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Old 03-27-2011, 02:52 PM   #1
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How to raise kids with good morals?

My hubby & I just found out his older brother's girlfriend is pregnant & they plan on abusing state aid by not getting married. (BIL's words) Not to mention the gf resides in one state but is getting state care from another state bc that is where she used to live & her parents live. I am a little upset by this. We are Christian & trying to live a Christian life & raise our ds in the Christian way. Thank goodness he is still young, but how can I raise my son around all these immoralities?

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Old 03-27-2011, 03:24 PM   #2
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Re: How to raise kids with good morals?

You can explain to him that the choices that his uncle are making are not good ones. Explain (when he's older I would assume) that people are allowed to make their own decisions but some of them are not the best. Brainstorm other ways to deal with issues? Good luck mama! And if I were you (cause that kind of thing drives me NUTS!) I would call the Health and Welfare Dept (or whatever dept deals with the aid she is getting) and report her Abusing the system and getting caught can get you kicked off totally for years.
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Old 03-27-2011, 03:26 PM   #3
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Re: How to raise kids with good morals?

So hard in this world! Every night I pray, aloud with my girls, that they will grow to become women after God's own heart. And that God would give us the wisdom to raise them right. I believe the best we can do is to educate ourselves on raising our children. Do our best and pray. Have you read Dr Dobson's book on raising boys? I've heard great things about it. No sons of my own, just girls. Then I would also highly recommend this book. It is on raising compassionate children with empathy. Awesome read!
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Old 03-27-2011, 03:40 PM   #4
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Re: How to raise kids with good morals?

As long as you live your life according to what you want to instill in your children, and guide them along with those beliefs and morals, that's really all you can do.
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Old 03-27-2011, 03:50 PM   #5
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Re: How to raise kids with good morals?

Well for one I'm not sure why the assumption that being non-religious or non-christian = immoral and vice versa. I've seen far too many immoral deeds done by so-called good and upright (insert religious persuasion).

I think it all goes back to the nature vs. nurture debate. You can teach your children what you believe is good and right, and other parts it's just 'how' the child is. Like PP said, "As long as you live your life according to what you want to instill in your children, and guide them along with those beliefs and morals, that's really all you can do."
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Old 03-27-2011, 03:50 PM   #6
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Re: How to raise kids with good morals?

dbl post
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Old 03-27-2011, 03:52 PM   #7
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Re: How to raise kids with good morals?

I agree with the pp's.
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Old 03-27-2011, 04:27 PM   #8
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Re: How to raise kids with good morals?

To answer the OP's question, by actively instilling values and integrity into our children and trying to keep living well and purposefully in front of our children- that is how we raise children with integrity and good values. Religion has nothing to do with being moral, just like being non-religious doesn't automatically make someone immoral.

We show love to those around us, teaching our children that being kind is just how you should be, for no other reason than to be kind. We do a lot of volunteering, donating, and living simply, modeling behaviors that we want to see in our children. We show them social responsibility- caring for those less fortunate, being mindful of our planet and our resources- and we are Jewish/Athiest parents.

Honestly, your family members are doing things both unethical (subjective) and illegal, but it isn't like they're going to be taking your kids and teaching them how to cheat the system, so just keep doing what you feel is right at home and that is about all you can do
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Old 03-27-2011, 04:40 PM   #9
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Re: How to raise kids with good morals?

Well, first you figure out what your morals are. I know this sounds kind of like a "duh" thing, but it helps you to teach them when you can articulate them.

Then you live them. Example is the best teacher I know of. In day to day living, you do the right things according to your family's morals. You teach them to recycle (if this is part of it), you teach them to be kind to others and to be honest.

Finally you talk about how and why you live them with your children as you go. When you are loading up to go to church, you remind them that you are going because it helps you grow as Christians and that God wants us to keep up our relationship with him. When you are brushing teeth, you remind them that we take care of our bodies because they are God's temple, etc.

The situation you described I would not directly address with your children, regardless of how old they are, because, really, it's judging. I would simply teach them the morals that you DO agree with. Ex. only live together when you are married. Get married first and then have babies. If they are old enough, they will notice when other people do not live by these same morals. THEN you discuss it more directly and talk about why you wouldn't do those things-because they don't align with your morals.

As a Christian myself, I also stress forgiveness. This is difference than acceptance as it does not make sins "ok." They are still sins. They are just forgiven and we should try to forgive as Christ forgives us.

ETA: Always ask yourself if what you are focusing on with your children matches the end goal of the morals you want to teach them. It is easy for me to get caught up in the academics for my kids, but I should spend more time on the work ethic part rather than the performance part, or the giving part rather than the showing off part.
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Old 03-27-2011, 04:42 PM   #10
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Re: How to raise kids with good morals?

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Originally Posted by crazylife View Post
Well for one I'm not sure why the assumption that being non-religious or non-christian = immoral and vice versa. I've seen far too many immoral deeds done by so-called good and upright (insert religious persuasion).

Yes I like to think I have good morals, and enjoy an ethics debate, and am as agnostic as they come And DH is atheist.

Setting a good example is all you really can do.

I would also let you kids see this kind of behaviour will bite them in the butt.

She WILL get caught if she thinks she can not claim BFs income and get more aid, or get aid for 2 states or whatever. The state will go find him as a punitive father. She will be in a gob of messy paperwork when the birth cert is from a different state, with different info on it. The medical coverage may not extend state lines when she goes for visits. It may take a while, but it will happen, and she may have to pay the state back if it's bad enough.

You can call it karma, or rule of three, or jesus, but if you're a snake in the grass, the lawn mower will come for you.
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