Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 09-14-2016, 11:26 AM   #1
lugnut_9754's Avatar
lugnut_9754
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 683
My Mood:
Struggling While Waiting

Some days are fine, others like today are very rough. I don't feel like anyone in my life understands why this is so hard. Basically the adoption process is stuck until I have at least $25,000 saved. I'm hoping to have that within two years but that still seems forever away. Meanwhile I continue to see people have baby after baby, start the adoption process and bring home their child, and I'm just stuck. Over three years since starting this journey to motherhood and I'm no closer than I was then. Just more broken, both emotionally and financially. Nothing I can do to move faster, I keep begging my agency to let me do something but their reply is always that I can't do anything else until I have the money. I stressed, upset, frustrated, and just want to bring my daughter home. Ugh. Anyway, just wanted to vent to people who might understand the frustration and cost of adoption. Thanks for listening.

Advertisement

__________________
Michele (29) - - Waiting for #1 since March 2013 (My Single Mother By Choice Blog) - Follow my journey on YouTube

Following my heart and adopting a child with Down Syndrome from Inda
Have $5? Please consider donating to my Adoption Fundraiser
lugnut_9754 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-14-2016, 12:04 PM   #2
SharedTheJourney
Registered Users
 
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 430
My Mood:
Re: Struggling While Waiting

Quote:
Originally Posted by lugnut_9754 View Post
Some days are fine, others like today are very rough. I don't feel like anyone in my life understands why this is so hard. Basically the adoption process is stuck until I have at least $25,000 saved. I'm hoping to have that within two years but that still seems forever away. Meanwhile I continue to see people have baby after baby, start the adoption process and bring home their child, and I'm just stuck. Over three years since starting this journey to motherhood and I'm no closer than I was then. Just more broken, both emotionally and financially. Nothing I can do to move faster, I keep begging my agency to let me do something but their reply is always that I can't do anything else until I have the money. I stressed, upset, frustrated, and just want to bring my daughter home. Ugh. Anyway, just wanted to vent to people who might understand the frustration and cost of adoption. Thanks for listening.
Stay still, steady, and in peace, and have faith that it will happen. The closer you are to your goal, the more stressing, upsetting, frustrating it seems and it then becomes a harrowing wait. We adopted domestically through interstate and it took longer, actually about 3yrs! We took that time to learn, read, prepare, etc. Best to you.
SharedTheJourney is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-17-2016, 10:59 AM   #3
joyfulgirl_3
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 351
My Mood:
Re: Struggling While Waiting

I watch your blog and know you are planning/saving money. But, my advice would also be to use this time to do things you really want to do that would be harder when you have a child.

Some people are able to continue living their life as if nothing changed when they had kids...they still travel, do things they like, have fun outside of their little one.

I was not one of those. I found my child...then foster care and adoption to be all consuming even when I didn't want it to be (Our family didn't help much. We had one really good go to sitter.) Many years out, I now have an 11 year old and 5 year old and am finding things *I* enjoy again now that they are a little older and more independent.

I'd spend the time on YOU and things you enjoy. Your life isn't 'over' when you have kids but it does change...some for the better and some for the worse.

Make your bucket list for you and things that will make it easier when she's here. I know a lot of that depends on where you wind up...but start investigating specific schools, community programs and services...join any lists for special needs/down syndrome in your area...find your pediatrician you hope to use, consult w/your own lawyer about preliminary plans for your will/living trust..who will care for her if something happens to you? All those little things that are harder to do when you have a little one tagging along or have to pay a sitter to do!

I've gotten into a lot of vlogs linked to yours and people struggling to build their families over time. NOT discounting that at all. But, the flip side is not always roses.

I got preggo after 2 months of trying and my husband wasn't ready. In his mind, he was thinking it would take 6-12 months to get pregnant and then another 9 for baby. It changed everything for us. Quick isn't always better
joyfulgirl_3 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-19-2016, 09:37 AM   #4
Futurefam
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 374
Re: Struggling While Waiting

Like the others said, it's going to be a journey. You want your life to be very full but the moment it is it will be a cup overflowing with the joys and trials of parenting a child with needs greater than those of most.
I don't have any experience with straight adoption, but I do know what's it is like to love a child who is waiting for a direction, a plan, a path, a different future. It takes something special inside a person to wait.
Can you volunteer with foster youth or CASA/GAL program? This might give you some insight on children like the one you are seeking to bring into your family.
__________________
Futurefam - Foster and Adoptive Parent
Forever: Batman 11 - Adopted at age 6!
Current: Providing respite to foster children
Past: 9 children that have moved on...
Futurefam is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-20-2016, 11:08 PM   #5
FosteringInfants
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 425
Re: Struggling While Waiting

Love the past 2 posts. Very encouraging. Take the focus off the child. It seems like the wait will feel longer.

Agree too about getting out and taking hikes and doing the fun, cheap things that are just a bit harder with a kid. Our kids are special needs and it takes us an hour to get out the door.
FosteringInfants is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-22-2016, 11:22 PM   #6
lugnut_9754's Avatar
lugnut_9754
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 683
My Mood:
Re: Struggling While Waiting

Thanks so much everyone! Today was the first day that I actually thought that my job isn't so bad. I think a lot of my adoption stress had to do with knowing I was needing to work a ton of overtime at a job I didn't like just to get enough money. Of course I would still love to have her home asap but it doesn't feel so bad now that I'm ok with where I'm at. No money to do much things for myself but there are definitely some free things I want to catch up on
__________________
Michele (29) - - Waiting for #1 since March 2013 (My Single Mother By Choice Blog) - Follow my journey on YouTube

Following my heart and adopting a child with Down Syndrome from Inda
Have $5? Please consider donating to my Adoption Fundraiser
lugnut_9754 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-30-2017, 06:43 AM   #7
lugnut_9754's Avatar
lugnut_9754
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 683
My Mood:
Re: Struggling While Waiting

Still waiting, still struggling some days but not as much as before. I ended up moving across the country to have a much better paying job. Hoping to start my homestudy by May at the latest. Most of the paperwork is done, just need to pay the fees to submit
__________________
Michele (29) - - Waiting for #1 since March 2013 (My Single Mother By Choice Blog) - Follow my journey on YouTube

Following my heart and adopting a child with Down Syndrome from Inda
Have $5? Please consider donating to my Adoption Fundraiser
lugnut_9754 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2018 VIX-WomensForum LLC. All Rights Reserved.