
Posts: 1,894
My Mood:
Re: How do I politely decline a family's childcare offer?

I would tell her you already hired your nanny and cannot change the plans this far into the game.
__________________
Single mama to my sweet little girl [03/27/2012]
Huxley is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-07-2013, 01:04 PM   #10
Kiliki's Avatar
Kiliki
Registered Users
Formerly: kr***y
seller
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 9,397
Re: How do I politely decline a family's childcare offer?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Huxley View Post
I would tell her you already hired your nanny and cannot change the plans this far into the game.
This.

Tell your sister you need to think about it.

Then sit for 5 minutes and think about it,

Then call the nanny do whatever you have to do to hire her. Fill out the paperwork, etc.

Then call your sister and say, "Ya know sis, Thanks SO MUCH for offering to let your DH watch my kids. It means so much to me! But I already did the paperwork and hired the Nanny and at this point I have a contract with her. Plus, I think it will work out better for us both to not mix business and family... that can sometimes be disastrous, ya know? But, man, oh man, you guys are just so great for even offering. I love you guys so much! It means a whole lot to me that you would even offer that! ... Our new nanny starts next week. I like her so much.... BLAH BLAH BLAH"

Just don't even give her a chance to say "WHAT?! WHY!?" etc. Just keep talking and stay upbeat and quickly change the subject to something else she can comment on. Keep the convo flowing, and it will just go right on by.

If she brings it up later, just stay positive, and repeat how THANKFUL you are that she is such a nice person to even think of you, gosh you are just so grateful to have such an awesome sister, but it just would not have been for the best.... and again, change the subject.
Kiliki is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2018 VIX-WomensForum LLC. All Rights Reserved.