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Old 07-17-2010, 09:32 AM   #21
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Re: I lost my child :(

My thoughts - I would have done the same thing. I had to giggle a little as my gut is that is exactly what I would have done (or maybe worse) if it were my child - she should have seen developmentally he wasn't responding and something was off. I understand she was trying to be decent and "protect" him but to have a freaked out mom would have been enough for me to say everything is fine in your home and let him go without thinking twice. (and if it makes you feel better I worked in child welfare for years - in less you get a nasty worker they aren't going to want to be bothered with you and anyone in your situation if they really think about it would have done the same thing - my son's birthfather teases me as he will not even mess with me and my child - he knows someone must have a death wish if they are going to try to take me on when it comes to my child (and he's only 10 months - that's why I giggle as he teases me all the time and reminds me he's there for back up).

No worries with child welfare - just explain to them what happened - actually indirectly I'm kinda proud of him he figured out the door latch as that's pretty good - I'd go to a very high slide bolt that you can barely reach or another door type adult system for safety. We put a bunch of sliders on our closets/basement door with steep stairs - he never is in the kitchen without us but why take the chance - as my son/10 months is trying to get in them. Kids do that stuff...what he did is NORMAL, especially for his disabilities. And, you did everything right as a mom - so don't second guess yourself (well, if she didn't give him back - you know - its ok to knock her out - we could have done a diaper swapper donation fund for your bail money - it would have been one of the few things I'd personally be happy to contribute to.)

And, really if a judge is going to say a freaked out mom demanding her child back in today's society and saying that really is a death threat... come on...they have better things to do with their time, one would hope.

Now, that couple, should NOT have brought him back to their house, they should have called the police to notify them about a missing child so if you called he could have been easily reunited and should have stayed with him in place.... that would have been what I would have done or tried to communicate with him to get him to help me walk him back home (I know he doesn't communicate but maybe he can help us find his way back home with patience when he's ready and help keep him safe). But, to their credit, they were trying and should have understood from your side... now if you acted normally, I'd worry!!!

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Old 07-17-2010, 09:39 AM   #22
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Re: I lost my child :(

My thoughts - I would have done the same thing. I had to giggle a little as my gut is that is exactly what I would have done (or maybe worse) if it were my child - she should have seen developmentally he wasn't responding and something was off. I understand she was trying to be decent and "protect" him but to have a freaked out mom would have been enough for me to say everything is fine in your home and let him go without thinking twice. (and if it makes you feel better I worked in child welfare for years - in less you get a nasty worker they aren't going to want to be bothered with you and anyone in your situation if they really think about it would have done the same thing - my son's birthfather teases me as he will not even mess with me and my child - he knows someone must have a death wish if they are going to try to take me on when it comes to my child (and he's only 10 months - that's why I giggle as he teases me all the time and reminds me he's there for back up).

No worries with child welfare - just explain to them what happened - actually indirectly I'm kinda proud of him he figured out the door latch as that's pretty good - I'd go to a very high slide bolt that you can barely reach or another door type adult system for safety. We put a bunch of sliders on our closets/basement door with steep stairs - he never is in the kitchen without us but why take the chance - as my son/10 months is trying to get in them. Kids do that stuff...what he did is NORMAL, especially for his disabilities. And, you did everything right as a mom - so don't second guess yourself (well, if she didn't give him back - you know - its ok to knock her out - we could have done a diaper swapper donation fund for your bail money - it would have been one of the few things I'd personally be happy to contribute to.)

And, really if a judge is going to say a freaked out mom demanding her child back in today's society and saying that really is a death threat... come on...they have better things to do with their time, one would hope.

Now, that couple, should NOT have brought him back to their house, they should have called the police to notify them about a missing child so if you called he could have been easily reunited and should have stayed with him in place.... that would have been what I would have done or tried to communicate with him to get him to help me walk him back home (I know he doesn't communicate but maybe he can help us find his way back home with patience when he's ready and help keep him safe). But, to their credit, they were trying and should have understood from your side... now if you acted normally, I'd worry!!!
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Old 07-17-2010, 09:42 AM   #23
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Re: I lost my child :(

goodness...my child is very easily frustrated and if my dh had just locked the front door and left the knob cover on, i would have been fine.
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Old 07-17-2010, 09:44 AM   #24
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Re: I lost my child :(

we have a lock on the inside that is high...it can only be locked from the inside. i did not know that dh left the house until he called me on his cell. we are getting some funky locks today. will post pics of how we change things up.
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Old 07-17-2010, 10:04 AM   #25
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Re: I lost my child :(

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and one more thing too - if that woman has enough to press charges against you for a death threat, then I would think you have enough to press charges against her for attempted kidnapping - since she had your child and was refusing to give him back to you....
my thought EXACTLY! seriously. a kid wanders up, you pick him up, a hysterical mom type person comes running up. im not good at math.. but to ME that would equal= oh this is who the kid goes with. its not like they had to wander around looking for where the kid got lost from only to find you chillin on the porch smoking and sippin koolaid. what a crazy person. had you ever seen them before? did you know them at all?
and a big yes to the alarm system, if you google it you will find some that hook up to your door and chime like a loud door bell.they seem to run around 2 for $20 ish. we are looking into them now. my almost 2 yr old wants to go out and look at the trucks. we have a big loud clanky xmas bells thing hanging on the door till i can get an alarm. we have to keep it dead bolted. but the lock turns easily. also before this next growth spurt we are putting a chain lock back on the door.
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Old 07-17-2010, 12:08 PM   #26
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Re: I lost my child :(

sorry mama, my dd did this once too! don't worry about children services. my dh is a social worker and i can tell you they have more important things to worry about. i mean please, would they rather u left your child with a stranger or left your other children alone, please!!! you did what any mother would do!!! i second the chain locks up high and the alarms we have all of the above as my middle dd is special needs and an escape artist!! hugs to you mama
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Old 07-17-2010, 12:16 PM   #27
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Re: I lost my child :(

The chimes idea is a good idea for everyone - special needs or not. Thank you for that - I want to do an alarm at some point... but you can do those without an monitored alarm...I'm sure my son will be an escape artist among other things...

I agree with pressing charges for kidnapping... I think its so odd to bring the child back to their house vs. if a child is in a neighborhood not to stay put and try to go to a couple of houses and find the parents if there are two of them. I realize people kinda freeze or react differently, but how would you want to be treated. Not everyone is a bad parent and sometimes you just turn your back and your child bolts. That's not CPS/child welfare worthy - they have enough to do...and lets face it, it WILL happen to all of us at one time or another - special needs or not. Ironically for our homestudy for adoption they insist we have a turn key lock for fire - makes sense - fine as its easier, but without the key inside, kids can easily get out if it is within their reach. (maybe you can also switch the outside lock to a inside-outside key lock if yours is a turn lock on the inside too).
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Old 07-17-2010, 12:43 PM   #28
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Re: I lost my child :(

reading through these brought back a memory. We lived in southern Ca ina town house type of place, living area downstairs and bedrooms/bathroom upstairs. my son was downstairs watching TV I was just getting out of bed and my husband was in the bathroom. I dont know how long he had been outside, but my son about 2.5 or 3 left the house without us knowing. He was out front and a lady drove by, saw him, stopped and knocked on the door. I was so happy that she had knocked, it would have been another 5 minutes at least before either me or my hubby made it downstairs and found him gone! It was so freaky to hear the door and see someone outside of it holding my son!
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Old 07-17-2010, 12:45 PM   #29
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Re: I lost my child :(

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Originally Posted by jefesita View Post
I would have told her the SAME thing! And the cop too! Wow momma, how horrible that must have been!

I actually have been thinking about this sort of situation tonight, my children going off with a stranger.

I certainly dont think she has a case against you. Especially enough to press charges or anything. I would hope that the justice system would stand up for the mom protecting her child.

I know there are GPS type tracking devices for special needs kids. Maybe you should look into that. Also there are door alarms that you can install (they dont go to an alarm company, just sound in your own house) that you can switch off and on, so you can have it on when you are bathing the other kids or whatnot so you can hear when he leaves. Even one that is not an alarm, but more like to bell or ding that goes off when you enter some stores.
there are little magnetic ones you can install on windows doors anything that moves to the magnetic connection is broken. they are fairly cheap and loud enough that we use to have them in our cars (parked right outside our windows) after there were some suspicious characters lurking around the cars at night. HTH
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Old 07-17-2010, 08:07 PM   #30
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Re: I lost my child :(

An amazing number of CPS cases start with because an unattended child wandered out of the home and the cops were called. It's often a red flag for parental substance abuse or mental health problems, neglect, and so forth. It is very likely that you may be investigated, particularly since you made a threat against this woman's life.

That being said, barring any unmentioned circumstances, you should be fine if CPS knocks on your door. You have a child who likely has special needs and you are already doing what you can to have him evaluated and get the extra help he will probably need. The actual incident was a misunderstanding/mistake. By changing the lock setup on the door you have shown that you have taken precautions to avoid a repeat incident. They will likely move on to the next case rather quickly.
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