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Old 04-12-2017, 10:27 AM   #1
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Adoption and bio family involvement

DH have discussed it many times but I'd love to hear what you do and how it works for you! (Our adoption is not final, we are just discussing what would be best in our situation.)

Things I'd love to know if you don't mind sharing--what type of adoption, who (if anyone) you remain in contact with from bio family, what type of contact, and how frequently. Are bio family members respectful of the adoption and your parenting styles/descions?


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Old 04-17-2017, 05:55 AM   #2
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Re: Adoption and bio family involvement

We have adopted and are very close with a bio uncle. We text many times a week. We also have visits with him Everytime he's in town! We will also be involved with a sibling or two. I'm so thankful we have some bio family for her to connect with. We also allow bio mom pictures and a written update twice a year, but choose to have no other contact with her. I know many adopted people and all have had questions about their bio family at some point... So I'm thankful that when she's old enough to understand and want answers I have some things to tell her.
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Old 04-17-2017, 05:56 AM   #3
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Re: Adoption and bio family involvement

Ohhh and yes he is 100% respectful of our decisions.
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Old 04-24-2017, 08:50 AM   #4
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Re: Adoption and bio family involvement

Yes we have some bio family involvement on one side. They reached out to us and we established a trusting relationship. We share updates, pictures and visit once or twice a year. They are fully respectful of our privacy not to share his changed last name or location with bios. When it came down to it, they just wanted to be uncle, aunt and grandma without any hidden agenda.

We also send bios pictures and general updates a couple times a year via e-mail and mail to state corrections prison without a valid return addy and on a first name basis. They respond by mail to the local DCF agency. They are also thankful and respectful to This kind of trust didn't happen overnight with the bios. They were of course super upset the first year with their loss. Now that things have calmed down they are civil to us.
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Old 05-26-2017, 07:12 AM   #5
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Re: Adoption and bio family involvement

Our adoption isn't final, and we are adopting through foster care. I was very close with the bio mom when reunification was our goal. She made some bad decisions and she is no longer a part of our lives. The state actually told us that if we kept her in the picture that our adoption might not go through because she was considered a danger to the child. The state said if she should be in our little guy's life then reunification would still be the goal. I am glad that our case manager made the difficult decision for us because we were feeling like the bio mom thought that we were going to co-parent with her. She wanted to do all of the fun things but not give up her lifestyle. We have decided to send her pictures through our case manager if she asks for them. She will never be out of our Lives completely and I really hope that she gets clean so that as our little one gets older and has questions about her she will be able to form a relationship with him again. I would love to have her in his life but I just can't allow her to be a part of it until she is healthy. I've also read a lot of books about it and it sounds like at this young age having a bio parent in the picture can be really confusing for the kids. Because we are foster parents, the only time of adoption that is allowed in our state is closed. What we decide after the adoption is final is our decision, though.
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Old 03-26-2018, 04:07 PM   #6
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Re: Adoption and bio family involvement

I am not sure what type of BIO Family contact your our considering but this is my experience

I talk with families at DCF events on a regular basis regarding family contact. We have a lot of contact with Siblings. Our DS is one of six children, adopted by 3 families. We are all very close and it has been the best part of adopting. We get together as a very large family probably 6 times a year.

Four of his siblings are with one family that live in the same town as us, therefore we see this family more often. We often attend regular town activities together so the children can be together more often. For example, taking swim lesson together or Soccer lessons.

In regards to other bio family contact. My son does not see other birth family yet because he is only 3 (it would not benefit him at this point). But his older siblings who are 17 and 8 do see some birth family. Often at very public places parks, libraries, fast food restaurants. These visits are planned and only happen a few times a year.

In regards to respect for parenting style and the adoptive parents this has never been an issue. In fact all three set of adoptive parents are very different in style, personality and approach. All of the adoptive parents are respectful to each other and respect the different approaches.

Above all continue to look at this as a response to what is good for this child NOT THE ADULTS IN THE BIRTH FAMILY WHO MAY BE PUSHING FOR IT. If birth family contact can be positive than try to find a solution. But if it is unsafe or will have a negative impact than maybe it not right. And because it not right today does not mean it will to be the right thing to do later.

I hope this helps, feel free to ask more questions.
Momma to DD 5/7/08.

Last edited by sharbrow; 03-26-2018 at 04:21 PM. Reason: Add more info
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