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Old 04-08-2010, 09:15 AM   #11
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Re: I REALLY need advice mommas...long

yep i agree with the other moms id let them know. I would want to know bc it would be a good teaching exp about teaching them about their "privates". You did an awsome job mama

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Old 04-08-2010, 10:01 AM   #12
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Re: I REALLY need advice mommas...long

OK mommas...I talked with DS some more this morning, just to get all of the details correct. Turns out that DS had to go to the bathroom, so they all went into the restroom with him. Right when they entered, D dropped his pants to show his penis. They thought it was funny, so they all dropped their pants, and started showing off their units. THEN, D asked the boys if they wanted to touch his penis. DS said they all did, but that it was for a split second (he demonstrated it for me) with their index finger. DS said that nobody else touched penises...they all just touched D's, and that was it. I am totally concerned for this boy. Here is the email I sent to M's mom. She is the only momma I have an email for at the moment, as our kids hit it off the moment they made eye contact. They are two peas in a pod. Anyhoo, here it is.
-----------------------------

Hey (M's mom)

I wanted to bring something to your attention that happened between the boys yesterday. I had to sleep on this, because I wasn't sure how to approach it. Kai asked me a curious question on the way home yesterday, and it caught my attention, because it was an odd question. He asked me if I knew what the red part on his penis was called. I couldn't think of a red part, so I said, "I don't know, you tell me what it's called." He said that it's called "the bubble". I then asked him to tell me exactly what he was talking about. He said that when he pulls back his skin (he's not circumcised) the part under the skin is red. So, I told him that that part is called the "glans" or the "head". I asked him who told him it was called the bubble, and he said 'I' told him. I realized at that moment, that OUR boys were the ones that were congregating in the bathroom. I think it was D's mom that came up and said something about some kids playing in the bathroom....I just didn't realize it was M, Kai, I and D. So, anyhow, I started asking questions, and found out that they were all showing each other their penises. I KNOW this is what kids do. My girlfriends and I did it when we were kids, and my husband said he and his friends did it when they were kids. I told Kai that it was best to keep the genitals private. Reason being, that physical boundaries are important, and that they don't want to find themselves in an awkward situation.

So, then as we were talking more about what went on, it came out that there was some penis touching. This is the part that REALLY concerns me. It all started with Kai needing to use the bathroom, so they all went together. One kid dropped his pants when they got into the bathroom, and they all thought it was funny, so they all dropped their pants and compared their units. Then, the same kid that dropped his pants first, asked the boys if they wanted to touch his penis. Kai said they all touched his penis for less than a second. Kai demonstrated with his index finger a quick touch. This is my biggest concern, because I was sexually abused as a child. This is something I'm hyper sensitive to, and this is a classic indication of a child that has been touched before.

Now, just so you know, it wasn't M that initiated the shinanigans. I wanted to alert you, and I and D's mom about this, because I think it's a teachable moment...a very important one. I'm not sure if M came out and told you about what happened in the bathroom. But, I do know that if the tables were turned, I would want to know what happened. I'm not sure how you want to approach this with M. I just talked to Kai about physical boundaries, and their importance. I let him know that curiosity is natural, and that there is no shame in that curiosity...just that from now on, he needs to keep that area private. If you would like to talk about this, please feel free to call me. I was wondering too, if you could forward I and D's mom's email addresses to me, so I can let them know what went down. Perhaps we can all have a talk together? I don't know, what do you think? I'm just most concerned about the boy who initiated the touching. I would HATE to think he was touched by an adult, and is acting on that. His mom needs to know, just in case. My hope is that it was just his own curiosity.


Warmest Regards,
Angie

What do you all think about my email? I was trying to be very careful with my words, and I didn't want to mention to her, who it was that initiated the whole thing. I figure I will let his mom open up about it if she chooses. UGH...this is all a bit overwhelming. It strikes such a sensitive nerve in me. I expected this to come up at some point, I guess I just hoped that it would never some up. Reality bites!
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Old 04-08-2010, 10:16 AM   #13
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Re: I REALLY need advice mommas...long

Your letter is wonderfully tactful and I think you expressed yourself very well.

My DS is nearly 8 and I can totally see him and some of his friends doing something similar. I could even guess which one of his friends would be likely to instigate that sort of thing just based on his personality, general openness about things, and his love of being the comic. Boys can just be so goofy with each other. (And I say that with MUCH love!)

I think I may take a few minutes this afternoon and remind my own DS about boundaries and how curiosity is natural, etc. It's good for me to touch base with him on these things and I don't always think to do it.
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Old 04-08-2010, 10:23 AM   #14
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Re: I REALLY need advice mommas...long

well said in your email. I hope you get a positive response for your sake and for the boys sake!
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Old 04-08-2010, 10:35 AM   #15
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Re: I REALLY need advice mommas...long

I think your letter was perfect. I have boys that are a year apart, and now that my 3 y.o is PL'ing, they think body parts/functions are soooo funny. However, there was a lot of sexual abuse during my childhood, and so I am highly sensitive to this too. I know my boys were never abused b/c they have never stayed with anyone but me and dh, so I know it is probably normal, but it is hard to know what is normal when you do not have a normal uprbringing to compare it too. Growing up a friend and cousin and I did things like this. I don't know if it was normal or b/c of the sexual abuse that started at a very young age. It bothers me so much though! I think your concern of the little boy is a perfect response, and who knows how the parents will take it, but hopefully they will look into it to make sure no abuse is occuring. I only wish that had happened in my family. I also think for the other kids involved it is a great learning experience in boundries, which is so important (another thing that was never taught in my home). I hope it all winds up being mere curiousity, but if not, it is good that attention is being brought to it.
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Old 04-08-2010, 03:17 PM   #16
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Re: I REALLY need advice mommas...long

Okay. Knowing how old they're solidifies for me how normal this is. Much younger, I would suspect abuse for sure. Much older, I would think either abuse or sexual experimentation issues. But this is definitely the age boys are just like that. There is certainly still cause for concern, especially for D, but maybe not quite as much as there might be otherwise?
Great email. If I were in this situation, I would hope the other mom(s) would be like you, and handle it with such grace.
Good luck! I hope this ends up being used for good for all the boys.
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Old 04-08-2010, 03:20 PM   #17
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Re: I REALLY need advice mommas...long

Yep. tell em. Sorry you are having a hard time! Good luck!
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Old 04-08-2010, 08:12 PM   #18
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Re: I REALLY need advice mommas...long

Your email was great. I know this is sensitive subject for you. It is still very possible that it was all just boys being boys and none have been touched. I hope that is the case obviously! I was never molested or sexually abused and was the instigator in many show me yours/mine and lets touch them experiences as a kid. Guess some of us are just more curious??
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Old 04-08-2010, 09:21 PM   #19
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Old 04-08-2010, 09:23 PM   #20
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