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Old 12-09-2010, 02:29 PM   #21
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Re: Anyone have another baby after their special needs child?

Originally Posted by fergiesgirl86 View Post
sorry, i had to quote this. I am the only sibling that will take care of my bother. he is autism/Aspergers and mild Mental Retardation, he also shows schizophrenic properties.

when my mom passes i will be left to care for him. i will do my best but i know that it won't be nearly enough and it would be a big help if my half siblings step up and help out when that happens. but to be honest, i don't see it happening. i try not to think about it, because that means my mom, my best friend, won't be with us anymore............ but i'm also trying to learn everything i can about his disorders and how to manage his care when that happens.

and he does live on his own, but needs assistance for alot of things.

oh and i'm the accidental younger sibling.
And that's ANOTHER reason we wanted more kids. It isn't fair to put all that on my oldest daughter. Now she has a sister who can help and hopefully, she'll get a whole TRIBE of family who can help. (We want 8 altogether. Yes, we're insane!)

Plus now she has 2 best friends. If as she ages, he's less able to be there for her, at least her sister still can.


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Old 12-15-2010, 01:18 PM   #22
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Re: Anyone have another baby after their special needs child?

i don't think 8 is insane.

luckily my half sister supports me in my plans i have for him later in life. so i know that she won't think it's cruel to put him into a home where he can get the therapy and socialization that we can't provide for him. he hates small children, hates them. and i have 2 and 1otw and my sister has 2, so there's no real way we could help him or drop everything and everyone to be there all of the time............
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Old 12-15-2010, 01:50 PM   #23
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Re: Anyone have another baby after their special needs child?

I have had two pregnancies since my oldest son. Kearnan was diagnosed at 3 with moderate/severe PDD NOS, speech delay and SPD though it is worth mentioning that he was developmentally normal other than the SPD until he suffered encephalitis (confirmed by MRI) at 18months of age. So we knew that genetically we were risking SPD (my bother and I both have it as well) but I felt more than capable of dealing with that. My biggest fear with my children is passing my bipolar on to them. I never really planned to have more children though. I thought Kearnan would be a perfect only child and as I mentioned though we knew "something" was going on when Kearnan regressed at 18 months he wasn't diagnosed till 3. I got pregnant by surprise (using condoms) just after his second birthday. I actually found out a week after the party.

I was more worried how I would love another child as much as I loved Kearnan than I was about another child being like Kearnan. I was sure I was ruining Kearnan's life for most of my pregnancy. But I got used to the idea pretty quickly. Kearnan seemed pretty excited about the idea and was thrilled when he found out he was going to have a sister. But I lost my daughter at 22weeks to an infection. After that I decided I did want another baby. We also finally managed to finish Kearnan's neuro testing and get a diagnosis. I struggled to get pregnant again (why do planned pregnancies always work that way?). Tharen wasn't born till Kearnan was 4.5. They actually get along pretty well. Though they are complete opposites in almost every way. Kearnan is sort of my clone, Tharen is a tiny version of dh. Kearnan is quiet and reserved, Tharen is a ball of energy that never stops. So they fight a good bit too. Like I said I wasn't particularly worried about having another child on the spectrum. Tharen doesn't even really struggle with SPD, though he is funny about the seams on socks. Being a rainbow baby I spent most of TTC and my pregnancy in a state of panic that I would lose him at any moment. If he was born alive that was all that mattered to me. Kearnan has progressed to the point of being some where between mild/high functioning PDD NOS/Aspergers, SPD he no longer has a speech delay and his SPD is very well under his control thanks to all of the work he has done in therapy. Some day he will most likely live on his own and have a normal life. He is a quirky unique child but he has come a long way and worked very hard. He will have his brother to lean on if necessary, but I don't think it will be any more necessary for him than it would be for anyone else.
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Old 12-15-2010, 08:38 PM   #24
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Re: Anyone have another baby after their special needs child?

my first has a unilateral cleft lip and palate. i have a bilateral. and i had children to start with and 2 after my first. its all about knowing that you are handed what you are handed and you deal with it.

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Old 12-28-2010, 08:28 AM   #25
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Re: Anyone have another baby after their special needs child?

My DD has a genetic disorder and I definitely want more children, but I'm nervous! I did have a talk with a genetecist about it which made me feel better, so I don't think it's crazy to have more. I know that theres a VERY slim chance of ths disorder repeating... less that 1%.. but I worry that we could have another special needs child with a totally different disorder. But I guess everyone who has children takes those chances, right? It's hard not to worry, though
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Old 12-29-2010, 10:58 PM   #26
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Re: Anyone have another baby after their special needs child?

Our second child has a rare chromosome deletion which we found out about when he was 1. The deletion is totally random and not from either of us. He has growth hormone deficiency and a major speech delay but is a happy and vital part of our family. We had always wanted 3 children and it took quite a while before we were both ready for it (mainly because he was a horrible sleeper until he was about 18m).

During my pregnancy we were both again having an amnio since the risk of lossing the pregnancy was higher than the risk of the baby having an issue plus the idea was totally stressed me out. I was more ok with having another with issues than having an amnio. We decided to have the quad screening blood test, wish I hadn't. They ended up messing up my due dates so they gave me a 1/50 chance for Down syndrome. Once we went for a detailed Ultrasound and saw the genetic counselor the risk they gave me was my age risk. Our daughter was both perfectly healthy and is now a year.

No one ever said anything to us about having a third. Some were a little surprised maybe because we have a 4 year age gap. But that gap gave us a lot of time to devote to our son. We don't regret it at all!
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Old 12-29-2010, 11:14 PM   #27
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Re: Anyone have another baby after their special needs child?

my ds1 is healthy, dd was born with down syndrome and a small hole in her heart, we chose to have another child and he is healthy and we are planning for a 4th child. My dd having ds has never made us worry about having another child, but her getting cancer sure did scare us into not being sure about having another child who may possibly end up sick like she did. We decided to just leave it in god's hands and she is healthy again, our plans to have another are still in the works.
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Old 12-30-2010, 09:22 PM   #28
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Re: Anyone have another baby after their special needs child?

I have a teen from another relationship, but I'm not counting her in this (she is not special needs). That's because Autism seems to run in my husband's family...

Dh and I have 5. Our first has autism, SPD, and vision problems. She's had corrective surgery for her eyes, but will need at least 1 more. She also has digestive problems, is lactose intolerant and possibly has Fragile-X instead of being 'only' autistic.

We had 4 more children, the youngest was born December 10th of this year. We only suspect SPD with our 4 year old boy, the rest seem to not have any health issues at all.

We also have a tribe of advocates for our oldest. We're very lucky that she is so self aware and can speak well. Her siblings love her and understand that while she is different from them in how she processes things, she loves them. We didn't plan but one of her siblings...but they have helped keep her in our world and not become regressed into her own. I firmly believe that without having more children, she wouldn't have progressed as far as she has socially. When her sister (our 6 year old) was born, it was like a huge ray of sunshine into her life. From then on she has blossomed into a loving, caring older sister that takes pride in BEING the big sis.
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Old 12-31-2010, 08:59 PM   #29
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Re: Anyone have another baby after their special needs child?

yup, but our dd's special needs are nowhere near as great as for someone who is dealing with down's or cerebral palsy, etc. Also, dd was not diagnosed with adhd until after I had dd3. Now we are we dealing with a possible diagnosis of Tourettes. That one will be more difficult to swallow I think!
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Last edited by DalesWidda; 12-31-2010 at 08:59 PM. Reason: spelling
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Old 03-02-2011, 01:38 PM   #30
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Re: Anyone have another baby after their special needs child?

my daughter was born with a heart condition and there was a small chance of our other babies having a defect, we waited for a couple years and decided that we would have another. in our minds, we already knew what to expect with a heart defect and that if it happened again we were prepared, not that i wanted it to happen again. i had a healthy little boy and then we added another, a healthy little girl last year. I never had any testing done, just knew in the back of my mind what could possibly happen and prepared mentally for it
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