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Old 02-08-2012, 12:03 PM   #1
fulloflove2
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Need help with Mother in law

I have been with my hubby for 20 years and married for 17. My MIL is horrible. She has done nothing but try to split us up and cause problems all these years. We have a 13 year old child that she has never had anything to do with. She would only darken our door step maybe twice a year. Now since Ive had the twins she is all of a sudden trying to be nice. She only works 3 days a week but she chooses to pop up every Saturday night at 8:00. I feel like night time is very hectic for us with baths and supper and trying to get them to bed. I feel like she doesnt respect our time. Saturday nights are the only night my husband and I get together because he doesnt have to work on Sundays. I have spoke to my husband about this and he gets mad at me. Its really sad, he is just so happy his mom is having something to do with our babies. Im trying hard to like her but it is so hard when I cant forget all the evil things she has done to me. I dread Saturday nights now.

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Old 02-08-2012, 12:11 PM   #2
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Re: Need help with Mother in law

Can you try to talk to her? Tell her that you would love her company on a fri afternoon or something like that? I know it wouldn't be true...but if she is trying to be involved with the kids that is better than nothing and then you are making a good middle ground. She gets to see the kids, the kids see her, DH will be happy because she is involved and you don't have to deal with her at stressful times when you are already not on good terms with her which would only hurt your relationship more.
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Old 02-08-2012, 02:00 PM   #3
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Re: Need help with Mother in law

If DH isn't onboard you're frankly probably SOL... he needs to be on your side or she'll just go around you to him.

Maybe approach him as that you love his mom wants to be involved with the babies, but you feel that Saturday night is your special time with him, so you'd really like it if she could find another time to come over... ??
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Old 02-08-2012, 02:26 PM   #4
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Re: Need help with Mother in law

Hi there fulloflove2!

I am sorry that you are having this tough issue.

My parents were nasty to my now husband and we thought they were going to have no involvement in our children's lives, well my parents were at the hospital a few hours after my oldest was born and now they live around the block, we see them frequently. This is totally not what we planned but I am also thrilled that they are in our lives even though they were rude to DH and have never apologized for what they did. Many in-laws suddenly want to be involved when the grandkids come along. Even though MIL was evil w/ you I would urge you to try to see the benefits for your twins to have an involved relative who you don't know how much longer she will be around.

As for Saturday nights not working out. Try to think of a good day that she can come over and visit when the whole family is over. Another idea is to let her help out w/ all the night time stuff. I am sure she would love to help out w/ feeding the twins and giving them a bath. Maybe eventually you will feel comfortable to leave MIL w/ the twins so you and DH can go out.

Best wishes and I hope the situation gets better.
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Old 02-08-2012, 03:18 PM   #5
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My MIL is troubled. We used to allow her to take our daughter for sleepovers but that had to end. I hate her. Used to be she could do whatever but then she hurt my daughter's heart and now I see red when she's around. Anyway, when she comes to visit our daughter I let them be. She's not coming to see me, so my husband and I use that time for ourselves and our son. Frankly, she wouldn't be welcomed except Gigi is now very attached to her and I don't want her to feel any further hurt. I don't want her hooks in my son though.

Point is, use it as a little break. Don't treat her like company, treat her like help.
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Old 02-08-2012, 05:55 PM   #6
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Re: Need help with Mother in law

Quote:
Originally Posted by mibarra View Post
If DH isn't onboard you're frankly probably SOL... he needs to be on your side or she'll just go around you to him.

Maybe approach him as that you love his mom wants to be involved with the babies, but you feel that Saturday night is your special time with him, so you'd really like it if she could find another time to come over... ??
This is probably one of the best solutions for you. I have a great MIL, who does happen to get on my nerves (and my husbands) but he is very open to her about it. He'll flat out tell her if she is overstepping. Their relationship is amazing and she listens without getting mad, changing something if necessary.

Instead of complaining to your husband, maybe ask if he would be open to switching the day/time she comes over? That you would love to have Sunday lunches with her or something, instead of Saturday nights. Or try to plan something you know he would love to do, like a date night, and she can babysit?

Good luck,
Brianne
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Old 02-09-2012, 06:30 AM   #7
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Uhg mother in laws! I cannot stand mine! We moved her into our home after DD was born because she was having health issues we ended up moving her butt out a few months later. Luckily she doesn't have the means to visit us and my kids don't like her so they don't miss her. My mom on the other hand my kids LOVE to death but she is also not to be trusted with the kids alone, she treats ODS less good (I don't know if that is proper but whatever) then she treats my other to, I think it Is because he is my step son! So we don't allow her to have the kids when we cannot make sure she is loving them all. I know that helps you no e but you are not alone some MILs just suck!

As for your situation I would aske her to come a different day/time. Tell her you want to put the kids to bed at that time and she can spend more time if she comes a different day. Just be mice and lie lol.
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Old 02-09-2012, 07:49 AM   #8
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I could have written a similar post. My MIL is retired and lives 30 minutes away but will only come up during the weekend when we have a million things to do plus try to have some family time. She always makes herself a guest and doesn't do anything to help so it becomes a real big hassle to have her over. Lately, I just started to take off to run my own errands or do my own thing since it is HIS mother (he does the same thing to me when my own mom visits but she's actually helpful so DH takes it as an opportunity to get a few things done). I think DH finally recognized the difference and hates that I leave him to contend with his mom and the kids.

DH is going to be gone on another business trip at end of the month. I suggested to him that perhaps we can have dinner with her during the week (he works about ten minutes away from her) so that we can have our time together this weekend before he leaves. He finally agreed that she needs to be more flexible and is going to talk her about other ways she can visit or we can visit her.

I think if you approach the topic my telling him how important your family time is to you and offer some sort of solution for her to visit, you can hopefully get your DH on board with you and have him talk to his mom.
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Old 02-09-2012, 09:41 AM   #9
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Re: Need help with Mother in law

I think the only thing you can do (since dh is happy about her new involvement) is use it to your advantage. Leave her to spend time with and care for the kids, and take a drive or go out on a date with dh. She gets time with the kids, you get time with dh and don't have to spend time with her. Perfect! (you can even take your 13 year old with you if he/she doesn't want to stay)
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Old 02-09-2012, 10:49 AM   #10
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Re: Need help with Mother in law

Well... is she actually coming over and HELPING with the babies, or just wants to play/cuddle/etc? If she's actually helping... I would start calling her to come over Saturday afternoon "because it is so hectic and I could really use your help/expertise/etc." Then maybe it actually will be helpful, and maybe she'll be so tired by evening that she'll go home
If she's just hanging out, I would seriously just ignore her. Do exactly what you would have done had she not been there. Have leftovers or something she doesn't like for dinner. Take the twins "upstairs for their bath" and don't bring them back to her (just stay in a different room and play or something). And then suggest, "gee they were so funny this afternoon when they woke up from their nap. I wish you could be here at lunch. etc."
It really stinks that DH is not on board with your feelings. Any way you can have him change his views? Withhold DTD Sat nights because "I am so angry at your mom" or something? I hate to suggest it but it DOES occasionally motivate...
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