Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 01-10-2017, 10:51 AM   #1
jen_batten's Avatar
jen_batten
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 11,666
When Bio Parents Are Expecting

How has this played out for you? I would welcome all thoughts and stories about it, but especially those of you who were over your child 'limit'.

We already have 7 kids in home--5 bios and 2 bonus kiddos. We are on the road to adoption with the bonuses. I am really torn on what I think will happen--whether CD would choose to get a waiver and place here and whether or not we are willing...it's so hard and there are so many factors to think about.

Advertisement

jen_batten is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-10-2017, 09:57 PM   #2
FosteringInfants
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 425
Re: When Bio Parents Are Expecting

Oooh, i'd take the baby. They have so much less trauma coming from the hospital! But still many factors from substances, etc. so 8 kids. �� If you feel you can handle it!

We aren't over limit. They had to increase our license though. The 2nd adoption went much more quickly than the 1st. They visited a lot less. Like 5 visits instead of 20 over the course of the case. The first took 18 mos. the 2nd 14. Both had retarded paperwork delays nothing related to the case.
FosteringInfants is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-10-2017, 09:59 PM   #3
FosteringInfants
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 425
Re: When Bio Parents Are Expecting

We had possibly reached TPR or did soon after birth and baby was still given a separate case.
FosteringInfants is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-11-2017, 07:47 AM   #4
jen_batten's Avatar
jen_batten
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 11,666
Re: When Bio Parents Are Expecting

Quote:
Originally Posted by FosteringInfants View Post
Oooh, i'd take the baby. They have so much less trauma coming from the hospital! But still many factors from substances, etc. so 8 kids. �� If you feel you can handle it!

We aren't over limit. They had to increase our license though. The 2nd adoption went much more quickly than the 1st. They visited a lot less. Like 5 visits instead of 20 over the course of the case. The first took 18 mos. the 2nd 14. Both had retarded paperwork delays nothing related to the case.
We are really back and forth on the baby...our kids are all young. Right now they are 10, 9, 7, 3, 2, 1, & 9 months. By the time baby is here the youngest 3 will have had birthdays. Do you think CD would be willing to get a waiver for us even though we have so many young ones? The normal limit here is 5 total, only 2 under 2, and I think only 4 under 5 or something. Of course waivers are possible for siblings, and this will be a full sibling, I just don't know what children's division will want to do. There will be factors with baby even coming from the hospital, but like you said so much less than with the other boys. I feel like we are handling the seven well now, I frequently take them all out by myself, etc, but there are days when it does feel like a lot. I assume there would be days like that if I had fewer too though. On a selfish level, I feel like things have been going quite smoothly lately and I have been finally getting to sew again and spend more time cooking and reading and adding in baby would leave us back at square one. And eventually we'd like not to have to plan our day around naps and always visit the zoo when we want to go somewhere fun. But then that is selfish, because those things aren't needs and baby does need a loving family and sibling bond is important. I do think we could handle baby. But parents are young, and how many more babies will come along after this one? Where do we draw the line? I don't know, I am just so back and forth. We still have a long time to decide but there is a lot to think about.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FosteringInfants View Post
We had possibly reached TPR or did soon after birth and baby was still given a separate case.
My guess is we will be pretty close to TPR by the time baby is here. I was under the impression that baby would be a separate case but that was just an assumption and I really have no idea--these boys are only our second placement and will be our first adoption. One of the things I am worried about is if the boy's adoption is final and we are still taking baby to visit bios, how will that effect them?
jen_batten is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-11-2017, 09:09 AM   #5
Futurefam
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 374
Re: When Bio Parents Are Expecting

No BTDT advice, but interesting to read that most get a waiver. Our area is weird and waivers are rare if you are over the limit. New baby would most likely be separate case as others said. It's a lot to think about and it's crossed my mind that I may get that call someday myself!
I would say that it's already hard for my adopted son to see my current FK's visit their bio parents and know he cannot do the same at this time.
__________________
Futurefam - Foster and Adoptive Parent
Forever: Batman 11 - Adopted at age 6!
Current: Providing respite to foster children
Past: 9 children that have moved on...
Futurefam is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-11-2017, 09:50 AM   #6
jen_batten's Avatar
jen_batten
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 11,666
Re: When Bio Parents Are Expecting

Quote:
Originally Posted by Futurefam View Post
No BTDT advice, but interesting to read that most get a waiver. Our area is weird and waivers are rare if you are over the limit. New baby would most likely be separate case as others said. It's a lot to think about and it's crossed my mind that I may get that call someday myself!
I would say that it's already hard for my adopted son to see my current FK's visit their bio parents and know he cannot do the same at this time.
Ours would be the opposite...the youngest one screams as soon as we pull in the office parking lot because he knows what's coming. He spends the whole visit (1 hour) trying to leave and get back to us. The older one doesn't do very well with mom but is ok with dad. I worry about it possibly being traumatic for the older boys for us to keep dropping baby off after their case is finalized.
jen_batten is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-11-2017, 11:38 AM   #7
Futurefam
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 374
Re: When Bio Parents Are Expecting

Quote:
Originally Posted by jen_batten View Post
He spends the whole visit (1 hour) trying to leave and get back to us. The older one doesn't do very well with mom but is ok with dad. I worry about it possibly being traumatic for the older boys for us to keep dropping baby off after their case is finalized.
Yes, I would worry about this too. Visits are tough for any age. Your comment made me think back to a traumatic time when Batman had a visit with his bio at the same location we attended court ordered play therapy. He was only 5. I was told he hid in the corner and kept asking for me because normally I would be in there with him playing games and he would be sitting in my lap. It was so confusing to him, he had not seen the bio in close to 10 months. And since he didn't react warmly to the visit the bio never scheduled another and gave up. Heartbreaking.
__________________
Futurefam - Foster and Adoptive Parent
Forever: Batman 11 - Adopted at age 6!
Current: Providing respite to foster children
Past: 9 children that have moved on...
Futurefam is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-11-2017, 03:55 PM   #8
SharedTheJourney
Registered Users
 
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 430
My Mood:
Re: When Bio Parents Are Expecting

Great you can do this!
SharedTheJourney is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-11-2017, 05:13 PM   #9
Melinda29
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 4,381
Re: When Bio Parents Are Expecting

Quote:
Originally Posted by jen_batten View Post
Ours would be the opposite...the youngest one screams as soon as we pull in the office parking lot because he knows what's coming. He spends the whole visit (1 hour) trying to leave and get back to us. The older one doesn't do very well with mom but is ok with dad. I worry about it possibly being traumatic for the older boys for us to keep dropping baby off after their case is finalized.
How old are the boys?


I worked with a family where biomom was young and just kept having babies. Adoptive family was happy to adopt but had to draw a line at some point--biomom had 10 kids before she was 30 years old and adoptive family didn't want a family bigger than that. And she was clearly fertile and young enough to keep having more. They only agreed to adopt baby #10 if biomom got her tubes tied at delivery. CPS told them to keep it between them, they couldn't be a part of it or else would have to put a stop to the whole adoption. But biomom did agree to it. So that's another idea, if biomom likes you and wants you to adopt, you could ask her something along those lines.

Last edited by Melinda29; 01-11-2017 at 05:20 PM.
Melinda29 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-11-2017, 06:33 PM   #10
jen_batten's Avatar
jen_batten
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 11,666
Re: When Bio Parents Are Expecting

Quote:
Originally Posted by Melinda29 View Post
How old are the boys?


I worked with a family where biomom was young and just kept having babies. Adoptive family was happy to adopt but had to draw a line at some point--biomom had 10 kids before she was 30 years old and adoptive family didn't want a family bigger than that. And she was clearly fertile and young enough to keep having more. They only agreed to adopt baby #10 if biomom got her tubes tied at delivery. CPS told them to keep it between them, they couldn't be a part of it or else would have to put a stop to the whole adoption. But biomom did agree to it. So that's another idea, if biomom likes you and wants you to adopt, you could ask her something along those lines.
2 & 1. They will both have birthdays before baby is born.

Bio mom is very young and could be on her way to 10 before 30. That is a really interesting arrangement and I will definitely keep it in mind! She does like us, but she has multiple untreated mental illnesses. Sometimes she wants us to adopt, sometimes she swears she's getting them back. She has never waivered on the fact that if they do get adopted she wants it to be us though. As far as a long term arrangement I just don't think she has the stability to follow through, at least not at this point.
jen_batten is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2018 VIX-WomensForum LLC. All Rights Reserved.