Am I expecting to much

[upstategirl]

So, my son has been using the potty for about a year now. Though, only when naked. If he is wearing something diapers or underwear he pees and poops in them. He will be four in Oct. I'm so frustrated. He knows when he has to go, which is why it drives me crazy when he goes. I'm so sick and tired of cleaning him up when he poops. Lately he has been eating a lot of fruit so he poops are not solid. We have tried a reward chart and that doesn't work. I just took away his stars he earned because he peed in his underwear. Which I feel in wrong but, I'm all out of things to try. I have a almost four month old so I know that he is doing it to get attention but, I'm just worn out and fed up with it. He starts Pre-K this Sept but, if he is not potty trained they won't take him. So, am I expecting to much from him. It's not like he doesn't know when he has to go, he does. He just chooses to go in his pants.

[blossomgoat]

I'm pretty worn out with this kid, too. She has been trained, twice now. the first time, it lasted 2 weeks. The second time it lasted almost 4 weeks and was starting to be both day and night dry. It's been a month since she stared this new regression and it's only getting worse. I just dropped $160 on new trainers bec we had sold ours after she was dry for almost a month. Grrrrr.

We've tried rewards for every trip to the potty, rewards for dry days, reminding her, demanding that she go, going with lighter non-waterproof trainers so there will be a mental jump, going with heavy trainers and letting her take the lead, and just about everything else I can think of. I've removed reward activities bec kids with wet undies can't do whatever the activity is. It just doesn't seem to matter. I'm about to the point where I want to take a couple of days and plan to not go ANYWHERE or do ANYTHING unless she complies... but how can you force the issue? Really?

Sorry to hijack, but you're not alone!

[doulamomma]

do you help him clean up after an accident? sounds like hes just doing what is easier. I would make him clean up completely on his own. change his own clothes, put them in the laundry, clean up the floor, etc. hopefully it will be such a pain and a disruption to his play that he will decide it's easier to just go in the potty.

[EmilytheStrange]

Originally Posted by doulamomma do you help him clean up after an accident? sounds like hes just doing what is easier. I would make him clean up completely on his own. change his own clothes, put them in the laundry, clean up the floor, etc. hopefully it will be such a pain and a disruption to his play that he will decide it's easier to just go in the potty.

I have read this advice in SO many books.

they will figure out that it takes less effort to go properly than to clean it up.

you have to try really hard not to make it a power struggle, because they will sense it and they will win every time. There's just not that much in their control and so they control what they want. With this in mind, you can try to reduce his need to control this by allowing him to control other things. Choosing the dinner items, etc. Try to find ways to give him control in things that aren't going to make a difference so that he relinquishes some control in the potty department.

I'm just getting ready to potty train, so I don't have any practical advice, but if I were in your shoes, I think that's what I would try.

I am so scared of this. Parenting is not for the weak.

[Hum Bums]

Originally Posted by blossomgoat I'm pretty worn out with this kid, too. She has been trained, twice now. the first time, it lasted 2 weeks. The second time it lasted almost 4 weeks and was starting to be both day and night dry. It's been a month since she stared this new regression and it's only getting worse. I just dropped $160 on new trainers bec we had sold ours after she was dry for almost a month. Grrrrr. We've tried rewards for every trip to the potty, rewards for dry days, reminding her, demanding that she go, going with lighter non-waterproof trainers so there will be a mental jump, going with heavy trainers and letting her take the lead, and just about everything else I can think of. I've removed reward activities bec kids with wet undies can't do whatever the activity is. It just doesn't seem to matter. I'm about to the point where I want to take a couple of days and plan to not go ANYWHERE or do ANYTHING unless she complies... but how can you force the issue? Really? Sorry to hijack, but you're not alone!

Just my but I have heard a lot of places that children are not technically considered potty trained till there are no accidents for 6 months. DD has been going for about 2 weeks now but I still have all her trainers and diapers on hand just in case.

[Hum Bums]

OP, I really don't think you are asking too much. My ODD just turned 2 at the begining of this month and after two weeks on the potty, she knows how to pull her own undies down and I didn't even have to help show her how. I don't think its unreasonable to expect a 4 y/o to pull down his own pants/underwear to go potty.
I agree with the poster that said you should have him clean it up. Obviously with some direction on your part but he will be doing the heavy lifting