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Old 12-26-2017, 10:42 PM   #1
AmandaRenee's Avatar
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TTC with an older SO -- experiences??

Hi ladies!! It's been ages since I've been on here, but lately I've been missing the comradeship of such a large forum of people who have "been there, done that" when it comes to family problems.

I'll try to keep it short (but I'm a talker so bear with me), as I'm really hoping to find some ladies who have been in the position I'm in, and can share their experiences with what they did, and how the coped.

I'm 28, and have 7-y-o DS from my first marriage. I've been separated for over 5 years, and for the longest time felt that I'd never remarry, and was ABSOLUTELY against having any more children. Until, of course, the man of my dreams walked in to my life this past summer; my SO felt the same way, as he didn't want any more kids when we met either. Now he's moved in with me, is wonderful with my son, and honestly most of the time I feel like I'm living in a romance novel, life is so good. We hope to be engaged by Easter, and are planning a fall '18 wedding...I honestly cannot wait to be married to him. Having a spouse meant little to me for so very long, but being with the right man has changed my perspective on so many levels, and everything seems to mean so much more than it ever did before. I've always believed in soulmates, but never expected I'd be lucky enough to meet mine.

Here's the little issue we've hit...for the past month or two, we've both been grappling with our "no kids" decision. I have an IUD, so a rash decision is not in our future, luckily. But, the real issues lay with my SO: he's 52 and has a 22-y-o DS from his first marriage, who has an almost 1-y-o DS. So, my SO is a grandpa. It sounds so weird to write out, but for us, it seems normal and it works. My life experiences make me more on level with someone who is pushing 40, not 30, and men my age do not appeal to me in the least bit. My SO is young at heart and takes care of himself, so he doesn't really seem/look his age. But, you can see why we have an issue!

We both crave a child together...and for what I can now see are the "right" reasons. I had DS (whom I love dearly) because my ex was in the Army and about to be deployed. We were terrible together, but I did it because it seemed like the "right" thing to do. With my SO, I want a child because I love him, because we would have a beautiful child, because I want to experience the joy of pregnancy and birth with him. But, his age plus his son (who is very much in our lives) makes things so complicated.

Has anyone ever had to deal with a similar thing before? If so, what did you decide to do, and are you happy with your decision?


Mama to Little D 8.21.10
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