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Old 07-14-2016, 10:22 AM   #1
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How many people attended your birth? How do I say no?

The closer I get to my due date, the more friends/family members I've had mention they want to be at my birth. What the? I didn't know this was a 'thing'. I don't even go to the mailbox without makeup on, and surely don't want friends seeing me during labor. I thought it was your spouse, and maybe parents/siblings. Not friends and friends girlfriends and extended family.. My husband and I are both only children, and I only have my dad left. Is it bad that I don't want my in-laws or father there? I am not terribly close with my dad, to be honest, I was closer with my mom. I love my MIL don't get me wrong, my in-laws are awesome (my poor hubs got the short end of the stick when it came to in-laws) but don't know if I want her or FIL there, during. Yes,afterwards. But, how do I tell others no, they are so excited. I have one close friend who is a amateur photographer and offered to come a take pictures. I feel very comfortable with her, she's a mom and had the same due date as me last year. We've gotten close since I've been pregnant and she's given me lots of advice. I told her yes and feel like other friends are thinking this makes it an open invitation. Also, I am birthing at a birth center, not hospital. How do I handle this? How many people were at your birth? Thanks!

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Old 07-14-2016, 10:26 AM   #2
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Re: How many people attended your birth? How do I say no?

It was me, DH, and a doula. Nobody else but my boss even was told when I went into labor, and the second time around my childcare plan was implemented for LO#1. I didn't even want visitors in the hospital, personally. Tell them no proactively, and then don't tell anybody anything when labor starts (and stay off social media).
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Old 07-14-2016, 10:26 AM   #3
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Re: How many people attended your birth? How do I say no?

Nope, not bad. And my response when asked was unequivocally NO! NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT! When I invite you into the bathroom before I poop or into the bedroom to observe private activities between my husband and myself is when anyone aside from my husband and necessary help will be invited into my delivery room. And I didn't worry about offending anyone. I am not adding that kind of stress to my pregnancy and delivery. Nope, no way no how!

And yes, my MIL did ask. She did not attend any of my children's births.

Last edited by qsefthuko; 07-14-2016 at 10:39 AM.
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Old 07-14-2016, 10:28 AM   #4
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Re: How many people attended your birth? How do I say no?

It is ABSOLUTELY your decision who to have in the room. I had no one but DH for my last 3. My mom was in with me for my first. (I still don't know how that happened. Ha!)
And I allowed no one to come to the hospital.

Please speak your mind about this or you will be miserable the whole time. This should be a special, happy time for you and DH. If you want the photographer friend there, that's your decision. Tell everyone else you will call them when they can come to the birth center. Or you will call them when you get Baby home and are ready for visitors.


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Old 07-14-2016, 11:14 AM   #5
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Re: How many people attended your birth? How do I say no?

I tend to have a ton of people it seems for my births but this one I have a feeling it will just be my dh and I. You need to do what you feel comfortable with. Just tell people you already have your delivery room set but you will call them once they are born and let them know when they can come visit.
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Old 07-14-2016, 11:38 AM   #6
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Re: How many people attended your birth? How do I say no?

Quote:
Originally Posted by qsefthuko View Post
Nope, not bad. And my response when asked was unequivocally NO! NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT! When I invite you into the bathroom before I poop or into the bedroom to observe private activities between my husband and myself is when anyone aside from my husband and necessary help will be invited into my delivery room. And I didn't worry about offending anyone. I am not adding that kind of stress to my pregnancy and delivery. Nope, no way no how!

And yes, my MIL did ask. She did not attend any of my children's births.
This is fantastic lol! I laughed so loud when I read the invite part my kids came running to see what was so funny.
& I feel the same about not wanting lots of people to see me give birth. Just dh & hospital staff.
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Old 07-14-2016, 11:40 AM   #7
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Re: How many people attended your birth? How do I say no?

With number 1 it was my Dad, Mom, and sister. My mom was a l&D nurse and was working the night I went in. But she had to work the next night also. So she came in at the tail end right before her shift.

Number 2 it was my husband,My best friend, and her boyfriend. Yes that is an odd combination but let me explain. Her boyfriend was in school to be pediatrician. So what better way to get an introduction. He decided after that day that he needed a different field of work. Glad I could be of assitance lol. The doctor almost didnt even make it since she came so quick.

With #3 and 4 it was just my husband. We were stationed away from family.

You get to choose who is there in your moment. Dont worry about feelings of others. It is your special day. And also a day filled with great stress.

Last edited by Icryinbaseball; 07-14-2016 at 11:41 AM.
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Old 07-14-2016, 11:48 AM   #8
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Re: How many people attended your birth? How do I say no?

Make sure you make your visitation plans very clear to anyone you think may visit. My DH was the only one at the birth although my MIL begged to jump on a plane and be there. But after the birth I had a close friend just pop in unannounced and it was miserable. I was tired, half dressed, puffy and gross looking, baby was asleep, and I was NOT up for chit chat and visitors. Especially because she brought her husband, whom I love, but definitely not someone I want to be half dressed and vunerable around lol

But it totally wasnt her fault I never said I didnt want visitors which I suppose I shouldve made more clear to at least give me a heads up.. lol
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Old 07-14-2016, 01:00 PM   #9
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Re: How many people attended your birth? How do I say no?

I delivered at a hospital with my first. I was a young, single, teen mom (18, but still) and everyone in my family thought they needed to be there. There was a limit of 4 the hospital would allow, so it ended up being my mom, maternal grandma, maternal great grandma, and one of my aunts. I had to choose between two aunts and I'm pretty sure the other had her feelings hurt. It was stressful. The whole thing sucked. Between all of them and the nurses, it felt like a friggen circus. Never again.

When I had my second daughter 5 years later, the situation wad way different. I was with my DH by then. My mom had also died... and she was the only person from the first crew that I actually would have wanted in there. I delivered at a birth center this time. The only people in the whole building were my DH, a doula, and the midwife. The midwife left us alone mostly, so it was a very private and intimate affair. The whole experience was way better than my first birth. Much faster, too.

This time around I'll likely be doing the same thing. (Though I may not have a doula this time.) I've had a couple of friends ask about being there, and I've gently suggested that I'll probably feel more comfortable without everyone in there. I'm a very private person. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings... but it is much more important to me that I get to birth in a way that makes me comfortable.

One thing you could try, is to tell everyone that your midwife suggested you have no more than one or two people in the room. (Your DH and possibly the photographer.) Explain that so many people can stall out and delay labor, which could pose a risk to you and your baby. This is actually true. It is a risk. We are designed to birth in dark quiet places, and if that atmosphere isn't provided, it can have an impact on your delivery. Hopefully that might help everyone understand. Best of luck to you.
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Old 07-14-2016, 01:48 PM   #10
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Re: How many people attended your birth? How do I say no?

I haven't allowed visitors with any of my kids until we get home. The only people that got to come meet my daughter were the people that were caring for my son while I was giving birth. This time it will be the same. I want the kids to be the first to meet their new sibling. That means whoever is watching them will also get to meet baby. Kind of a special treat for caring for the kids on short notice
No way, no how is anyone other tha my husband going to be in that delivery room with me! I'm pretty outspoken when it comes to my wishes on this. It has gotten easier each time.
My mil keeps mentioning coming up to help after the baby is born. The problem is that she is not in good health and is physically not capable of caring for toddlers. Dh has just told her that he will let her know if we need her, but we have done this before and are pretty good at it. Lol


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