Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 09-17-2016, 05:33 AM   #11
kmrotski
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 4,735
My Mood:
Re: Step mom blogs/forums?

Quote:
Originally Posted by WannaBeGreen2011 View Post
Nope, never together. They were never even in the same room (with DSS) until mom got involved in his schooling the past two years. Even still, they've only all been around each other together a handful of times. DSS doesn't harbor any wishes of them being together or anything like that, he's very content to have two families right now.

People always tell me too that "someday" he'll realize we took care of him and had rules and didn't spoil him, etc, etc, etc, because we loved him and wanted what was best for him.. I just hope I'm still around once that day finally comes because right now I can not see the light at the end of the tunnel. It's so hard some days.
Some people would consider us "lucky" since our step kiddos didnt come from divorce or a nasty break up and were just born used to 2 families and I imagine that situation is difficult as well but man its tough. Some days I think "what the heck did I get myself into?!"

The worst is that it affects my relationship with DH. I know he doesnt really get it and that's frustrating. Like every step parent blog or forum Ive read it always says "dont try to be the parent" well since day 1 bio mom was out of the picture (until the mast 9 mos or so) and DH works 12 hours a day 6 days a week and I am a stay at home mom. Am I supposed to just let him walk all over me? Not happening. Not that he is a bad kid, just gets a pre teen attitude more then Id like him too but Im not just going to tolerate it and hope DH does something about it when he gets home when the moment has more then passed. So I am the bad guy always. I think thats the hardest part for me. I dont just get to be the cool fun step mom some moms get to be. I had to step in as a parent.

Advertisement

kmrotski is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 09-17-2016, 08:00 PM   #12
WannaBeGreen2011's Avatar
WannaBeGreen2011
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: College Station, TX
Posts: 524
My Mood:
Quote:
Originally Posted by kmrotski
Some people would consider us "lucky" since our step kiddos didnt come from divorce or a nasty break up and were just born used to 2 families and I imagine that situation is difficult as well but man its tough. Some days I think "what the heck did I get myself into?!" The worst is that it affects my relationship with DH. I know he doesnt really get it and that's frustrating. Like every step parent blog or forum Ive read it always says "dont try to be the parent" well since day 1 bio mom was out of the picture (until the mast 9 mos or so) and DH works 12 hours a day 6 days a week and I am a stay at home mom. Am I supposed to just let him walk all over me? Not happening. Not that he is a bad kid, just gets a pre teen attitude more then Id like him too but Im not just going to tolerate it and hope DH does something about it when he gets home when the moment has more then passed. So I am the bad guy always. I think thats the hardest part for me. I dont just get to be the cool fun step mom some moms get to be. I had to step in as a parent.
I think we must be twins.. We have so much in common. I'm the SAHM parent too and have been parenting my DSS since he moved in with us at a very young age. My husband has always worked long hours, 5-7 days a week. DSS's mom always does the Disneyland-mom thing because she can and I still have to parent from afar when he's with her.. Gah.
WannaBeGreen2011 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-18-2016, 12:39 PM   #13
kmrotski
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 4,735
My Mood:
Re: Step mom blogs/forums?

So today I broke down and finally told DSS that when he is talking to the baby I am mommy or something of the like. I told him,YOU dont have to call me mom but when you are talking to the baby I am his mommy. He is too young to understand why you call me by my first name and it confuses him. I explained how when we reference his mom to him we dont use her first name or we dont use DHs first name and this is the same thing. I doubt it is going to stick but I was just getting frustrated about it for some reason. Its not like he references me often to the baby but I guess ots just something I had at least say for me. Its already tough for me with DSS calling me by my first name because I was raised that it was very disrespectful to call an adult by their first name. While I get that there arent many more options for a step child to call their step parent it just has always bothered me.
kmrotski is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 09-18-2016, 01:56 PM   #14
booty hunter's Avatar
booty hunter
Queen of Funny Auotcorrects
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: bubbaland
Posts: 13,891
My Mood:
Re: Step mom blogs/forums?

I try to be respectful of threads that I don't have knowledge of things. I would never go on a wohm thread and tell them how to balance work and house ,so with this thread I try to do the same. I am not a step parent and my parents are still married. So I feel like coming on and offering advice would be wrong. But if it is OK I do have a question. Before you got married ,what were you expecting it to be like? Were you planning on being mom or a care giver? Did you think the child would be with you all the time or only during visits? Did you think you could coparent with mom or was it already obvious it was going to be a struggle. I know a few step families (one family the other spouces are dead ,not divorced) and they all say they imagined it to be totally different than what it is. Did you feel like you understood what you were getting into?
__________________
CATHOLIC, Open to life,Pro-life from moment of conception to natural death ,mom of many blessings who LOVES to sew when I can find the time
Please excuse any typos ,my laptop keyboard has a mind of it's own
booty hunter is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-18-2016, 02:38 PM   #15
kmrotski
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 4,735
My Mood:
Re: Step mom blogs/forums?

I cant speak for Wannabegreen2011 but I believe we come from similar situations.

When I married DH bio mom was 95% out of the picture. This past January she apparently had a change of heart and wanted to be a more decent parent. Which means she saw him like once a month when she actually stuck to her word. But then he spent summer with her and became a preteen and things just got a little tougher. He is not a bad kid by any means. I think her coming and going he gets emotionally confused. And this also all happened as we had our first baby together in January. So everything changed kind of at once and once I saw what a family was like with my own child my outlook shifted.

Honestly I think the hardest part emotionally is DH having no clue how I feel. And its not his fault, if youve never been a step parent and had to walk this fine line of parent and friend its hard to understand. So I guess to answer your question I didnt have many expectations about it when we got married. I loved DH and wanted to have a family with him and my step son was just a bonus (or obstacle depends on the day you ask) to our marriage. And now Im just rambling sorry....

I totally respect your questions because it actually helps me think about the situation and access it when I have to explain it to someone else.
kmrotski is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 09-18-2016, 03:14 PM   #16
booty hunter's Avatar
booty hunter
Queen of Funny Auotcorrects
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: bubbaland
Posts: 13,891
My Mood:
Re: Step mom blogs/forums?

Thanks for the reply. I have watched a few friends struggle with the step parent relationship and it isn't easy. That is interesting you didn't have any expectations going in. I know they did and I wondered if that made things more difficult but it sounds like it is hard anyways.
__________________
CATHOLIC, Open to life,Pro-life from moment of conception to natural death ,mom of many blessings who LOVES to sew when I can find the time
Please excuse any typos ,my laptop keyboard has a mind of it's own
booty hunter is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-18-2016, 05:57 PM   #17
kmrotski
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 4,735
My Mood:
Re: Step mom blogs/forums?

Quote:
Originally Posted by booty hunter View Post
Thanks for the reply. I have watched a few friends struggle with the step parent relationship and it isn't easy. That is interesting you didn't have any expectations going in. I know they did and I wondered if that made things more difficult but it sounds like it is hard anyways.
It is certainly not an easy task. For me the good out weighs the bad for sure but having no one who really understands makes you kind of hold all the emotions of it in and that is what ends up weighing on me and leading to step momma break downs. At the end of the day the most difficult part is protecting DHs feelings. Because often times he makes our situation "his fault" and it is never my intention to blame him for anything. Especially now that we moved states away and bio mom gets him over summer and Christmas break...so we miss his birthday and Christmas. That is beyond tough for DH.
kmrotski is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 09-18-2016, 07:00 PM   #18
booty hunter's Avatar
booty hunter
Queen of Funny Auotcorrects
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: bubbaland
Posts: 13,891
My Mood:
Re: Step mom blogs/forums?

The family I mentioned earlier both spouses died ,they have the blessing of all extended family members (including the family of the spouses that passed away) ,both parents have great respect for the parent that passed away and have never tried to replace them and the new marriage was 10 years ago. But there is still so much hurt and discord. It seems like no matter how much it looks like it should work it seems almost impossible.
__________________
CATHOLIC, Open to life,Pro-life from moment of conception to natural death ,mom of many blessings who LOVES to sew when I can find the time
Please excuse any typos ,my laptop keyboard has a mind of it's own
booty hunter is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-18-2016, 07:24 PM   #19
kmrotski
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 4,735
My Mood:
Re: Step mom blogs/forums?

Its crazy how differently blended families work.

DHs parents divorced when he was 7yo or so and we have a great relationship with his mom and step dad. He very rarely speaks to his dad and step mom, when his dad got remarried he kind of went off with his new family and didnt have much to do with DH and his brother.

My momma passed when I was 14yo and I have absolutely nothing to do with my father and his wife and her kids and their kids. I wasnt even invited to the wedding.

So DH and I have kind of experienced different versions of step families. He has divorce, I have loss, and my step son was out of wedlock so he has never known his parents as a "couple" and his bio mom has 3 other kids by 3 other fathers so he doesnt know any different...abnormal families is normal to him.
kmrotski is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 09-18-2016, 07:48 PM   #20
MamaChirpy's Avatar
MamaChirpy
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: South MS
Posts: 7,971
Re: Step mom blogs/forums?

Just wanted to say I'm also following this thread. I don't have personal experience with blended families but both my brothers do. A few times over, actually. They have both been married more than once and man, our whole extended family has suffered from not seeing the children.

Also, My mom was married once before and had my two brothers. She married my father later and it has always hurt so badly that they just couldn't be my brothers all the time because my dad is a jerk and made it hard. I still am very hurt that we don't really operate like my definition of a FAMILY.

My best friend also is in a blended family (her husband's first wife died) and I know how very hard she has it sometimes.

My DH's parents divorced and his dad remarried a woman with two young kids. He is a grown man and to this day he is hurt by things they do/don't do.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
MamaChirpy is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2018 VIX-WomensForum LLC. All Rights Reserved.