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Old 05-16-2014, 03:34 PM   #1
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New relationship - didnt expect anything serious so soon

I was married, well still am on paper, for almost 11 years when I decided to separate from my still husband (will call him ex). He had issues with lying, spending money he didn't have (put family in debt thousands and thousands of dollars), cheating (found out at the end of our relationship and that was the final straw). We went through counseling and I begged and begged but things never changed. There was so much going on in our relationship that took my love away from him. In the end, we are very different and incompatible. Opposites in so many ways. Last year in February, I decided to visit my family for several months with my daughter. No one spoke it out but we both new somewhere deep inside that it was the end of our marriage. I debated on not coming back but decided to give it a final shot. When I returned five months later, it was clear that things won't work. I found out that he cheated and his lies were worst ever. I spoke up and officially separated not even a month after my return. We are friends and both recognize that we are too incompatible. We'll be filing for divorce next month.

We still lived together (slept separately) when both of us started dating again. He started casually dating about two weeks following the "official" separation. I met a man about 2.5 months later. I didn't plan on anything serious too soon but I knew that I would fall for this guy if I kept seeing him. And I did. We are very compatible. Our views concerning life and our characters are very alike. The relationship is going very well and we've now been together for 6 months. We see each other on a daily basis with sleepovers (ex and I no longer life together). We practically life together. He knows my daughter and they get along very well. While she does have a relationship with her dad, my boyfriend became a father figure for her. He's been very supportive with the whole situation and while I went to school to take on a new career (had to give up my previous one due to the situation). I'm very happy and would like for things to progress but I'm scared. I gave up so much for my last marriage. I'm afraid that things will end up the same with this relationship. He knows about my feelings but still suggested that DD and I move in in July. I have fears and so many things are going through my mind. Are there any moms out there who were in a similar situation? How soon after your relationship ended did you start something serious?

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Old 05-27-2014, 02:59 PM   #2
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Re: New relationship - didnt expect anything serious so soon

Why not wait until your divorce is final? Could your living situation affect the divorce or custody? Take things slow. If it's meant to be, waiting a while won't change anything.
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Old 05-28-2014, 03:33 PM   #3
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Re: New relationship - didnt expect anything serious so soon

i think its too soon but I am speaking from experience. if you feel scared, dont do it.
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Old 05-28-2014, 04:38 PM   #4
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Re: New relationship - didnt expect anything serious so soon

Sometimes things just happen quickly. For instance I met dh and a week later I left my husband of 11 years and moved in. Its been 5.5 years of amazing. If you are scared then perhaps thats a sign to slow down. It's not like you have to move in together or anything

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Old 05-29-2014, 08:06 AM   #5
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I was scared that history would repeat itself but at the same time, I know that you can't and shouldn't compare one relationship with the other one. When I met ex, we we're kids (19 & 20). We got married 5 months later. There were red flags in the beginning already but I still went for it (that was a mistake right there). I'm in my 30s now. I'm not a child anymore. He isn't a child anymore. There are no red flags. I don't plan getting married anytime soon. I don't really have anything to lose.
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Old 07-26-2015, 10:21 PM   #6
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Re: New relationship - didnt expect anything serious so soon

My boyfriend and I have only known each other for less than a year. When I met him he was married (still is on paper) and left his wife because their marriage hadn't been working for a while. He moved in with me and things went great but there was a lost of his past that needed loose ends tied up so he felt like he wasn't good enough for me and left, a few months later he called to apologize for everything and said he was working on getting everything cleaned up, we decided to be friends at first which quickly moved into us getting back together and then a couple weeks ago he decided that he would go clear up some legal things. I found out a couple days ago that I was pregnant while we were on the phone and we are both so excited. His divorce is in the works, they are just waiting on paperwork. I think you just do whatever feels right for you and your daughter. Life will fall right into place!
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Old 07-26-2015, 10:40 PM   #7
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Re: New relationship - didnt expect anything serious so soon

I was in a shorter relationship than you, but here goes. I had been seeing J for about 6 months. We both worked full-time, so we really only usually saw each other late in the evening. We never talked about being exclusive, but we also had no time to see other people. Anyways, after 6 months, I got pregnant with my first daughter. He told me it couldn't possibly be his and I needed to get an abortion. Needless to say, we split up.
I moved home to live with my mom. Met DH when I was 3.5 months along. We moved in together when I was 5 months along. Things haven't been perfect (nothing ever is!), but I wouldn't trade him for the world. On Aug. 5, we will have been married for 5 years.
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Old 09-22-2015, 01:12 PM   #8
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Re: New relationship - didnt expect anything serious so soon

I started something 2 months after my husband of 10 years and father to our two boys separated. I thought it would be a fling but 4 years later we are still together, my youngest was 6 months when we got together and he has never known a different situation. He has his dad and his Justin who is as much a dad as anyone. So yes it can work out.
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