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Old 04-21-2014, 10:42 PM   #11
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I was three months pregnant when my sister lost her infant; he only lived three days. She didn't come to either of my baby showers, she knew there would be waterworks and didn't want to bring down the mood of the shower. I completely understood, although I was sad she wasn't there. We are very close and she communicated with me about how she felt. She did, however, come to a small blessingway we did with close girlfriends and there were tears but it was very healing for both of us


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Old 06-05-2014, 10:57 PM   #12
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Re: WWYD RE Baby Shower

First of all, I'm so sorry for your losses. I had lost a girl last July and a boy in April.
I am sorry that your mother and sister don't understand that this is difficult for you. It's different for everyone I guess. My close friend didn't grieve for her MCs the same way that I did with the babies I lost. It was difficult for her to understand that I was completely shocked and devastated and upset about them. She never asked me how I felt when it happened. She just asked how the bleeding and physical recovery was going and was surprised that I had the bodies buried and people were sending me sympathy cards. She basically just said, Bummer. The bleeding sucks. To me her words were pretty cold, but I guess she just saw it in a different way than I did.
Normally I'd say always attend a celebration for a family member but in this case, it's kind of unfair to you that you are being pushed in to this. I think it's wrong that nobody is considering your feelings instead are trying to make you feel guilty for not feeling up to going. Having a miscarriage is hard. Having 2 in a row is really hard. Having 2 in a row and then having to go to your sister's baby shower for baby that was due around the same time that yours would have been is PAINFUL and and I don't get why everyone else can't see that!
For the poster that asked if you should be punishing your sister this way and aren't you happy that she's having a baby: This isn't about trying to punish someone. And of course she's happy for her sister! There seems to be some terrible misunderstanding here. People that have lost babies aren't avoiding moms with new babies because they are just jealous and hate them or because they want to snub them or be spiteful. It's because their HEART ACHES when they see a mama holding a healthy newborn and they didn't get a chance to do that. They will never "get over it", but they will heal and move on at their own pace.

Mother to 5 girls : R (9yrs), H (7yrs), P (5yrs), V (2yrs), P (newborn), and a boy & girl in Heaven.
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Old 06-05-2014, 11:21 PM   #13
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Re: WWYD RE Baby Shower

I wouldn't go if it felt triggering. Which I'm assuming it is if you're posting. You're in charge of your feelings, and protecting them is part of that. If you wake up the day of the shower and feel you can go, then go. If not, do not. Say you didn't feel well and leave it at that with no apologies.
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Old 06-06-2014, 11:24 AM   #14
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Re: WWYD RE Baby Shower

Just to update, I ended up going and I did well being the big sister. I was upset and glad when it was over. Mostly, it was ridiculous over done and more social than intimate anyway. She had the baby early, he is fine but small and she is having issues with nursing. She calls me often for advice but I still haven't seen him. We are going Monday, he will be a month old and I am still not sure if I will be able to hold him and not get emotional. We will see what happens. Thanks again ladies!
Polly, mama to dd (18), ds (16), dd (9), dd (7), ds (4) and ds (3)
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Old 06-06-2014, 11:33 AM   #15
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Re: WWYD RE Baby Shower

I was talking to my good friend about this, she had two miscarriages and both times got Prego at the same time as two of her sisters. So she has a niece and nephew the age that her first baby would have been and a niece the same age that her second baby would have been. She said it was hard to get involved with her nieces and nephew but once she did it felt very healing. It took a lot of time, patience and prayer though.

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"Everybody is a genius, but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid" -A. Einstein
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